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ALICE’S 


ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 


AND 

THROUGH the LOOKING-GLASS 

and What Alice Found There 


LEWIS CARROLL 






WITH ALL THE ORIGINAL ILLUSTRATIONS 
BY JOHN TENNIEJL. , 


PHILADELPHIA 
HENRY ALTEMUS 
1895 


In 


In uniform binding illustrated: 

ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 
AND 

THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS, 
LUCILE, 

PAUL AND VIRGINIA. 


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Hhnry Altkmus, Manufacturer 
Philadelphia 


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CONTENTS. 


ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 


Chapter 

Page 

I. 

Down the Rabbit-Hole, 

• 15 

II. 

The Pool of Tears, 

. 26 

III. 

A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale, 

• 37 

IV. 

The Rabbit sends in a Little Bill, . 

• 46 

V. 

Advice from a Caterpillar, 

60 

VI. 

Pig and Pepper, 

• 75 

VII. 

A Mad Tea-Party, 

• 9 1 

VIII. 

The Queen’s Croquet-Ground, . . . 

• io 5 

IX. 

The Mock Turtle’s Story, .... 

. 1 20 

X. 

The Lobster Quadrille, ..... 

• i 34 

XI. 

Who Stole the Tarts? . . . . 

. 146 

XII. 

Alice’s Evidence, 

. 158 


Vlll 


CONTENTS . 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

Chapter Page 

I. Looking-Glass House, 177 

II. The Garden of Live Flowers, .... 196 

III. Looking-Glass Insects, 212 

IV. Tweedledum and Tweedledee, . . . .228 

V. Wool and Water, 248 

VI. Humpty Dumpty, 266 

VII. The Lion and the Unicorn, .... 285 

VIII.. “It’s My Own Invention,” 302 

IX. Queen Alice, 325 

X. Shaking, 348 

XI. Waking, • . 350 

XII. Which Dreamed it? 352 


ALICE’S 

ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 


* 



INTRODUCTION. 


A LL in the golden afternoon 
** Full leisurely we glide ; 

For both our oars, with little skill, 

By little arms are plied, 

While little hands make vain pretence 
Our wanderings to guide. 

Ah, cruel Three ! In such an hour. 
Beneath such dreamy weather, 

To beg a tale, of breath too weak 
To stir the tiniest feather ! 

Yet what can one poor voice avail 
Against three tongues together ? 

Imperious Prima flashes forth 
Her edict to “ begin it” — 

In gentler tone Secunda hopes 
“There will be nonsense in it,” — 
While Tertia interrupts the tale 
Not more than once a minute. 


14 


INTRODUCTION. 


Anon, to sudden silence won, 

In fancy they pursue 
The dream-child moving through a land 
Of wonders wild and new, 

In friendly chat with bird or beast — 

And half believe it true. 

And ever, as the story drained, 

The wells of Fancy dry, 

And faintly strove that weary one 
To put the subject by, 

“ The rest next time — ” “It is next time ! ” 
The happy voices cry. 

Thus grew the tale of Wonderland: 

Thus slowly, one by one, 

Its quaint events were hammered out — 

And now the tale is done, 

And home we steer, a merry crew, 

Beneath the setting sun. 

Alice ! a childish story take, 

And with a gentle hand 
Lay it where Childhood’s dreams are twined 
In Memory’s mystic band, 

Like pilgrim’s withered wreath of flowers 
Plucked in a far-off land. 



CHAPTER I. 

DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE. 

A LICE was beginning to get very tired of 
sitting by her sister on the bank, and 
of having nothing to do : once or twice she 
had peeped into the book her sister was 
reading, but it had no pictures or conversa- 
tions in it, “ and what is the use of a book,” 
thought Alice, “ without pictures or conver- 
sations ? ” 

So she was considering in her own mind, 


1 6 ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 

(as well as she could, for the hot day made 
her feel very sleepy and stupid,) whether 
the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would 
be worth the trouble of getting up and pick- 
ing the daisies, when suddenly a white rab- 
bit with pink eyes ran close by her. 

There was nothing so very remarkable in 
that ; nor did Alice think it so very much out 
of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 
“Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!” 
(when she thought it over afterwards, it oc- 
curred to her that she ought to have won- 
dered at this, but at the time it all seemed 
quite natural) ; but when the Rabbit actual- 
ly took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket , and 
looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started 
to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that 
she had never before seen a rabbit with 
either a waistcoat-pocket or a watch to take 
out of it, and, burning with curiosity, she ran 
across the field after it, and was just in time 
to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under 
the hedge. 

In another moment down went Alice after 
it, never once considering how in the world 
she was to get out again. 

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a 
tunnel for some way, and then dipped sud- 
denly down, so suddenly that Alice had not 
a moment to think about stopping herself 
before she found herself falling down what 
seemed to be a very deep well. 


DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE. 


17 


Either the well was very deep, or she fell 
very slowly, for she had plenty of time as 
she went down to look about her, and to won- 
der what was going to happen next. First, 
she tried to look down and make out what 
she was coming to, but it was too dark to see 
anything : then she looked at the sides of 
the well, and noticed that they were filled 
with cupboards and bookshelves : here and 
there she saw maps and pictures hung upon 
pegs. She took down a jar from one of 
the shelves as she passed; it was labelled 
“ ORANGE MARMALADE," but to her great 
disappointment it was empty : she did not 
like to drop the jar for fear of killing some- 
body underneath, so managed to put it into 
one of the cupboards as she fell past it. 

“Well!” thought Alice to herself, “after 
such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of 
tumbling down stairs! How brave they’ll all 
think me at home! Why, I wouldn’t say 
anything about it, even if I fell off the top of 
the house!" (Which was very likely true.) 

Down, down, down. Would the fall never 
come to an end? “I wonder how many 
miles I’ve fallen by this time?" she said 
aloud. “ I must be getting somewhere near 
the centre of the earth. Let me see: that 
would be four thousand miles down, I 
think — " (for, you see, Alice had learnt sev- 
eral things of this sort in her lessons in the 
school-room, and though this was not a very 
1* 


1 8 ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 

good opportunity for showing off her know- 
ledge, as there was no one to listen to her, 
still it was good practice to say it over) 
“ — yes, that’s about the right distance — but 
then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude 
I’ve got to?” (Alice had not the slightest 
idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either, 
but she thought they were nice grand words 
to say.) 

Presently she began again. “ I wonder if 
I shall fall right through the earth! How 
funny it’ll seem to come out among the 
people that walk with their heads down- 
wards! The Antipathies, I think — ” (she was 
rather glad there was no one listening this 
time, as it didn’t sound at all the right word) 
“ — but I shall have to ask thefti what the 
name of the country is, you know. Please, 
Ma’am, is this New Zealand or Australia?” 
(and she tried to curtsy as she spoke — fancy 
curtsying as you’re falling through the air! 
Do you think you could manage it?) “And 
what an ignorant little girl she’ll think me 
for asking! No, it’ll never do to ask: per- 
haps I shall see it written up somewhere.” 

Down, down, down. There was nothing 
else to do, so Alice soon began talking again. 
“Dinah’ll miss me very much to-night, I 
should think!” (Dinah was the cat.) “I 
hope they’ll remember her saucer of milk at 
tea-time. Dinah, my dear! I wish you were 
down here with me! There are no mice in 


DO WN THE RABBIT-HOLE. 


*9 


the air, I’m afraid, but you might catch a 
bat, and that’s very like a mouse, you know. 
But do cats eat bats, I wonder?” And here 
Alice began to get very sleepy, and went on 
saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, 
“Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?” and 
sometimes, “ Do bats eat cats ?” for, you see, as 
she couldn’t answer either question, it didn’t 
much matter which way she put it. She 
felt that she was dozing off, and had just be- 
gun to dream that she was walking hand in 
hand with Dinah, and was saying to her 
very earnestly, “ Now, Dinah, tell me the 
truth: did you ever eat a bat?” when sud- 
denly, thump! thump! down she came upon 
a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall 
was over. 

Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped 
up on to her feet in a moment : she looked up, 
but it was all dark overhead ; before her 
was another long passage, and the White 
Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it. 
There was not a moment to be lost : away 
went Alice like the wind, and was just in 
time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, 
“ Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it’s get- 
ting ! ” She was close behind it when she 
turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no 
longer to be seen : she found herself in a long, 
low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps 
hanging from the roof. 

There were doors all around the hall, but 


20 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


they were all locked, and when Alice had 
been all the way down one side and up the 
other, trying every door, she walked sadly 
down the middle, wondering how she was 
ever to get out again. 

Suddenly she came upon a little three- 
legged table, all made of solid glass ; there 
was nothing on it but a tiny golden key, and 



Alice’s first idea was that this might belong 
to one of the doors of the hall ; but alas ! either 
the locks were too large, or the key was too 
small, but at any rate it would not open any 
of them. However, on the second time round, 
she came upon a low curtain she had not 
noticed before, and behind it was a little door 
about fifteen inches high : she tried the little 


DO WN THE RABBIT-HOLE. 


21 


golden key in the lock, and to her great delight 

Alice opened the door and found that it led 
into a small passage, not much larger than a 
rat-hole : she knelt down and looked along 
the passage into the loveliest garden you ever 
saw. How she longed to get out of that dark 
hall, and wander among those beds of bright 
flowers and those cool fountains, but she 
could not even get her head through the door- 
way ; “ and even if my head would go through,” 
thought poor Alice, “ it would be of very little 
use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I 
could shut up like a telescope ! I think I 
could, if I only knew how to begin.” For, 
you see, so many out-of-the-way things had 
happened lately that Alice had begun to 
think that very few things indeed were really 
impossible. 

There seemed to be no use in waiting by 
the little door, so she went back to the table, 
half hoping she might find another key on it, 
or at any rate a book of rules for shutting 
people up like telescopes : this time she found 
a little bottle on it, (“which certainly was not 
here before,” said Alice,) and tied round the 
neck of the bottle was a paper label with the 
words “ DRINK ME” beautifully printed on 
it in large letters. 

It was all very well to say “ Drink me,” but 
the wise little Alice was not going to do that 
in a hurry : “ no, I’ll look first,” she said, 


22 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


“ and see whether it’s marked ‘ poison or not: ” 
for she had read several nice little stories 
about children who had got burnt, and eaten 
up by wild beasts, and other unpleasant 
things, all because they would not remember 
the simple rules their friends had taught 



them, such as, that a red-hot poker will burn 
you if you hold it too long ; and that if you 
cut your finger very deeply with a knife, it 
usually bleeds ; and she had never forgotten 
that if you drink much from a bottle marked 
“ poison,” it is almost certain to disagree with 
you, sooner, or later. 


DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE. 


23 


However, this bottle was not marked “ poi- 
son,” so Alice ventured to taste it, and find- 
ing it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of 
mixed flavor of cherry-tart, custard, pine- 
apple, roast turkey, toffy, and hot buttered 
toast,) she very soon finished it off. 

* * * * 

* * * 

* * * * 

“What a curious feeling!” said Alice, “I 
must be shutting up like a telescope.” 

And so it was indeed : she was now only 
ten inches high, and her face brightened up 
at the thought that she was now the right 
size for going through the little door into that 
lovely garden. First, however, she waited 
for a few minutes to see if she was going to 
shrink any further : she felt a little nervous 
about this, “ for it might end, you know,” 
said Alice to herself, “ in my going out alto- 
gether, like a candle. I wonder what I should 
be like then ? ” And she tried to fancy what 
the flame of a candle looks like after the can- 
dle is blown out, for she could not remember 
ever having seen such a thing. 

After a while, finding that nothing more 
happened, she decided on going into the gar- 
den at once, but, alas for poor Alice! when 
she got to the door, she found she had forgot- 
ten the little golden key, and when she went 
back to the table for it, she found she could 


24 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


not possibly reach it : she could see it quite 
plainly through the glass, and she tried her 
best to climb up one of the legs of the table, 
but it was too slippery, and when she had 
tired herself out with trying, the poor little 
thing sat down and cried. 

“ Come, there’s no use in crying like that!” 
said Alice to herself, rather sharply, “ I advise 
you to leave off this minute!” She generally 
gave herself vey good advice, (though she 
very seldom followed it,) and sometimes she 
scolded herself so severely as to bring tears 
into her eyes, and once she remembered try- 
ing to box her own ears for having cheated 
herself in a game of croquet she was playing 
against herself, for this curious child was 
very fond of pretending to be two people. 
“ But it’s no use now,” thought poor Alice, “ to 
pretend to be two people ! Why, there’s 
hardly enough of me left to make one respect- 
able person !” 

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that 
was lying under the table : she opened it, 
and found in it a very small cake, on which 
the words '‘EAT ME” were beautifully 
marked in currants. “Well, I’ll eat it,” said 
Allice, “ and if it makes me grow larger, I can 
reach the key ; and if it makes me smaller, I 
can creep under the door; so either way I’ll 
get into the garden, and I don’t care which 
happens!” 

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to 


DO JVN THE RABBIT-HOLE. 


2 5 


herself “ Which way? Which way?” holding 
her hand on the top of her head to feel which 
way it was growing, and she was quite sur- 
prised to find that she remained the same 
size : to be sure, this is what generally hap- 
pens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so 
much into the way of expecting nothing but 
out-of-the-way things to happen, that it 
seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on 
in the common way. 

So she set to work, and very soon finished 
off* the cake. 


CHAPTER II. 




THE POOL OF TEARS. 

“Curiouser and cu- 
riouser!” cried Alice 
(she was so much sur- 
prised, that for the 
moment she quite for- 
got how to speak good 
English); “now I’m 
opening out like the 
largest telescope that 
ever was! Good-bye, 
feet!” (for when she 
looked down at her 
feet, they seemed to 
be almost out of sight, 
they were getting so 
far off,) “ Oh, my poor 
little feet, I wonder 
who will put on your 
shoes and stockings 
for you now, dears? 
I’m sure I shan’t be 
able ! I shall be a great 
deal to far off to trou- 
ble myself about you : 
you must manage the 


THE POOL OF TEARS. 


27 


best way you can ; — but I must be kind to 
them,” thought Alice, “ or perhaps they won’t 
walk the way I want to go. Let me see: I’ll 
give them a new pair of boots every Christ- 
mas.” 

And she went on planing to herself how 
she would manage it. “ They must go by the 
carrier,” she thought; “and how funny it’ll 
seem, sending presents to one’s own feet! 
And how odd the directions will look 

Alice's Right Foot , Esq., 

Hearthrug , 

near the Fender , 

( with Alice's love.) 

Oh dear, what nonsense I’m talking!” 

J ust at this moment her head struck against 
the roof of the hall: in fact she was now 
rather more than nine feet high, and she at 
once took up the little golden key and hur- 
ried off to the garden door. 

Poor Alice! It was as much as she could 
do, lying down on one side, to look through 
into the garden with one eye ; but to get 
through was more hopeless than ever : she 
sat down and began to cry again. 

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” 
said Alice, “ a great girl like you,” (she might 
say this,) “ to go on crying this way ! Stop 
this moment, I tell you ! ” But she went on 
all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until 
there was a large pool all round her, about 


28 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


four inches deep and reaching half down the 
hah. 

After a time she heard a little pattering of 
feet in the distance, and she hastily dried her 
eyes to see what was coming. It was the 
White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, 
with a pair of white kid gloves in one hand 
and a large fan in the other : he came trot- 
ting along in a great hurry, muttering to 
himself as he came, “Oh! the Duchess, the 
Duchess! Oh! won’t she be savage if I’ve 
kept her waiting!” Alice felt so desperate 
that she was ready to ask help of any one ; 
so, when the Rabbit came near her, she began, 

in a low, timid voice, “ If you please, sir ” 

The Rabbit started violently, dropped the 
white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried 
away into the darkness as hard as he could 
go. 

Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as 
the hall was very hot, she kept fanning her- 
self all the time she went on talking : “ Dear, 
dear! How queer everything is to-day! 
And yesterday things went on just as usual. 
I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? 
Let me think : was I the same when I got 
up this morning? I almost think I can re- 
member feeling a little different. But if I’m 
not the same, the next question is, Who in 
the world am I ? Ah, that's the great puzzle ! ” 
And she began thinking over all the children 
she knew, that were of the same age as herself, 


THE POOL OF TEARS. 


29 


to see if she could have changed for any of 
them. 

“ I’m sure I’m not Ada,” she said, “for her 



hair goes in such long ringlets, and mine 
doesn’t go in ringlets at all; and I’m sure I 
can’t be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, 


30 ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 

and she, oh! she knows such a very little! 
Besides, she's she, and I'm I, and — oh dear, 
how puzzling it all is! I’ll try if I know all 
the things I used to know. Let me see : four 
times five is twelve, and four times six is 
thirteen, and four times seven is — oh dear! 
I shall never get to twenty at that rate! 
However, the Multiplication Table don’t sig- 
nify : let’s try Geography. London is the 
capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of 
Rome, and Rome — no, that's all wrong, I’m 
certain ! I must have been changed for 
Mabel ! I’ll try and say ‘ How doth the little — ’ ” 
and she crossed her hands on her lap, as if 
she were saying lessons, and began to repeat 
it, but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, 
and the words did not come the same as they 
used to do : 

‘ ‘ How doth the little crocodile 
Improve his shining tail 
And pour the waters of the Nile 
On every golden scale ! 

How cheerfully he seems to grin , 

How neatly spreads his claws , 

And welcomes little fishes in 
With gently smiling jaws !” 

“I’m sure those are not the right words,” 
said poor Alice, and her eyes filled with tears 
again as she went on, “ I must be Mabel after 
all, and I shall have to go and live in that 
poky little house, and have next to no toys to 


THE POOL OF TEARS. 


3 1 


play with, and oh! ever so many lessons to 
learn! No, I’ve made up my mind about it: 
if I’m Mabel, I’ll stay down here! It’ll be no 
use their putting their heads down and say- 
ing, 'Come up again, dear!’ I shall only look 
up and say, ‘Who am I, then? Tell me that 
first, and then, if I like being that person, I’ll 
come up : if not, I’ll stay down here till I’m 
somebody else’ — but, oh dear!” cried Alice 
with a sudden burst of tears, “ I do wish they 
would put their heads down! I am so very 
tired of being all alone here! ” 

As she said this, she looked down at her 
hands, and was surprised to see that she had 
put on one of the Rabbit’s little white kid 
gloves while she was talking. “ How can I 
have done that?” she thought. “I must be 
growing small again.” She got up and went 
to the table to measure herself by it, and 
found that, as nearly as she could guess, she 
was now about two feet high, and was going 
on shrinking rapidly : she Soon found out 
that the cause of this was the fan she was 
holding, and she dropped it hastily, just in 
time to save herself from shrinking away al- 
together. 

“That was a narrow escape!” said Alice, a 
good deal frightened at the sudden change, 
but very glad to find herself still in exist- 
ence ; “ and now for the garden ! ” and she ran 
with all speed back to the little door: but 
alas! the little door was shut again, and the 


3 2 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


little golden key was lying on the glass table 
as before, “and things are worse than ever,” 
thought the poor child, “ for I never was so 
small as this before, never! And I declare 
it’s too bad, that it is!” 

As she said these words her foot slipped, 
and in another moment, splash ! she was up 
to her chin in salt water.. Her first idea was 
that she had somehow fallen into the sea, 
“and in that case I can go back by railway,” 
she said to herself. (Alice had been to the 
seaside once in her life, and had come to the 
general conclusion, that wherever you go to 
on the English coast you find a number of 
bathing machines in the sea, some children 
digging m the sand with wooden spades, then 
a row of lodging houses, and behind them a 
railway station.) However she soon made 
out that she was in the pool of tears which 
she had wept when she was nine feet high. 

“ I wish I hadn’t cried so much!” said Alice, 
as she swam about, trying to find her way 
out. “ I shall be punished for it now, I sup- 
pose, by being drowned in my own tears! 
That will be a queer thing, to be sure ! How- 
ever, everything is queer to-day.” 

Just then she heard something splashing 
about in the pool a little way off, and she 
swam nearer to make out what it was : at 
first she thought it must be a walrus or hip- 
popotamus, but then she remembered how 
small she was now, and she soon made out 


THE POOL OF TEARS . 


33 


that it was only a mouse, that had slipped in 
like herself. 

“Would it be of any use, now,” thought 
Alice, “to speak to this mouse? Everything 
is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should 
think very likely it can talk : at any rate 
there’s no harm in trying.” So she began : 
“ O Mouse, do you know the way out of this 



pool? I am very tired of swimming about 
here, O Mouse!” (Alice thought this must 
be the right way of speaking to a mouse : she 
had never done such a thing before, but 
she remembered having seen in her brother’s 
Latin Grammar, “A mouse — of a mouse — 
to a mouse — a mouse — O mouse!”) The 
mouse looked at her rather inquisitively, and 
seemed to her to wink with one of its little 
eyes, but it said nothing. 


) 


34 ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 

“Perhaps it doesn’t understand English,” 
thought Alice ; “I dare say it’s a French mouse, 
come over with William the Conqueror.” 
(For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice 
had no very clear notion how long ago any- 
thing had happened.) So she began again: 
“ Oil est ma chatte? ” which was the first sen- 
tence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse 
gave a sudden leap out of the water, and 
seemed to quiver all over 'with fright. “ Oh, 
I beg your pardon!” cried Alice hastily, 
afraid that she had hurt the poor animal’s 
feelings, “ I quite forgot you didn’t like cats.” 

“ Not like cats ! ” cried the mouse, in a shrill 
passionate voice. “Would you like cats if 
you were me ? ” 

“Well, perhaps not,” said Alice in a sooth- 
ing tone: “don’t beangry about it. And yet 
I wish I could show you our cat Dinah : I 
think you’d take a fancy to cats if you could 
only see her. She is such a dear quiet thing,” 
Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam 
lazily about in the pool, “ and she sits purr- 
ing so nicely by the fire, licking her paws, 
and washing her face — and she is such a 
nice soft thing to nurse — and she’s such a 

capital one for catching mice oh, I beg 

your pardon ! ” cried Alice again, for this time 
the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt 
certain it must be really offended. “We 
won’t talk about her any more if you’d rather 
not.” 


THE POOL OF TEARS. 


35 


“We, indeed!” cried the Mouse, who was 
trembling down to the end of his tail. “ As 
if / would talk on such a subject ! Our family 
always hated cats : nasty, low, vulgar things! 
Don’t let me hear the name again!” 

“I won’t indeed!” said Alice in a great 
hurry to change the subject of conversation. 
“Are you — are you fond — of — of dogs ? ” The 



mouse did not answer, so Alice went on 
eagerly: “There is such a nice little dog 
near our house I should like to show you! 
A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with 
oh! such long curly hair! And it’ll fetch 
things when you throw them, and it’ll sit up 
and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things 
— I can’t remember half of them — and it be- 



3 ^ 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


longs to a farmer, you know, and he says it’s 
so useful, it’s worth a hundred pounds! He 
says it kills all the rats and — oh dear!” cried 
Alice in a sorrowful tone. “ I’m afraid I’ve 
offended it again!” For the Mouse was 
swimming away from her as hard as it could 
go, and making quite a commotion in the 
pool as it went. 

So she called softly after it : “ Mouse dear! 
Do come back again, and we won’t talk 
about cats or dogs either, if you don’t like 
them!” When the mouse heard this, it 
turned round and swam slowly back to her : 
its face was quite pale (with passion, Alice 
thought), and it said in a low, trembling 
voice, “Let us get to the shore, and then I’ll 
tell you my history, and you’ll understand 
why it is I hate cats and dogs.” 

It was high time to go, for the pool was 
getting quite crowded with the birds and 
animals that had fallen into it : there was a 
Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and 
several other curious creatures. Alice led 
the way, and the whole party swam to the 
shore. 



CHAPTER III. 

A CAUCUS- RACE AND A LONG TALE. 

They were indeed a queer-looking party 
that assembled on the bank — the birds with 
draggled feathers, the animals with their 
fur clinging close to them, and all dripping 
wet, cross, and uncomfortable. 

The first question of course was, how to 
get dry again : they had a consultation about 
this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite 
natural to Alice to find herself talking 
familiarly with them, as if she had known 
them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a 



38 ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 

long argument with the Lory, who at last 
turned sulky, and would only say, “ I am older 
than you, and must know better ; ” and this 
Alice would not allow, without knowing how 
old it was, and as the Lory positively refused 
to tell its age, there was no more to be said. 

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a per- 
son of some authority among them, called 
out, “ Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! 
I'll soon make you dry enough!” They all 
sat down at once, in a large ring, with the 
Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes 
anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she 
would catch a bad cold if she did not get 
dry very soon. 

“Ahem!” said the Mouse with an import- 
ant air, “are you all ready? This is the 
driest thing I know. Silence all round, if 
you please! ‘William the Conqueror, whose 
cause was favored by the pope, was soon 
submitted to by the English, who wanted 
leaders, and had been of late much accus- 
tomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin 
and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and North- 
umbria — ’ ” 

“ Ugh ! ” said the Lory, with a shiver. 

“ I beg your pardon ? ” said the Mouse, 
frowning, but very politely : “ Did you 
speak ? ” 

“Not I ! ” said the Lory, hastily. 

“ I thought you did,” said the Mouse — “ I 
proceed. ‘ Edwin and Morcar, the earls of 
Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him ; 


A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 39 

and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop 
of Canterbury, found it advisable — ’ ” 

“ Found what ? ” said the Duck. 



“ Found it!' the Mouse replied rather cross- 
ly : “ of course you know what ‘it’ means.” 

“ I know what ‘ it ’ means well enough 
when I find a thing,” said the Duck : “ it’s 
generally a frog or a worm. The question 
is, what did the archbishop find ? ” 

The Mouse did not notice this question, 


40 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


but hurriedly went on, “ ‘ — found it advis- 
able to go with Edgar Atlieling to meet 
William and offer him the crown. William’s 
conduct at first was moderate. But the 
insolence of his Normans — ’ How are you 
getting on now, my dear ? ” it continued, 
turning to Alice as it spoke. 

“ As wet as ever,” said Alice in a melan- 
choly tone : “ it doesn’t seem to dry me at 
all.” 

“ In that case,” said the Dodo solemnly, 
rising to its feet, “ I move that the meeting 
adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more 
energetic remedies — ” 

“ Speak English ! ” said the Eaglet. “ I 
don’t know the meaning of half those long 
words, and what’s more, I don’t believe you 
do either ! ” And the Eaglet bent down its 
dead to hide a smile : some of the other birds 
tittered audibly. 

“ What I was going to say,” said the Dodo 
in an offended tone, “ was, that the best 
thing to get us dry would be a Caucus- race.” 

“ What is a Caucus-race ? ” said Alice ; not 
that she much wanted to know, but the 
Dodo had paused as if it thought that some- 
body ought to speak, and no one else seemed 
inclined to say anything. 

“Why,” said the Dodo, “the best way to 
explain it is to do it.” (And as you might like 
to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I 
will tell you how the Dodo managed it.) 

First it marked out a race-course, in a sort 


A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 


4i 


of circle, (“ the exact shape doesn’t matter,” it 
said,) and then all the party were placed 
along the course, here and there. There .was 
no “ One, two, three, and away,” but they be- 
gan running when they liked, and left off 
when they liked, so that it was not easy to 
know when the race was over. However! 
when they had been running half-an-hour or 
so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo sud- 
denly called out, “The race is over!” and 
they all crowded round it, panting, and ask- 
ing, “But who has won?” 

This question the Dodo could not answer 
without a great deal of thought, and it sat 
for a long time with one finger pressed upon 
its forehead, (the position in which you usu- 
ally see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him,) 
while the rest waited in silence. At last the 
Dodo said, “ Everybody has won, and all must 
have prizes.” 

“But who is to give the prizes?” quite a 
chorus of voices asked. 

“ Why, she , of course,” said the Dodo, point- 
ing to Alice with one finger ; and the whole 
party at once crowded round her, calling out 
in a confused way, “ Prizes! Prizes! ” 

Alice had no idea what to do, and in de- 
spair she put her hand in her pocket, and 
pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt 
water had not got into it,) and handed them 
round as prizes. There was exactly one a- 
piece, all round. 


42 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


“ But she must have a prize herself, you 
know/’ said the Mouse. 

“ Of course,” the Dodo replied very gravely. 
“ Wliat else have you got in your pocket? ” he 
went on, turning to Alice. 

“ Only a thimble,” said Alice sadly. 

“ Hand it over here,” said the Dodo. 

Then they all crowded round her once 
more, while the Dodo solemnly presented the 
thimble, saying, “ We beg your acceptance of 
this elegant thimble;” and, when it had fin- 
ished this short speech, they all cheered. 

Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, 
but they all looked so grave that she did 
not dare to laugh, and as she could not 
think of anything to say, she simply bowed, 
and took the thimble, looking as solemn as 
she could.. 

The next thing was to eat the comfits : this 
caused some noise and confusion, as the large 
birds complained that they could not taste 
theirs, and the small ones choked and had to 
be patted on the back. However, it was over 
at last, and they sat down again in a ring, 
and begged the Mouse to tell them something 
more. 

“You promised to tell me your history, 
you know,” said Alice, “ and why it is you 
hate — C and D,” she added in a whisper, half 
afraid that it would be offended again. 

“Mine is a long and a sad tale!” said the 
Mouse, turning to Alice, and sighing. 

“It is a long tail, certainly,” said Alice, 


A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 


43 


looking down with wonder at the Mouses 
tail ; “but why do you call it sad ? ” And she 
kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse 
was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was 

something like this : “ Fury said to 

a mouse. That 
he met in 
the house, 

‘ Let us both 
go to law; / 
will prosecute 
you . — Come I’ll 
take no denial ; We 
must have a trial ; 

For really this 
morning I’ve 
nothing 
to do.’ 

Said the 
mouse 
to the 
cur, ‘Such 

a trial, dear sir, 

With no jury 
or judge, 
would 
be wasting 

our breath.’ 

‘ I’ll be 
judge, 

I’ll be 
jury,’ Said 
cunning 
old Fury; 

I’ll try 
the whole 
cause, 
and 

condemn 
you to 
death.’ ” 


“You are not attending!” said the Mouse 
to Alice, severely. “ What are you thinking 
of?” 

“ I beg your pardon,” said Alice very 


44 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


humbly : “ you had got to the fifth bend, I 
think ? ” 

“ I had not!" cried the Mouse, sharply and 
very angrily. 

“A knot!” said Alice, always ready to 
make herself useful, and looking anxiously 
about her. “ Oh, do let me help to undo it ! ” 

“I shall do nothing of the sort,” said the 
Mouse, getting up and walking away. “You 
insult me by talking such nonsense ! ” 

“ I didn’t mean it ! ” pleaded poor Alice. 
“ But you’re so easily offended, you know ! ” 

The Mouse only growled in reply. 

“ Please come back, and finish your story! ” 
Alice called after it ; and the others all joined 
in chorus, “Yes, please do!” but the Mouse 
only shook its head impatiently, and walked 
a little quicker. 

“ What a pity it wouldn’t stay ! ” sighed the 
Lory, as soon as it was quite out of sight; 
and an old crab took the opportunity of say- 
ing to her daughter, “ Ah, my dear! Let this 
be a lesson to you never to lose your tem- 
per!” “Hold your tongue, Ma!” said the 
young crab, a little snappishly. “You’re 
enough to try the patience of an oyster!” 

“ 1 wish I had our Dinah here, I know I 
do!” said Alice aloud, addressing nobody in 
particular. “She’d soon fetch it back!” 

“ And who is Dinah, if I might venture to 
ask the question ? ” said the Lory. 

Alice replied eagerly, for she was always 


A CAUCUS-RACE AND a LONG TALE. 45 

ready to talk about her pet. ‘‘Dinahs our 
cat. And she’s such a capital one for catch- 
ing mice, you can’t think! And oh, I wish 
you could see her after the birds ! Why, she’ll 
eat a little bird as soon as look at it ! ” 

This speech caused a remarkable sensation 
among the party. Some of the birds hurried 
off' at once : one old magpie began wrapping 
itself up very carefully, remarking, “ I really 
must be getting home ; the night-air doesn’t 
suit my throat ! ” and a canary called out in 
a trembling voice to its children, “Come 
away, my dears! It’s high time you were 
all in bed ! ” On various pretexts they all 
moved off, and Alice was soon left alone. 

“ I wish I hadn’t mentioned Dinah ! ” she 
said to herself in a melancholy tone. “ No- 
body seems to like her, down here, and I’m 
sure she’s the best cat in the world ! Oh, my 
dear Dinah ! I wonder if I shall ever see you 
any more ! ” And here poor Alice began to cry 
again, for she felt very lonely and low- 
spirited. In a little while, however, she again 
heard a little pattering of footsteps in the 
distance, and she looked up eagerly, half 
hoping that the Mouse had changed his 
mind, and was coming back to finish his 
story. 


CHAPTER IV. 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 

It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly 
back again, and looking anxiously about as 
it went, as if it had lost something ; and she 
heard it muttering to itself, “The Duchess! 
The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh my 
fur and whiskers! She’ll get me executed, 
as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where can I 
have dropped them, I wonder!” Alice 
guessed in a moment that it was looking 
for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, 
and she very goodnaturedly began hunting 
about for them, but they were nowhere to be 
seen — everything seemed to have changed 
since her swim in the pool, and the great 
hall, with the glass table and the little door, 
had vanished completely. 

Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she 
went hunting about, and called out to her in 
an angry tone, “Why, Mary Ann, what are 
you doing out here ? Run home this moment, 
and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan! 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 47 


Quick, now!” And Alice was so much 
frightened that she ran off at once in the di- 
rection it pointed to, without trying to ex- 
plain the mistake that it had made. 

“ He took me for his housemaid,” she said 
to herself as she ran. “ How surprised he’ll 
be when he finds out who I am! But I’d 
better take him his fan and gloves — that is, 
if I can find them.” As she said this, she 
came upon a neat little house, on the door of 
which was a bright brass plate with the 
name “ W. RABBIT,” engraved upon it. She 
went in without knocking, and hurried up- 
stairs, in great fear lest she should meet the 
real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the 
house before she had found the fan and gloves. 

“ How queer it seems,” Alice said to herself, 
“to be going messages for a rabbit! I sup- 
pose Dinah’ll be sending me on messages 
next!” And she began fancying the sort of 
thing that would happen: “‘Miss Alice! 
Come here directly, and get ready for your 
walk!’ ‘Coming in a minute, nurse! But 
I’ve got to watch this mousehole till Dinah 
comes back, and see that the mouse doesn’t 
get out.’ Only I don’t think,” Alice went on, 
“that they’d let Dinah stop in the house if it 
began ordering people about like that!” 

By this time she had found her way into a 
tidy little room with a table in the window, 
and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two 


48 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves : she 
took up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and 
was just going to leave the room, when her 
eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near 
the looking-glass. There was no label this 
time with the words “DRINK ME,” but 
nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to 
her lips. “ I know something interesting is 
sure to happen,” she said to herself, “ when- 
ever I eat or drink anything; so I’ll just see 
what this bottle does. I do hope it’ll make 
me grow large again, for really I’m quite 
tired of being such a tiny little thing!” 

It did so indeed, and much sooner than she 
had expected : before she had drunk half the 
bottle, she found her head pressing against 
the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her 
neck from being broken. She hastily put 
down the bottle, saying to herself, “That’s 
quite enough — I hope I shan’t grow any 
more — As it is, I can’t get out at the door — 
I do wish I hadn’t drunk quite so much!” 

Alas! It was too late to wish that. She 
went on growing and growing, and very 
soon had to kneel down on the floor: in 
another minute there was not even room for 
this, and she tried the effect of lying down, 
with one elbow against the door, and the 
other arm curled round her head. Still she 
went on growing, and, as a last resource, she 
put one arm out of the window, and one foot 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 49 

up the chimney, and said to herself, “Now I 
can do no more, whatever happens. What 
will become of me?" 

Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle 
had now had its full effect, and she grew no 
larger ; still it was very uncomfortable, and, 
as there seemed to be no sort of chance 



of her ever getting out of the room again, no 
wonder she felt unhappy. 

“ It was much pleasanter at home,” thought 
poor Alice, “when one wasn’t always grow- 
ing larger and smaller, and being ordered 
about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I 
hadn’t gone down that rabbit-hole — and yet 
— and yet — it’s rather curious, you know, this 


50 ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 

sort of life! I do wonder what can have hap- 
pened to me! When I used to read fairy- 
tales, I fancied that kind of thing never hap- 
pened, and now here I am in the middle of 
one ! There ought to be a book written about 
me, that there ought! And when I grow up 
I’ll write one — but I’m grown up now,” she 
added in a sorrowful tone, “at least there’s no 
room to grow up any more here!' 

“But then,” thought Alice, “shall I never 
get any older than I am now? That’ll be a 
comfort, one way — never to be an old woman 
— -but then — always to have lessons to learn! 
Oh, I shouldn’t like that!" 

“Oh, you foolish Alice!” she answered 
herself. “ How can you learn lessons in here? 
Why, there’s hardly room for you, and no 
room at all for any lesson-books!” 

And so she went on, taking first one side 
and then the other, and making quite a con- 
versation of it altogether, but after a few min- 
utes she heard a voice outside, and stopped 
to listen. 

“Mary Ann! Mary Ann!” said the voice, 
“fetch me my gloves this moment!” Then 
came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. 
Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look 
for her, and she trembled till she shook the 
house, quite forgeting that she was now 
about a thousand times as large as the Rab- 
bit, and had no reason to be afraid of it. 

Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 5 1 

and tried to open it, but as the door opened 
inwards, and Alice’s elbow was pressed hard 
against it, that attempt proved a failure. 
Alice heard it say to itself, “Then I’ll go 
round and get in at the window.” 

“ That you won’t!” thought Alice, and, after 
waiting till she fancied she heard the Rabbit 



just under the window, she suddenly spread 
out her hand, and made a snatch in the air. 
She did not get hold of anything, but she 
heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of 
broken glass, from which she concluded that 
it was just possible it had fallen into a 
cucumben frame, or something of the sort. 


52 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


Next came an angry voice — the Rabbit’s 
— “ Pat ! Pat ! Where are you ? ” And then 
a voice she had never heard before, “Sure 
then I’m here! Digging for apples, yer 
honor! ” 

“ Digging for apples, indeed ! ” said the 
Rabbit angrily. “ Here! Come and help me 
out of this! ” (Sounds of more broken glass.) 

“ Now tell me, Pat, what’s that in the win- 
dow ? ” 

“ Sure, it’s an arm, yer honor! ” (He pro- 
nounced it “arrum.”) 

“ An arm, you goose ! Who ever saw one 
that size ? Why, it fills the whole window!” 

“ Sure it does, yer honor : but it’s an arm 
for all that ” 

“ Well, it’s got no business there, at any 
rate : go and take it away ! ” 

There was a long silence after this, and 
Alice could only hear whispers now and then, 
such as, “ Sure, I don’t like it yer honor, at all, 
at all ! ” “ Do as I tell you, you coward ! ” and 

at last she spread out her hand again and 
made another snatch in the air. This time 
there were two little shrieks, and more sounds 
of broken glass. “ What a number of cucum- 
ber frames there -must be ! ” thought Alice. 
“ I wonder what they’ll do next ! As for pull- 
ing me out of the window, I only wish they 
could l I’m sure / don’t want to stay in hero 
any longer ! ” 

She waited for some time without hearing 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILE 53 


anything more : at last came a rumbling of 
little cart-wheels, and the sound of a good 
many voices all talking together : she made 
out the words, “ Where’s the other ladder ? — 
Why, I hadn’t to bring but one : Bill’s got the 
other — Bill ! fetch it here, lad ! — Here, put ’em 
up at this corner— No, tie ’em together first 
— they don’t reach half high enough yet — 
Oh! they’ll do well enough ; don’t be particu- 
lar — Here, Bill ! catch hold of this rope — 
Will the roof bear? — Mind that loose slate — 
Oh, it’s coming down ! Heads below ! ” (a loud 
crash) — “ Now, who did that ? — It was Bill, I 
fancy — Who’s to go down the chimney ? — 
Nay, /shan’t ! You do it! — That I won’t then!' 
— Bill’s got to go down — Here, Bill! the master 
says you’ve got to go down the chimney ! ” 

“ Oil, so Bill’s got to come down the chim- 
ney, has he ? ” said Alice to herself. “ Why, 
they seem to put everything upon Bill ! I 
wouldn’t be in Bill’s place for a good deal : 
this firepace is narrow, to be sui;e, but I think 
I can kick a little ! ” 

She drew her foot as far down the chimney 
as she could, and waited till she heard a little 
animal (she could’nt guess of what sort it 
was) scratching and scrambling about in the 
chimney close above her : then saying to 
herself, “ This is Bill,” she gave one sharp 
kick, and waited to see what would happen 
next. 


54 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 



The first thing* she 
heard was a general 
chorus of “There goes 
B i 1 1 ! then the Rab- 
bit’s voice alone, “ Catch 
him, you by the hedge ! ” 
then silence, and then 
another confusion of 
voices — “Hold up his 
\head — Brandy now — 
Don’t choke him — 
How was it, old fellow ? 
What happened to you ? 
Tell us all about it ! ” 
Last came a little 
feeble, squeaking voice, 
(“ That’s Bill,” thought 
Alice,) “Well I hardly 
know — No more, thank 
you, I’m better now — 
but I’m a deal too flus- 
tered to tell you — all 
I know is, something 
-comes at me like a 
' Jack - in - the - box, and 
* up I goes like a sky- 
rocket ! ” 

] “So you did, old fel- 
Nj low ! ” said the others. 

“ We must burn the house down!” said the 
Rabbit’s voice, and Alice called out as loud as 
she could, “ If you do, I’ll set Dinah at you ! ” 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 55 


There was a dead silence instantly, and 
Alice thought to herself, “ I wonder what 
they will do next! If they had any sense, 
they’d take the roof off.” After a minute or 
two they began moving about again, and 
Alice heard the Rabbit say, “ A barrowful 
will do, to begin with.” 

“ A barrowful of what?" thought Alice ; but 
she had not long to doubt, for the next mo- 
ment a shower of little pebbles came rattling 
in at the window, and some of them hit her 
in the face. “ I’ll put a stop to this,” she said 
to herself, and shouted out, “You’d better 
not do that again!” which produced another 
dead silence. 

Alice noticed with some surprise that the 
pebbles were all turning into little cakes as 
they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came 
into her head. “If I eat one of these cakes,” 
she thought, “ it’s sure to make some change 
in my size : and as it can’t possibly make me 
larger, it must make me smaller, I suppose.” 

So she swallowed one of the cakes, and 
was delighted to find that she began shrink- 
ing directly. As soon as she was small 
enough to get through the door, she ran out 
of the house, and found quite a crowd of 
little animals and birds waiting outside. 
The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, 
being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were 
giving it something out of a bottle. They 


56 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


all made a rush at Alice the moment she ap- 
peared, but she ran off as hard as she could, 
and soon found herself safe in a thick wood. 

“The first thing I’ve got to do,” said Alice 
to herself, as she wandered about in the 
wood, “ is to grow to my right size again ; 
and the second thing is to find my way into 
that lovely garden. I think that will be the 
best plan.” 

It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and 
very neatly and simply arranged ; the only 
difficulty was, that she had not the smallest 
idea how to set about it ; and while she was 
peering about anxiously among the trees, a 
little sharp bark just over her head made 
her look up in a great hurry. 

An enormous puppy was looking down at 
her with large round eyes, and feebly stretch- 
ing out one paw, trying to touch her. “ Poor 
little thing!” said Alice in a coaxing tone, 
and she tried hard to whistle to it, but she 
was terribly frightened all the time at the 
thought that it might be hungry, in which 
case it would be very likely to eat her up in 
spite of all her coaxing. 

Hardly knowing what she did, she picked 
up a little bit of stick, and held it out to the 
puppy ; whereupon the puppy jumped into 
the air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of 
delight, and rushed at the stick, and made 
believe to worry it ; then Alice dodged behind 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 57 


a great thistle, to keep herself from being 
run over, and, the moment she appeared on 



the other side, the puppy made another rush 
at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in 


58 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


its hurry to get hold of it ; then Alice, think- 
ing it was very like having a game of play 
with a cart-horse, and expecting every mo- 
ment to be trampled under its feet, ran 
round the thistle again ; then the puppy be- 
gan a series of short charges at the stick, 
running a very little way forwards each time 
and a long way back, and barking hoarse- 
ly all the while, till at last it sat down a 
good way off, panting, with its tongue hang- 
ing out of its mouth, and its great eyes half 
shut. 

This seemed to Alice a good opportunity 
for making her escape, so she set off at once, 
and ran till she was quite tired and out of 
breath, and till the puppy’s bark sounded 
quite faint in the distance. 

“ And yet what a dear little puppy it was ! ” 
said Alice, as she leant against a buttercup 
to rest herself, and fanned herself with one 
of the leaves; “I should have liked teaching 
it tricks very much, if — if I’d only been the 
right size to do it! Oh dear! I’d nearly for- 
gotten that I’ve got to grow up again! Let 
me see — how is it to be managed ? I suppose 
I ought to eat or drink something or other ; 
but the great question is, what? 

The great question certainly was, what? 
Alice looked all round her at the flowers and 
the blades of grass, but she could not see any- 
thing that looked like the right thing to eat 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


59 


or drink under the circumstances. There 
was a large mushroom growing near her, 
about the same height as herself, and when 
she had looked under it, and on both sides of 
it, and behind it, it occurred to her that she 
might as well look and see what was on the 
top of it. 

She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and 
peeped over the edge of the mushroom, and 
her eyes immediately met those of a large 
blue caterpillar, that was sitting on the top 
with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long 
hookah, and taking not the smallest notice 
of her or of anything else. 


CHAPTER V. 


ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR. 

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each 
other for some time in silence : at last the 
Caterpillar took the hookah out of its 
mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy 
voice. 

“Who are you? ” said the Caterpillar. 

This was not an encouraging opening for 
a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, 
“ I — I hardly know, sir, just at present — at 
least I know who I was when I got up this 
morning, but I think I must have been 
changed several times since then.” 

“What do you mean by that?” said the 
Caterpillar sternly. “ Explain yourself!” 

“ I can’t explain myself \ I’m afraid, sir,” said 
Alice, “because I’m not myself, you see.” 

“ I don’t see,” said the Caterpillar. 

“ I’m afraid I can’t put it more clearly/ 1 
Alice replied very politely, “ for I can’t under- 
stand it myself to begin with ; and being so 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 61 


many different sizes in a day is very con- 
fusing.” 

“ It isn’t,” said the Caterpillar. 

“Well, perhaps you haven’t found it so 
yet,” said Alice ; “but when you have to turn 
into a chrysalis — you will some day, you 
know — and then after that into a butterfly, I 
should think you’ll feel it a little queer, won’t 
you?” 

“ Not a bit,” said the Caterpillar. 

“ Well, perhaps your feelings may be dif- 
ferent,” said Alice ; “ all I know is, it would 
feel very queer to me” 

“ You ! ” said the Caterpillar contemptu- 
ously. “ Who are you ? ” 

Which brought them back again to the be- 
ginning of the conversation. Alice felt a 
little irritated at the Caterpillar’s making 
such very short remarks, and she drew her- 
self up and said, very gravely, “ I think you 
ought to tell me you are, first.” 

“ Why ? ” said the Caterpillar. 

Here was another puzzling question ; and, 
as Alice could not think of any good reason, 
and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a very 
unpleasant state of mind, she turned away. 

“Comeback!” the Caterpillar called after 
her. “ I’ve something important to say ! ” 

This sounded promising, certainly : Alice 
turned and came back again. 

“ Keep your temper,” said the Caterpillar. 


62 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


“ Is that all?” said Alice, swallowing down 
her anger as well as she could. 

“ No,” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice thought she might as well wait, as 



she had nothing else to do, and perhaps after 
all it might tell her something worth hear- 
ing. For some minutes it puffed away with- 


AB VICE FROM A CATERPILLAR. 


63 


out speaking, but at last it unfolded its arms, 
took the hookah out of its mouth again, and 
said, “ So you think you’re changed, do you ? ” 

“ I’m afraid I am, sir,” said Alice, “ I can’t 
remember things as I used — and I don’t keep 
the same size for ten minutes together ! ” 

“Can’t remember what things?” said the 
Caterpillar. 

“ Well, I’ve tried to say ‘ How doth the little 
busy bee,’ but it all came different!” Alice 
replied in a melancholy voice. 

“ Repeat ‘ You are old , Father William / ” said, 
the Caterpillar. 

Alice folded her hands, and began : 


64 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 



“ You are old , father William” the young man said , 
' “ And your hair has become very white ; 

And yet you incessantly stand on your head — 

Do you think , at your age , it is right ? ” 

“ In my youth father William replied to his son , 

‘ ‘ / feared it would injure the brain ; 

But now that Pm perfectly sure I have none, 

Why , / do it again and again. ” 


ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR. 


6 5 



“ You are old,” said the youth, “as I mentioned before , 
A nd have grown most uncommonly fat ; 

Yet you turned a back-sommersaidt in at the door — 
Pray , what is the reason of that ? ” 


‘ ‘ In my youth, ” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, 
1 1 1 kept all my limbs very supple 
By the use of this ointment — one shilling the box — 

A llozv me to sell you a couple 


66 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 



“ You are old ," said the youth , “ and your jaws are toe- 
weak 

For anything tougher than suet ; 

Yet you jinished the goose , with the bones and the 
beak : 

Pray , how did you manage to do it ? ” 

“ In my youth," said his father, “ I took to the law, 

And argued each case with my wife ; 

And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw. 
Has lasted the rest of my life. " 


AD VICE FROM A CA TER PILLAR. 


67 



“ You are old” said the youth ; “ one would hardly sup- 
pose 

That your eye was as steady as ever ; 

Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose — 

What made you so awfully clever ? ” 

‘ ‘ I have answered three questions, and that is enough , ** 
Said his father ; 1 ‘ don't give yourself airs ! 

Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? 

Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs ! ” 


68 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


“ That is not said right,” said the Caterpil- 
lar. 

“ Not quite right, I’m afraid,” said Alice 
timidly ; “ some of the words have got 
altered.” 

“ It is wrong from beginning to end,” said 
the Caterpillar decidedly, and there was 
silence for some minutes. 

The Caterpillar was the first to speak. 

“ What size do you want to be ? ” it asked. 

“ Oh, I’m not particular as to size,” Alice 
hastily replied; “ only one doesn’t like chang- 
ing so often, you know.” 

“ I dont know,” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice said nothing : she had never been so 
much contradicted in all her life before, and 
she felt that she was losing her temper. 

“ Are you content now ? ” said the Cater- 
pillar. 

“ Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir, 
if you wouldn’t mind,” said Alice : “ three 
inches is such a wretched height to be.” 

“It is a very good height indeed!” said 
the Caterpillar angrily, rearing itself up- 
right as it spoke (it was exactly three inches 
h igh). 

“But I’m not used to it!” pleaded poor 
Alice in a piteous tone. And she thought to 
herself, “ I wish the creatures wouldn’t be so 
easily offended ! ” 

“ Y ou’ll get used to it in time,” said the 


A D VICE FROM A CA TERPILLER. 69 

Caterpillar; and it put the hookah into its 
mouth and began smoking again. 

This time Alice waited patiently until it 
chose to speak again. In a minute or two 
the Caterpillar took the hookah out of his 
mouth, and yawned once or twice, and shook 
itself. Then it got down off the mushroom, 
and crawled away into the grass, merely 
remarking as it went, “ One side will make 
you grow taller, and the other side will make 
you grow shorter.” 

“One side of what ? The other side of 
what ?" thought Alice to herself. 

“ Of the mushroom,” said the Caterpillar, 
just as if she had asked it aloud ; and in 
another moment it was out of sight. 

Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the 
mushroom for a minute, trying to make out 
which were the two sides of it ; and, as it 
was perfectly round, she found this a very 
difficult question. However, at last she 
stretched her arms round it as far as they 
would go, and broke off a bit of the edge 
with each hand. 

“And now which is which?” she said to 
herself, and nibbled a little of the right-hand 
bit to try the effect : the next moment she 
felt a violent blow underneath her chin ; it 
had struck her foot! 

She was a good deal frightened by this 
very sudden change, but she felt that there 


70 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking 
rapidly ; so she set to work at once to eat 
some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed 
so closely against her foot, that there was 
hardly room to open her mouth ; but she did 
it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel 
of the left-hand bit. 

$ $ * * 

❖ ❖ * 

* * * * 

“Come, my head’s free at last!” said Alice 
in a tone’ of delight, which changed into 
alarm in another moment, when she found 
that her shoulders were nowhere to be found : 
all she could see, when she looked down, was 
an immense length of neck, which seemed 
to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves 
that lay far below her. 

“What can all that green stuff be?” said 
Alice. “And where have my shoulders got 
to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can’t 
see you ? ” She was moving them about as 
she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, 
except a little shaking among the distant 
green leaves. 

As there seemed to be no chance of getting 
her hands up to her head, she tried to get 
her head down to them, and was delighted to 
find that her neck would bend about easily 
in any direction, like a serpent. She had 


XdVICE' FROM A CA TER FILLER. 71 

just succeeded in curving' it . down into ,a l1 
graceful zigzag, and was going ; tb * dive ijd 
among the leaves, which she found 1 to; bef 
nothing but the tops of the trees under which 1 
she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss 
Made her draw back in a hurry : a large 
pigeon had flown into her face, and was 
beating her violently with its wings. 

“Serpent!” screamed the Pigeon. 

“ Pm not a serpent!” said Alice indignantly. 

“ Let me alone!” 

“Serpent, I say again!” repeated the Pig- 
eon, but in a more subdued tone, and added 
with a kind of sob, “ I’ve tried every way, 
and nothing seems to suit them!” 

“ I haven’t the least idea what you’re talk- 
ing about,” said Alice. 

“I’ve tried the roots of trees, and I’ve 
tried banks, and I’ve tried hedges,” the 
Pigeon went on, without attending to her; 
“but those serpents! There’s no pleasing 
them !” 

Alice was more and more puzzled, but she 
thought there was no use in saying anything 
more till the Pigeon had finished. 

“As if it wasn’t trouble enough hatching 
the eggs,” said the Pigeon, “but I must be on 
the look-out for serpents night and day! 
Why, I haven’t had a wink of sleep these 
three weeks!” 

“I’m very sorry you’ve been annoyed,” 


72 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


said Alice, who was beginning* to see its 
meaning. 

“And just as I’d taken the highest tree in 
the wood,” continued the Pigeon, raising its 
voice to a shriek, “ and just as I was thinking 
1 should be free of them at last, they must 
needs come wriggling down from the sky! 
Ugh! Serpent!” 

“But I’m not a serpent, I tell you!” said 
Alice, “I’m a I’m a ” 

“Well! What are you?” said the Pigeon. 
“ I can see you’re trying to invent some- 
thing! ” 

“I — I’m a little girl,” said Alice, rather 
doubtfully, as she remembered the number 
of changes she had gone through that day. 

“ A likely -story indeed ! ” said the Pigeon 
in a tone of the deepest contempt. “ I’ve 
seen a good many little girls in my time, but 
never one with such a neck as that! No, no! 
Y ou’re a serpent ; and tnere’s no use denying 
it. I suppose you’ll be tcUing me next that 
you never tasted an egg!” 

“ I have tasted eggs, certainly,” said Alice, 
who was a very truthful child ; “ but little 
girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, 
you know.” 

“ I don’t believe it,” said the Pigeon ; “but if 
they do, why then they’re a kind of serpent, 
that’s all I can say.” 

This was such a new idea t > Alice, that she 


A D VICE FROM A CA TER FILLER. 7 3 

was quite silent for a minute or two, which 
gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, 
“You’re looking for eggs, I know that well 
enough; and what does it matter to me 
whether you’re a little girl or a serpent?” 

“ It matters a good deal to me” said Alice 
hastily; “but I’m not looking for eggs, as it 
happens; and if I was, I shouldn’t want 
yours : I don’t like them raw.” 

“Well, be off, then!” said the Pigeon in a 
sulky tone, as it settled down again into its 
nest. Alice crouched down among the trees 
as well as she could, for her neck kept 
getting entangled among the branches, and 
every now and then she had to stop and 
untwist it. 

After a while she remembered that she 
still held the pieces of mushroom in her 
hands, and she set to work very carefully, 
nibbling first at one and then at the other, 
and growing sometimes taller and sometimes 
shorter, until she had succeeded in bringing 
herself down to her usual height. 

It was so long since she had been anything 
near the right size, that it felt quite strange 
at first, but she got used to it in a few min- 
utes, and began talking to herself as usual. 
“ Come, there’s half my plan done now ! How 
puzzling all these changes are! I’m never 
sure what I’m going to be, from one minute 
to another! However, I’ve got back to my 


ALLCE LN WONDERLAND. 


right size r the' next thing*, is, to get into that’ 
beautiful garden — -how rfss that to be done, I 
wonder?” As she said' thfcv she came sud- 
denly upon an open place, with a fittfe 1 house 
in it about four feet high. “Whoever fives' 
there,” thought Alice, “ it’ll never do to come 
upon them this size : why, I should frighten 
them out of their wits!” So she began nib- 
bling at the right-hand bit again, and did not 
venture to go near the house till she had 
brought herself down to nine inches high. 


CHAPTER VI. 


PIG AND PEPPER. 

For a minute or two she stood looking at 
the house, and wondering what to do next, 
when suddenly a footman in livery came 
running out of the wood — (she considered 
him to be a footman because he was in livery : 
otherwise, judging by his face only, she 
would have called him a fish) — and rapped 
loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was 
opened by another footman in livery, with a 
round face and large eyes like a frog; and 
both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered 
hair that curled all over their heads. She 
felt very curious to know what it was all 
about, and crept a little way out of the wood 
to listen. 

The Fish-Footman began by producing 
from under his arm a great letter, nearly as 
large as himself, and this he handed over to 


7 6 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


the other, saying in a solemn tone, “ For the 
Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to 
play croquet.” The Frog-Footman repeated, 
in the same solemn tone, “ From the Queen. 
An invitation for the Duchess to play cro- 
quet.” 

Then they both bowed low, and their curls 
got entangled together. 

Alice laughed so much at this that she had 
to run back into the wood for fear of their 
hearing her, and when she next peeped out 
the Fish- Footman was gone, and the other 
was sitting on the ground near the door, 
staring stupidly up into the sky. 

Alice went timidly up to the door, and 
knocked. 

“There’s no sort of use in knocking,” said 
the Footman, “and that for two reasons. 
First, because I’m on the same side of the 
door as you are ; secondly, because they’re 
making such a noise inside, no one could 
possibly hear you.” And certainly there 
was a most extraordinary noise going on 
within — a constant howling and sneezing, 
and every now and then a great crash, as 
if a dish or a kettle had been broken to pieces. 

“ Please, then,” said Alice, “ how am I to 
get in? ” 

“There might be some sense in your 
knocking,” the Footman went on without at- 
tending to her, “if we had the door between 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


77 


us ; For instance, if you were inside , you 
might knock, and I could let you out, you 
know.” He was looking up into the sky all 



the time he was speaking, and this Alice 
thought decidedly uncivil. “ But perhaps 
he can’t help it,” she said to herself; “his 
eyes are so very nearly at the top of his 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


head. But at any rate he might answer 
questions — How am I to get in?” she re- 
peated, aloud. 

“ I shall sit here,” the Footman remarked, 
“till to-morrow ” 

At this moment the door of the house 
opened, and a large plate came skimming 
out, straight at the Footmans head: it just 
grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against 
one of the trees behind him. 

“ or next day, maybe,” the Footman 

continued in the same tone, exactly as if 
nothing had happened. 

“How am I to get in?” Alice asked again 
in a louder tone. 

“ Are you to get in at all ? ” said the Foot- 
man. “ That’s the first question, you know.” 

It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like 
to be told so. “ It’s really dreadful,” she 
muttered to herself, “the way all the crea- 
tures argue. It’s enough to drive one crazy ! ” 

The Footman seemed to think this a good 
opportunity for repeating his remark, with 
variations. “ I shall sit here,” he said, “ on 
and off, for days and days.” 

“But what am / to do?” said Alice. 

“Anything you like,” said the Footman, 
and began whistling. 

“ Oh, there’s no use in talking to him,” said 
Alice desperately: “he’s perfectly idiotic!” 
And she opened the door and went in. 


PIG AND PEPPER . 


79 


The door led right into a large kitchen, 
which was full of smoke from one end to the 
other : the Duchess was sitting on a three- 
legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby ; 
the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring* 



a large cauldron which seemed to be full of 
soup. 

“ There’s certainly too much pepper in that 
soup ! ” Alice said to herself, as well as she 
could for sneezing. 

There was certainly too much of it in the 


8o 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


air. Even the Duchess sneezed occasion- 
ally ; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and 
howling alternately without a moment’s 
pause. The only two creatures in the kitchen 
that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large 
cat which was sitting on the hearth and grin- 
ning from ear to ear. 

“ Please, would you tell me,” said Alice, a 
little timidly, for she was not quite sure 
whether it was good manners for her to speak 
first, “ why your cat grins like that ?. ” 

“ It’s a Cheshire cat,” said the Duchess, 
“ and that’s why. Pig.” 

She said the last word with such sudden 
violence that Alice quite jumped ; but she 
saw in another moment that it was addressed 
to the baby, and not to her, so she took cour- 
age, and went on again : 

“ I didn’t know that Cheshire cats always 
grinned ; in fact, I didn’t know that cats could 
grin.” 

“They all can,” said the Duchess; “and 
most of ’em do.” 

“ I don’t know of any that do,” Alice said 
very politely, feeling quite pleased to have 
got into a conversation. 

“You don’t know much,” said the Duch- 
ess ; “and that’s a fact.” 

Alice did not at all like the tone of this 
remark, and thought it would be as well to 
introduce some other subject of conversation. 


PIG AND PEPPER . 


81 


While she was trying to fix on one, the cook 
took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at 
once set to work throwing everything within 
her reach at the Duchess and the baby — the 
fire-irons came first ; then followed a shower 
of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duch- 
ess took no notice of them, even when they 
hit her ; and the baby was howling so much 
already, that it was quite impossible to say 
whether the blows hurt it or not. 

“ Oh please mind what you’re doing ! ” cried 
Alice, jumping up and down in an agony of 
terror. “ Oh, there goes his precious nose ! ” as 
an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, 
and very nearly carried it off. 

“ If everybody minded their own business,” 
said the Duchess in a hoarse growl, “ the 
world would go round a deal faster than it 
does.” 

“ Which would not be an advantage,” said 
Alice, who felt very glad to get an opportunity 
of showing off a little of her knowledge. “ Just 
think what work it would make with the day 
and night ! Y ou see the earth takes twenty- 
four hours to turn round on its axis — ” 

“ Talking of axes,” said the Duchess, “chop 
off her head ! ” 

Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, 
to see if she meant to take the hint ; but, the 
cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed 
not to be listening, so she went on again: 


82 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


“Twenty-four hours, I think ; or is it twelve ? 
I ” 

“ Oh, don’t bother me” said the Duchess ; 
“ I never could abide figures.” And with that 
she began nursing her child again, singing 
a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giv- 
ing it a violent shake at the end of every 
line : — 


“ Speak roughly to your little boy , 

And beat him when he sneezes ; 

He only does it to annoy , 

Because he knows it teases. ” 

Chorus. 

( in which the cook and the baby joined ) : — 
“ Wow ! wow ! wow ! ” 

While the Duchess sang the second verse 
of the song, she kept tossing the baby vio- 
lently up and down, and the poor little thing 
howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the 
words : — 


“ I speak severely to my boy , 

I beat him when he sneezes ; 
For he can thorougly enjoy 
The pepper when he pleases ! ” 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


83 


Chorus. 

“ Wow ! wow ! wow ! ” 

“ Here ! you may nurse it a bit, if you 
like ! ” said the Duchess to Alice, flinging the 
baby at her as she spoke. “ I must go and 
get ready to play croquet with the Queen,” 
and she hurried out of the room. The cook 
threw a frying pan after her as she went, 
but it just missed her. 

Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, 
as it was a queer-shaped little creature, and 
held out its arms and legs in all directions, 
“just like a star-fish,” thought Alice. The 
poor little thing was snorting like a steam- 
engine when she caught it, and kept doub- 
ling itself up and straightening itself out 
again, so that altogether, for the first minute 
or two, it was as much as she could do to 
hold it. 

As soon as she had made out the proper 
way of nursing it, (which was to twist it up 
into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold 
of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent 
its undoing itself,) she carried it out into the 
open air. “ If I don’t take this child away 
with me,” thought Alice, “they’re sure to 
kill it in a day or two : wouldn’t it be mur- 
der to leave it behind ? ” She said the last 
words out loud, and the little thing grunted 
in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). 


84 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


“ Don’t grunt,” said Alice : “ that’s not at all 
a proper way of expressing yourself.” 

The baby grunted again, and Alice looked 
very anxiously into its face to see what was 
the matter with it. There could be no doubt 



that it had a very turn-up nose, much more 
like a snout than a real nose ; also its eyes 
were getting extremely small, for a baby : 
altogether Alice did not like the look of the 
thing at all, “ — but perhaps it was only sob- 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


«5 

bing,” she thought, and looked into its eyes 
again, to see if there were any tears. 

No, there were no tears. “ If you’re going 
to turn into a pig, my dear,” said Alice, seri- 
ously, “I’ll have nothing more to do with 
you, Mind now!” The poor little thing 
sobbed again, (or grunted, it was impossible 
to say which,) and they went on for some 
while in silence. 

Alice was just beginning to think to her- 
self, “Now, what am I to do with this crea- 
ture when I get it home? ” when it grunted 
again, so violently, that she looked down into 
its face in some alarm. This time there could 
be no mistake about it : it was neither more 
nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would 
be quite absurd for her to carry it any fur- 
ther. 

So she set the little creature down, and felt 
quite relieved to see it trot away quietly in- 
to the wood. “ If it had grown up,” she said 
to herself, “ it would have been a dreadfully 
ugly child : but it makes rather a handsome 
pig, I think.” And she began thinking over 
other children she knew, who might do vfcry 
well as pigs, and was just saying to herself, 
“ if one only knew the right way to change 

them ” when she was a little startled by 

seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of 
a tree a few yards off. 

The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


W 

It looked goodnatured, she thought : still it 
had very long claws and a great many teeth, 
so she felt it ought to be treated with re- 
spect. 

“Cheshire Puss/’ she began, rather timidly, 
as she did not at all know whether it would 
like the name : however, it only grinned a 
little wider. “Come, it’s pleased so far,” 
thought Alice, and she went on, “Would you 
tell me, please, which way I ought to walk 
from here? ” 

“That depends a good deal on where you 
want to get to,” said the Cat. * 

“ I don’t much care where ” said Alice. 

“ Then it doesn’t matter which way you 
walk,” said the Cat. 

“ so long as I get somewhere ,” Alice 

added as an explanation. 

“ Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, 
“ if you only walk long enough.” 

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so 
she tried another question. “What sort of 
people live about here ? ” 

“ In that direction,” the Cat said, waving its 
right paw round, “ lives a Hatter : and in that 
direction,” waving the other paw, “lives a 
March Hare. Visit either you like : they’re 
both mad.” 

“ But I don’t want to go among mad peo- 
ple,” Alice remarked. 




PIG AND PEPPER. 


87 



not mad. You 


“ Oh, you can’t help 
that,” said the Cat, 
“ we’re all mad here. I’m 
mad. You’re mad.” 

“ How do you know 
I’m mad?” said Alice. 

“You must be,” said 
the Cat, “ or you woudn’t 
have come here.” 

Alice didn’t think that 
proved it at all ; how- 
ever, she went on : “ and 
how do you know that 
you’re mad? ” 

“To begin with,” 
said the Cat, “ a dog’s 
grant that ? ” 



88 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


“ I suppose so/' said Alice. 

“Well then,” the Cat went on, “ you see a 
dog growls when its angry, and wags its 
tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when 
I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I'm an- 
gry. Therefore I’m mad.” 

“/ call it purring, not growling,” said 
Alice. 

“ Call it what you like,” said the Cat. “ Do 
you play croquet with the Queen to-day?” 

“ I should like it very much,” said Alice, 
“ but I haven’t been invited yet.” 

“You’ll see me there,” said the Cat, and 
vanished. 

Alice was not much surprised at this, she 
was getting so well used to queer things hap- 
pening. While she was still looking at the 
place where it had been, it suddenly appeared 
again. 

“ By-the-bye, what became of the baby?” 
said the Cat. “I’d nearly forgotten to 
ask.” 

“ It turhed into a pig,” Alice answered very 
quietly, just as if the Cat had come back in a 
natural way. 

“ I thought it would,” said the Cat, and van- 
ished again. 

Alice waited a little, half expecting to see 
it again, but it did not appear, and after a 
minute or two she walked on in the direction 
in which the March Hare was said to live. 


PIG AND PEPPER . 


89 

“ I’ve seen hatters before,” she said to herself: 
“the March Hare will be much the most in- 
teresting, and perhaps as this is May it won’t 
be raving mad — at least not so mad as it was 
in March.” As she said this, she looked up, 



and there was the Cat again, sitting on a 
branch of a tree. 

“ Did you say pig, or fig ? ” said the Cat. 

“ I said pig,” replied Alice ; “and I wish you 
wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so 
suddenly : you make one quite giddy.” 

“All right,” said the Cat; and this time it 
vanished quite slowly, beginning with the 
end of the tail, and ending with the grin, 


9 o 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


which remained some time after the rest of 
it had gone. 

“ Well ! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” 
thought Alice, “but a grin without a cat! 
It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in all 
my life!” 

She had not gone much farther before she 
came in sight of the house of the March 
Hare ; she thought it must be the right house, 
because the chimneys were shaped like ears 
and the roof was thatched with fur. It was 
so large a house, that she did not like to go 
nearer till she had nibbled some more of the 
left-hand bit of mushroom, and raised her- 
self to about two feet high: even then she 
walked up towards it rather timidly, saying 
to herself, “ Suppose it should be raving mad 
after all ! I almost wish I’d gone to see the 
Hatter instead ! ” 


CHAPTER VII. 

A MAD TEA-PARTY. 

There was a table set out under a tree in 
front of the house, and the March Hare and 
the Hatter were having tea at it : a Dor- 
mouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, 
and the other two were using it as a cushion, 
resting their elbows on it, and talking over 
its head. “ Very uncomfortable for the Dor- 
mouse,” thought Alice ; “ only as it’s asleep, I 
suppose it doesn’t mind.” 

The table was a large one, but the three 
were all crowded together at one corner of it: 
“No room ! No room ! ” they cried out when 
they saw Alice coming. “There’s plenty of 
room ! ” said Alice indignantly, and she sat 
down in a large arm-chair at one end of the 
table. 

“ Have some wine,” the March Hare said 
in an encouraging tone. 

Alice looked all round the table, but there 


92 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


was nothing on it but tea. “ I don’t see any 
wine,” she remarked. 

“There isn’t any,” said the March Hare. 

“ Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer 
it,” said Alice angrily. 

“It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down 
without being invited,” said the March 
Hare. 

“ I didn’t know it was your table,” said 
Alice ; “its laid for a great many more than 
three.” 

“Your hair wants cutting,” said the Hatter. 
He had been looking at Alice for some time 
with great curiosity, and this was his first 
speech. 

“ Y ou should learn not to make personal 
remarks,” Alice said with some severity: “ it’s 
very rude.” 

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on 
hearing this ; but all he said was, “ Why is a 
raven like a writing-desk ? ” 

“Come, we shall have some fun now!” 
thought Alice. “ I’m glad they’ve begun ask- 
ing riddles — I believe I can guess that,” she 
added aloud. 

“ Do you mean that you think you can 
find out the answer to it?” said the March 
Hare. 

“ Exactly so,” said Alice. 

“Then you should say what you mean,” 
the March Hare went on. 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


93 


“ I do,” Alice hastily replied ; “ at least — at 
least I mean what I say — that’s the same 
thing, you know.” 

“ Not the same thing a bit ! ” said the Hat- 
ter. 

“ Why, you might just as well say that ‘ I 



see what I eat’ is the same thing as ‘I eat 
what I see ’ ! ” 

“ You might just as well say,” added the 
March Hare, “ that ‘ I like what I get ’ is the 
same thing as ‘ I get what I like ’ ! ” 

“You might just as well say.” added the 
Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his 



94 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


sleep, “ that ‘ I breathe when I sleep ’ is the 
same thing as ‘ I sleep when I breathe * ! ” 

It is the same thing with you,” said the 
Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, 
and the party sat silent for a minute, while 
Alice thought over all she could remember 
about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn’t 
much. 

The Hatter was the first to break the 
silence. 

“ What day of the month is it ? ” he said, 
turning to Alice : he had taken his watch out 
of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, 
shaking it every now and then, and holding 
it to his ear. 

Alice considered a little, and said, “ The 
fourth.” 

“ Two days wrong! ” sighed the Hatter. “ I 
told you butter wouldn’t suit the works!” 
he added, looking angrily at the March 
Hare. 

“It was the best butter,” the March Hare 
meekly replied. 

“Yes, but some crumbs must have got in 
as well,” the Hatter grumbled : “ you should’nt 
have put it in with the bread knife.” 

The March Hare took the watch and looked 
at it gloomily : then he dipped it into his cup 
of tea and, looked at it again : but he could 
think of nothing better to say than his 


A MAD TEA-PAD TV. 


95 


first remark, “ It was the best butter, you 
know.” 

Alice had been looking over his shoulder 
with some curiosity. “ What a funny watch ! ” 
she remarked. “ It tells the day of the 
month, and doesn’t tell what o’clock it is!” 

“ Why should it ? ” muttered the Hatter. 
“ Does your watch tell you what year it is ? ” 

“ Of course not,” Alice replied very readily : 
“ but that’s because it stays the same year 
for such a long time together.” 

“Which is just the case with mine” said 
the Hatter. 

Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter’s 
remark seemed to her to have no sort of 
meaning in it, and yet it was certainly Eng- 
lish. “ I don’t quite understand you,” she 
said, as politely as she could. 

“ The Dormouse is asleep again,” said the 
Hatter, and poured a little hot tea on to its 
nose. 

The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, 
and said, without opening its eyes, “ of 
course, of course : just what I was going to 
remark myself.” 

“ Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the 
Hatter said, turning to Alice again. 

“No, I give it up,” Alice replied: “what’s 
the answer ? ” 

“ I haven’t the slightest idea, said the Hat- 
ter. 


9 6 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


“ Nor I,” said the March Hare. 

Alice sighed wearily. “ I think you might 
do something better with the time,” she said, 
“ than wasting it in asking riddles that have 
no answers.” 

“ If you knew time as well as I do,” said 
the Hatter, “ you wouldn’t talk about wast- 
ing it. It’s him!' 

“ I don’t know what you mean,” said 
Alice. 

“ Of course you don’t ! ” the Hatter said, 
tossing his head contemptuously. “ I dare 
say you never even spoke to time ! ” 

“ Perhaps not,” Alice cautiously replied : 
“ but I know I have to beat time when I learn 
music.” 

“ Ah ! that accounts for it said the Hatter. 
“ He won’t stand beating. Now, if you only 
kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost 
anything you liked with the clock. For in- 
stance, suppose it were nine o’clock in the 
morning, just time to begin lessons: you’d 
only have to whisper a hint to Time, and 
round goes the clock in a twinkling ! Half- 
past one, time for dinner ! ” 

(“ I only wish it was,” the March Hare said 
to itself in a whisper.) 

“ That would be grand, certainly,” said 
Alice thoughtfully : “ but then — I should’nt 
be hungry for it, you know.” 

“ Not at first, perhaps,” said the Hatter : 


A MAD TEA-PARTY . 


97 


“but you could keep it to half- past one as 
long* as you liked.” 

“Is that the way you manage?” Alice 
asked. 

The Hatter shook his head mournfully. 
“ Not I he replied. “ We quarrelled last 
March just before he went mad, you 



know ” (pointing with his teaspoon at 

the March Hare,) “ it was at the great 

concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I 
had to sing.” 

‘ Twinkle , twinkle little bat ? 

How I wonder what you're at ! * 

You know the song perhaps ? ” 

“ I’ve heard something like it,” said Alice. 

• 4 


98 ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 

“ It goes on, you know,” the Hatter contin- 
ued, “ in this way : 

‘ Up above the zv or Id you fly , 

Like a teatray in the sky . 

Twinkle, twinkle ’ ” 

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began 
singing in its sleep, “ Twinkle , twinkle , twinkle , 

twinkle ” and went on so long that they 

had to pinch it to make it stop. 

“Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,” 
said the Hatter, “when the Queen bawled out 
‘ He’s murdering the time ! Off with his 
head !’ ” 

“ How dreadfully savage! ” exclaimed Alice. 

“And ever since that,” the Hatter went on 
in a mournful tone, “ he won’t do a thing I 
ask ! It’s always six o’clock now.” 

A bright idea came into Alice’s head. “ Is 
that the reason so many tea-things are put 
out here ? ” she asked. 

“Yes, that’s it,” said the Hatter with a 
sigh: “it’s always tea-time, and we’ve no 
time to wash the things between whiles.” 

“Then you keep moving round, I sup- 
pose ? ” said Alice. 

“ Exactly so,” said the Hatter: “ as the 
things get used up.” 

“ But when you come to the beginning 
again ? ” Alice ventured to ask. 


A MAD TEA-PAD TV. 


99 


“ Suppose we change the subject,” the 
March Hare interrupted, yawning*. “ I’m 
getting tired of this. I vote the young lady 
tells us a story.” 

“ I’m afraid I don’t know one,” said Alice, 
rather alarmed at the proposal. 

“ Then the Dormouse shall ! ” they both 
cried. “Wake up, Dormouse!” And they 
pinched it on both sides at once. 

The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. 
“ I wasn’t asleep,” he said in a hoarse, feeble 
voice: “ I heard every word you fellows were 
saying.” 

“ Tell us a story ! ” said the March Hare. 

“ Yes, please do! ” pleaded Alice. 

“ And be quick about .it,” added the Hat- 
ter, “ or you’ll be asleep again before it’s 
done.” 

“ Once upon a time there were three little 
sisters,” the Dormouse began in a great 
hurry ; “ and their names were Elsie, Lacie, 
and Tillie ; and they lived at the bottom of a 
well ” 

“ What did they live on ? ” said Alice, who 
always took a great interest in questions of 
eating and drinking. 

“ They lived on treacle,” said the Dormouse, 
after thinking a minute or two. 

“ They couldn’t have done that, you know,” 
Alice gently remarked: “they’d have been 
ill.” 


L.ofC. 


IOO 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


“ So they were,” said the Dormouse ; “ very 

ill” 

Alice tried a little to fancy to herself what 
such an extraordinary way of living would 
be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she 
went on: “ But why did they live at the bot- 
tom of a well ? ” 

“ Take some more tea,” the March Hare 
said to Alice, very earnestly. 

“ I’ve had nothing yet,” Alice replied in an 
offended tone, “ so I can’t take more.” 

“ Y ou mean, you can’t take less,” said the 
Hatter: “ it’s very easy to make more than 
nothing.” 

“ Nobody asked your opinion,” said Alice. 

“ Who’s making personal remarks now ? ” 
the Hatter asked triumphantly. 

Alice did not quite know what to say to 
this: so she helped herself to some tea and 
bread-and-butter, and then turned to the 
Dormouse, and repeated her question. “ Why 
did they live at the bottom of a well ? ” 

The Dormouse again took a minute or two 
to think about it, and then said, “ It was a 
treacle- well.” 

“ There’s no such thing ! ” Alice was begin- 
ning very angrily, but the Hatter and the 
March Hare went “ Sh ! sh ! ” and the Dor- 
mouse sulkily remarked, “If you can’t be 
civil, you’d better finish the story for your- 
self.” 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


IOI 


“No, please go on!” Alice said very 
humbly: “ I won’t interrupt you again. I 
dare say there may be one!' 

“ One, indeed ! ” said the Dormouse indig- 
nantly. However, he consented to go on. 
“ And so these three little sisters — they were 
learning to draw, you know 

“ What did they draw? ” said Alice, quite 
forgetting her promise. 

“ Treacle,” said the Dormouse, without 
considering at all this time. 

“ I want a clean cup,” interrupted the Hat- 
ter: “ let’s all move one place on.” 

He moved on as he spoke, and the Dor- 
mouse followed him: the March Hare moved 
into the Dormouse’s place, and Alice rather 
unwillingly took the place of the March 
Hare. The Hatter was the only one who 
got any advantage from the change: and 
Alice was a good deal worse off than before, 
as the March Hare had just upset the milk- 
jug into his plate. 

Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse 
again, so she began very cautiously: “ But 
I don’t understand. Where did they draw 
the treacle from ? ” 

“ You can draw water out of a water-well,” 
said the Hatter; “so I should think you 
could draw treacle out of a treacle- well — 
eh, stupid ? ” 

“ But they were in the well,” Alice said to 


102 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


the Dormouse, not choosing to notice this 
last remark. 

“ Of course they were,” said the Dormouse, 
— “ well in.” 

This answer so confused poor Alice, that 
she let the Dormouse go on for some time 
without interrupting it. 

“They were learning to draw,” the Dor- 
mouse went on, yawning and rubbing its 
eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; “and 
they drew all manner of things — everything 
that begins with an M ” 

“ Why with an M ? ” said Alice. 

“ Why not? ” said the March Hare. 

Alice was silent. 

The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this 
time, and was going off into a doze, but, on 
being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up 
again with a little shriek, and went on : 
“ that, begins with an M, such as mouse- 

traps, and the moon, and memory, and much- 
ness — you know you say things are ‘ much of 
a muchness ’ — did you ever see such a thing 
as a drawing of a muchness ? ” 

“ Really, now you ask me,” said Alice, very 
much confused, “ I don’t think ” 

“ Then you shouldn’t talk,” said the Hatter. 

This piece of rudeness was more than 
Alice could bear : she got up in great disgust, 
and walked off : the Dormouse fell asleep 
instantly, and neither of the others took the 


A MAD TEA-PARTV. 


103 


least notice of her going, though she looked 
back once or twice, half hoping that they 
would call after her : the last time she saw 
them, they were trying to put the Dormouse 
into the teapot. 

“ At any rate I’ll never go there again ! ” 



said Alice as she picked her way through the 
wood. 

“ It’s the stupidest tea-party I ever was at 
in all my life! ” 

Just as she said this, she noticed that one 
of the trees had a door leading right into it. 
“ That’s very curious ! ” she thought. “ But 
everything’s curious to-day. I think I may 
as well go in at once.” And in she went. 


104 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


Once more she found herself in the long 
hall, and close to the little glass table. “ Now, 
I’ll manage better this time,” she said to her- 
self, and began by taking the little golden 
key, and unlocking the door that led into the 
garden. Then she set to work nibbling at 
the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in 
her pocket) till she was about a foot high : 
then she walked down the little passage : 
and then — she found herself at last in the 
beautiful garden, among the bright flower- 
beds and the cool fountains. 


CHAPTER VIII. 


THE QUEENS CROQUET-GROUND. 

A large rose-tree stood near the entrance 
of the garden : the roses growing on it were 
white, but there were three gardeners at it, 
busily painting them red. Alice thought this 
a very curious thing, and she went nearer to 
watch them, and just as she came up to them 
she heard one of them say, “ Look out now, 
Five ! Don’t go splashing paint over me like 
that ! ” 

“ I couldn’t help it,” said Five in a sulky 
tone ; “ Seven jogged my elbow.” 

On which Seven looked up and said, 
“ That’s right, Five ! Always lay the blame 
on others ! ” 

“ You’d better not talk ! ” said Five. “ I 
heard the Queen say only yesterday you 
deserved to be beheaded ! ” 


106 ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 

“ What for ? ” said the one who had spoken 
first. 

“ That’s none of your business, Two ! ” said 
Seven. 

“Yes, it is his business!” said Five, and 
I’ll tell him — it was for bringing the cook 
tulip-roots instead of onions.” 

Seven flung down his brush, and had just 
begun, “Well, of all the unjust things — ” 
when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as 
she stood watching them, and he checked 
himself suddenly: the others looked round 
also, and all of them bowed low. 

“ Would you tell me, please,” said Alice, 
a little timidly, “ why you are painting those 
roses ! ” 

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked 
at Two. Two began, in a low voice, “ Why, 
the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to 
have been a red rose-tree, and we put a white 
one in by mistake, and if the Queen was to 
find it out, we should all have our heads cut 
off, you know. So you see, Miss, we’re doing 
our best, afore she comes, to — ” At this 
moment Five, who had been anxiously look- 
ing across the garden, called out, “The 
Queen ! The Queen ! ” and the three gardeners 
instantly threw themselves flat upon their 
faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, 
and Alice looked round, eager to see the 
Queen. 


THE Q VEEN'S CROQ UET-GRO UND. 107 

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs ; 
these were all shaped like the three garden- 
ers, oblong and flat, with their hands and 
feet at the corners : next the ten courtiers ; 
these were ornamented all over with dia- 



monds, and walked two and two, as the 
soldiers did. After these came the royal 
children : there were ten of them, and the 
little dears came jumping merrily along 
hand in hand, in couples : they were all 
ornamented with hearts. Next came the 


108 ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 

guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among 
them Alice recognized the White Rabbit : it 
was talking in a hurried nervous manner, 
smiling at everything that was said, and 
went by without noticing her- Then fol- 
lowed the Knave of hearts, carrying the 
King’s crown on a crimson velvet cushion ; 
and, last of all this grand procession, came 
THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS. 

Alice was rather doubtful whether she 
ought not to lie down on her face like the 
three gardeners, but she could not remember 
ever having heard of such a rule at proces- 
sions ; “ and besides, what would be the use 
of a procession,” she thought, “ if people had 
all to lie down on their faces, so that they 
couldn’t see it ? ” So she stood where she 
was, and waited. 

When the procession came opposite to Alice, 
they all stopped and looked at her, and the 
Queen said severely, “ Who is this ? ” She 
said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only 
bowed and smiled in reply. 

“Idiot!” said the Queen, tossing her head 
impatiently ; and, turning to Alice, she went 
on, “What’s your name, child?” 

“My name is Alice, so please your Majes- 
ty,” said Alice very politely ; but she added, to 
herself, “Why, they are only a pack of cards, 
after all. I needn’t be afraid of them!” 

“ And who are these?” said the Queen, point- 


THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND. 


109 



ing to the three gardeners who were lying 
round the rose-tree ; for you see, as they 
were lying on their faces, and the pattern on 
their backs was the same as the rest of the 


no 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


pack, she could not tell whether they were 
gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three 
of her own children. 

“ How should I know ? ” said Alice, sur- 
prised at her own courage. “It’s no busi- 
ness of mine!' 

The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, 
after glaring at her for a moment like a wild 
beast, began screaming, “ Off with her head ! 
Off'—” 

“Nonsense!” said Alice very loudly and 
decidedly, and the Queen was silent. 

The King laid his hand upon her arm, and 
timidly said, “ Consider, my dear : she is only 
a child!” 

The Queen turned angrily away from 
him, and said to the Knave, “ Turn them 
over ! ” 

The Knave did so, very carefully, with one 
foot. 

“Get up!” said the Queen in a shrill, loud 
voice, and the three gardeners instantly 
jumped up, and began bowing to the King, 
the Queen, the royal children, and every- 
body else. 

“Leave off that!” screamed the Queen, 
“You make me giddy.” And then, turning 
to the rose-tree, she went on, “What have 
you been doing here?” 

“May it please your Majesty,” said Two, 


THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND. hi 

in a very humble tone, going down on one 
knee as he spoke, “ we were trying — ” 

“I see!” said the Queen, who had mean- 
while been examining the roses. “Off with 
their heads!” and the procession moved on, 
three of the soldiers remaining behind to ex- 
ecute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to 
Alice for protection. 

“You shan’t be beheaded!” said Alice, and 
she put them into a large flower-pot, that 
stood near. The three soldiers wandered 
about for a minute or two, looking for them, 
and then quietly marched off after the 
others. 

“ Are their heads off? ” shouted the Queen. 

“Their heads are gone, if it please your 
Majesty ! ” the soldiers shouted in reply. 

“That’s right! ’’ shouted the Queen. “ Can 
you play croquet ? ” 

The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, 
as the question was evidently meant for her. 

“ Yes ! ” shouted Alice. 

“Come on then!” roared the Queen, and 
Alice joined the procession, wondering very 
much what would happen next. 

“ It’s — it’s a very fine day ! ” said a timid 
voice at her side. She was walking by the 
White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously 
into her face. 

“Very,” said Alice: — “where’s the Duch- 
ess ? ” 


I 12 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


“ Hush ! Hush ! ” said the Rabbit in a low 
hurried tone. He looked anxiously over his 
shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself 
upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, 
and whispered, “She is under sentence of 
execution.” 

“ What for ? ” said Alice. 

“ Did you say ‘What a pity!’ ? ” the Rabbit 
asked'. 

“ No, I didn’t,” said Alice : “ I don’t think 
it’s at all a pity. I said * What for ? ’ ” 

“ She boxed the Queen’s ears — ” the Rabbit 
began. Alice gave a little scream of laugh- 
ter. “ Oh, hush ! ” the Rabbit whispered in a 
frightened tone. “The Queen will hear you! 
Y ou see she came rather late, and the Queen 
said — ” 

“ Get to your places ! ” shouted the Queen in 
a voice of thunder, and people began running 
about in all directions, tumbling up against 
each other : however, they got settled down 
in a minute or two, and the game began. 

Alice thought she had never seen such a 
curious croquet- ground in her life : it was 
all ridges and furrows ; the croquet-balls 
were live hedgehogs, and the mallets live 
flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double 
themselves up and stand an their hands and 
feet, to make the arches. 

The chief difficulty Alice found at first was 
in managing her flamingo : she succeeded in 


THE Q UEEN’S CROQ UET-GRO UND. 1 1 3 

getting its body tucked away, comfortably 
enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging 
down, but generally, just as she had got its 
neck nicely straightened out, and was going 
to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, 
it would twist itself round and look up into 



her face, with such a puzzled expression that 
she could not help bursting out laughing: and 
when she had got its head down, and was 
going to begin again, it was very provoking 
to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, 
and was in the act of crawling away : be- 
4 * 


1 14 ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 

sides all this, there was generally a ridge or 
a furrow in the way wherever she wanted to 
send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up 
soldiers were always getting up and walking 
off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon 
came to the conclusion that it was a very 
difficult game indeed. 

The players all played at once without 
waiting for turns, quarrelling all the while, 
and fighting for the hedgehogs ; and in a 
very short time the Queen was in a furious 
passion, and went stamping about, shouting, 
“ Off with his head ! ” or “ Off with her head ! ” 
about once in a minute. 

Alice began to feel very uneasy : to be 
sure, she had not as yet had any dispute with 
the Queen, but she knew that it might hap- 
pen any minute, “ and then,” thought she, 
“ what would become of me ? They’re dread- 
fully fond of beheading people here: the 
great wonder is, that there’s any one left 
alive ! ” 

She was looking about for some way of 
escape, and wondering whether she could 
get away without being seen, when she 
noticed a curious appearance in the air : it 
puzzled her very much at first, but after 
watching it a minute or two she made it out 
to be a grin, and she said to herself, “ It’s the 
Cheshire Cat : now I shall have somebody to 
talk to.” 


THE Q UEEN'S CROQ UET-GRO UND. i 1 5 

“ How are you getting on ? ” said the Cat, 
as soon as there was mouth enough for it to 
speak with. 

Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and 
then nodded. “ I’ts no use speaking to it,” 
she thought, “ till its ears have come, or at 
least one of them.” In another minute the 
whole head appeared, and then Alice put 
down her flamingo, and began an account of 
the game, feeling very glad she had some 
one to listen to her. The Cat seemed to 
think that there was enough of it now in 
sight, and no more of it appeared. 

“ I don’t think they play at all fairly,” 
Alice began, in rather a complaining tone,” 
“ and they all quarrel so dreadfully one -can’t 
hear one’s-self speak— and they don’t seem 
to have any rules in particular ; at least, if 
there are, nobody attends to them — and 
you’ve no idea how confusing it is all the 
things being alive ; for instance, there’s the 
arch I’ve got to go through next walking 
about the other end of the ground — and I 
should have croqueted the Queen’s hedgehog 
just now, only it ran away when it saw mine 
coming ! ” 

“ How do you like the Queen ? ” said the 
Cat in a low voice. 

“Not at all,” said Alice: “she’s so ex- 
tremely — ” Just then she noticed that the 
Queen was close behind her, listening : so 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


1 16 

she went on “ — likely to win, that it’s hardly 
worth while finishing the game.” 

The Queen smiled and passed on. 

“ Who are you talking too ? ” said the King, 
coming up to Alice, and looking at the Cat’s 
head with great curiosity. 

“ It’s a friend of mine — a Cheshire Cat,” said 
Alice : “ allow me to introduce it.” 

“ I don’t like the look of it at all,” said the 
King : “ however, it may kiss my hand if it 
likes.” 

“I’d rather not,” the Cat remarked. 

“ Don’t be impertinent,” said the King, “ and 
don’t look at me like that! ” He got behind 
Alice as he spoke. 

“A cat may look at a king,” said Alice. 
“I’ve read that in some book, but I don’t re- 
member where.” 

“ Well, it must be removed,” said the King 
very decidedly, and he called to the Queen, 
who was passing at the moment, “ My 
dear ! I wish you would have this cat re- 
moved ! ” 

The Queen had only one way of settling all 
difficulties, great or small. “ Off with his 
head!” she said without even looking around. 

“ I’ll fetch the executioner myself,” said the 
King eagerly, and he hurried off*. 

Alice thought she might as well go back 
and see how the game was going on, as she 


THE Q UEEN'S CROQ UET-GRO UND. 1 1 7 

heard the Queen’s voice in the distance, 
screaming with passion. She had already 
heard her sentence three of the players to be 
executed for having missed their turns, and 
she did not like the look of things at all, as 
the game was in such confusion that she 
never knew whether it was her turn or 
not. So she went off in search of her hedge- 
hog. 

The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with 
another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an 
excellent opportunity for croqueting one of 
them with the other : the only difficulty was, 
that her flamingo was gone across to the 
other side of the garden, where Alice could 
see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly 
up into a tree. 

By the time she had caught the flamingo 
and brought it back, the fight was over, and 
both the hedgehogs were out of sight : “ but it 
doesn’t matter much,” thought Alice, “ as all 
the arches are gone from this side of the 
ground.” So she tucked it away under her 
arm, that it might not escape again, and went 
back to have a little more conversation with 
her friend. 

When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, 
she was surprised to see quite a large crowd 
collected round it : there was a dispute going 
on between the executioner, the King, and the 


1 1 8 A LICE IN WONDER LA ND. 

Queen, who were all talking at once, while 
all the rest were quite silent, and looked very 
uncomfortable. 

The moment Alice appeared, she was ap- 
pealed to by all three to settle the question, 
and they repeated their arguments to her, 
though, as they all spoke at once, she found 
it very hard to make out exactly what they 
said. 

The executioner’s argument was, that you 
couldn’t cut off a head unless there was a 
body to cut it off from : that he had never 
had to do such a thing before, and he wasn’t 
going to begin at his time of life. 

The King’s argument was, that anything 
that had a head could be beheaded, and that 
you weren’t to talk nonsense. 

The Queen’s argument was, that if some- 
thing wasn’t done about it in less than no 
time, she’d have everybody executed, all 
round. (It was this last remark that had 
made the whole party look so grave and 
anxious.) 

Alice could think of nothing else to say 
but “ It belongs to the Duchess : you’d better 
ask her about it.,’ 

“ She’s in prison,” the queen said to the 
executioner : “ fetch her here.” And the exe- 
cutioner went oft like an arrow. 

The Cat’s head began fading away the 


THE Q UEEN' S CRO Q UET-GRO UND. 1 1 9 

moment he was gone, and, by the time he 
had come back with the Duchess, it had en- 
tirely disappeared : so the King and the exe- 



cutioner ran wildly up and down looking 
for it, while the rest of the party went back 
to the game. 


CHAPTER IX. 


THE MOCK TURTLES STORY. 

“You can’t think how glad I am to see 
you again, you dear old thing ! ” said the 
Duchess, as she tucked her arm affection- 
ately into Alice’s, and they walked off to- 
gether. 

Alice was very glad to find her in such a 
pleasant temper, and thought to herself that 
perhaps it was only the pepper that had 
made her so savage when they met in the 
kitchen. “ When I'm a Duchess,” she said to 
herself, (not in a very hopeful tone though,) 
“ I won’t have any pepper in my kitchen at 
all . Soup does very well without — Maybe 
it’s always pepper that makes people hot- 
tempered,” she went on, very much pleased 
at having found out a new kind of rule, 
“ and vinegar that makes them sour — and 


THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY. 


I 2 I 


camomile that makes them bitter — and — 
barley-sugar and such things that make 
children sweet-tempered. I only wish people 
knew that : then they wouldn’t be so stingy 
about it, you know — ” 

She had quite forgotten the Duchess by 
this time, and was a little startled when she 
heard her voice close to her ear. “ Y ou’re 
thinking about something, my dear, and that 
makes you forget to talk. I can’t tell just 
now what the moral of that is, but I shall 
remember it in a bit.” 

“ Perhaps it hasn’t one,” Alice ventured to 
remark. 

“ Tut, tut, child ! ” said the Duchess. “Every- 
thing’s got a moral, if only you can find it.” 
And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice’s 
side as she spoke. 

Alice did not much like her keeping so close 
to her : first, because the Duchess was very 
ugly, and secondly, because she was exactly 
the right height to rest her chin on Alice’s 
shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp 
chin. However, she did not like to be rude, 
so she bore it as well as she could. 

“The game’s going on rather better now,” 
she said by way of keeping up the conversa- 
tion a little. 

“ ’Tis so,” said the Duchess, “ and the moral 
of that is — ‘ Oh, ’tis love, ’tis love, that makes 
the world go round ! ’ ” 


122 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


“ Somebody said,” Alice whispered, “ that 
it’s done by everybody minding their own 
business ! ” 

“ Ah, well ! It means much the same thing,” 
said the Duchess, digging her sharp little 
chin into Alice’s shoulder as she added, “ and 
the moral of that is — ‘ Take care of the sense, 
and the sounds will take care of themselves.” 

“ How fond she is in finding morals in 
things ! ” Alice thought to herself. 

“ I daresay you’re wondering why I don’t 
put my arm round your waist,” said the 
Duchess after a pause : “ the reason is, that 
I’m doubtful about the temper of your flam- 
ingo. .Shall I try the experiment? ” 

“ He might bite,” Alice cautiously replied, 
not feeling at all anxious to have the experi- 
ment tried. 

“Very true,” replied the Duchess: “flam- 
ingoes and mustard both bite. And the 
moral of that is — ‘ Birds of a feather flock to- 
gether.’ ” 

“ Only mustard isn’t a bird,” Alice re- 
marked. 

“ Right as usual,” said the Duchess : “ what 
a clear way you have of putting things ! ” 

“ It’s a mineral, I think ,” said Alice. 

“ Of course it is,” said the Duchess, who 
seemed ready to agree to everything that 
Alice said ; “ there’s a large mustard-mine 
near here. And the moral of that is — ‘ The 


THE MOCK TURTLES STORY. 


123 


more there is of mine, the less there is of 
yours.’ ” 

“ Oh, I know ! ” exclaimed Alice, who had 



not attended to this last remark, “ it’s a 
vegetable. It doesn’t look like one, but it is.” 

“ I quite agree with you,” said the Duch- 
ess, “ and the moral of that is — ‘ Be what you 
would seem to be ’ — or, if you’d like it put 
more simply — ‘ Never imagine yourself not 


124 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


to be otherwise than what it might appear 
to others that what you were or might have 
been was not otherwise than what you had 
been would have appeared to them to be 
otherwise.” 

“ I think I should understand that better,” 
Alice said very politely, “ if I had it written 
down : but I can’t quite follow it as you say 
it.” 

“ That’s nothing to what I could say if I 
chose,” the Duchess replied in a pleased tone. 

“ Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any 
longer than that,” said Alice. 

“ Oh, don’t talk about trouble ! ” said the 
Duchess. “ I make you a present of every- 
thing I’ve said as yet.” 

“A cheap sort of present ! ” thought Alice. 
“I’m glad they don’t give birthday presents 
like that! ” But she did not venture to say 
it out loud. 

“ Thinking again ? ” the Duchess asked, 
with another dig of her sharp little chin. 

“ I’ve a right to think,” said Alice sharply, 
for she was beginning to feel a little worried. 

“Just about as much right,” said the 
Duchess, “ as pigs have to fly : and the m — ” 

But here, to Alice’s great surprise, the 
Duchess’ voice died away, even in the middle 
of her favorite word ‘moral,’ and the arm 
that was linked into hers began to tremble. 
Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen 


THE MOCK TURTLES STORY. 


125 


in front of them, with her arms folded, frown- 
ing like a thunderstorm. 

“A fine day, your Majesty ! ” the Duchess 
began in a low, weak voice. 

“ Now, I give you fair warning,” shouted 
the Queen, stamping on the ground as she 
spoke : “ either you or your head must be off', 
and that in about half no time! Take your 
choice ! ” 

The Duchess took her choice, and was 
gone in a moment. 

“ Let’s go on with the game,” the Queen 
said to Alice, and Alice was too much fright- 
ened to say a word, but slowly followed her 
back to the croquet-ground. -L 

The other guests had taken advantage of 
the Queen’s absence, and were resting in the 
shade : however, the moment they saw her, 
they hurried back to the game, the Queen 
merely remarking that a moment’s delay 
would cost them their lives. 

All the time they were playing the Queen 
never left off quarrelling with the other play- 
ers, and shouting “ Off with his head ! ” or 
“ Off with her head ! ” Those whom she 
sentenced were taken into custody by the 
soldiers, who of course had to leave off being 
arches to do this, so that by the end of half 
an hour or so there were no arches left, and 
all the players, except the King, the Queen, 


126 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


and Alice, were in custody, and under sen- 
tence of execution. 

Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, 
and said to Alice, “ Have you seen the Mock 
Turtle yet ? ” 

“ No,” said Alice. “ I don’t even know what 
a Mock Turtle is,” 

“ It’s the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made 
from,” said the Queen. 

“ I never saw one, or heard of one,” said 
Alice. 

“ Come on, then,” said the Queen, “ and he 
shall tell you his history.” 

As they walked off together, Alice heard 
the King say in a low voice, to the company 
generally, “ You are all pardoned.” “Come, 
that's a good thing ! ” she said to herself, for 
she had felt quite unhappy at the number of 
executions the Queen had ordered. 

They very soon came upon a Gryphon, 
lying fast asleep in the sun. (If you don’t 
know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) 
“ Up, lazy thing ! ” said the Queen, “ and take 
this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and 
to hear his history. I must go back and see 
after some executions I have ordered ; ” and 
she walked off, leaving Alice alone with the 
Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look 
of the creature, but on the whole she thought 
it would be quite as safe to stay with it as 
to go after that savage Queen : so she waited. 


THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY. 


127 


The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes : 
then it watched the Queen till she was out 
of sight : then it chuckled. “ What fun ! ” 
said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice. 
“ What is the fun,” said Alice. 

“ Why, she” said the Gryphon. “ It’s all 



her fancy, that ; they never executes nobody, 
you know. Come on ! ” 

“ Everybody says ‘ come on! ’ here,” thought 
Alice, as she went slowly after it : “I never 
was so ordered about before in all my life, 
never ! ” 

They had not gone far before they saw the 
Mock Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and 


128 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they 
came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing 
as if his heart would break. She pitied him 
deeply. “ What is his sorrow ? ” she asked 
the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, 
very nearly in the same words as before, 
“ It’s all his fancy, that : he hasn’t got no 
sorrow, you know. Come on ! ” 

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who 
looked at them with large eyes full of tears, 
but said nothing. 

“This here young lady,” said the Gryphon, 
“she wants for to know your history, she 
do.” 

“ I’ll tell it her,” said the Mock Turtle 
in a deep, hollow tone: “sit down both of 
you, and don’t speak a word till I’ve fin- 
ished.” 

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for 
some minutes, Alice thought to herself, “ I 
don’t see how he can ever finish, if he doesn’t 
begin.” But she waited patiently. 

“Once,” said the Mock Turtle at last, with 
a deep sigh, “ I was a real Turtle.” 

These words were followed by a very long 
silence, broken only by an occasional ex- 
clamation of “ Hjckrrh!” from the Gryphon, 
and the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock 
Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up 
and saying, “Thank you, sir, for your inter- 
esting story,” but she could not help thinking 


THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY. 


129 



there must be more to come, so she sat still 
and said nothing. 

“ When we were little,” the Mock Turtle 
went on at last, more calmly, though still 
sobbing a little now and then, “ we went to 

5 


1 3 o 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


school in the sea. The master was an old 
Turtle — we used to call him Tortoise — ” 

“ Why did you call him Tortoise, if he 
wasn’t one?” Alice asked. 

“ We called him Tortoise, because he 
taught us,” said the Mock Turtle angrily ; 
“ really you are very dull ! ” 

“ Y ou ought to be ashamed of yourself for 
asking such a simple question,” added the 
Gryphon : and then they both sat silent and 
looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink 
into the earth. At last the Gryphon said to 
the Mock Turtle, “ Drive on, old fellow ! 
Don’t be all day about it ! ” and he went on in 
these words. 

“ Yes, we went to school in the sea, though 
you mayn’t believe it — ” 

“ I never said I didn’t! ” interrupted Alice. 

“ You did,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ Hold your tongue! ” added the Gryphon, 
before Alice could speak again. The Mock 
Turtle went on. 

“We had the best of educations — in fact, 
we went to school every day — ” 

“ I've been to a day-school too,” said Alice ; 
(< you needn’t be so proud as all that.” 

“With extras?” asked the Mock Turtle a 
little anxiously. 

“ Yes,” said Alice, “ we learned French and 
music.” 

“ And washing? ” said the Mock Turtle. 

f 


THE MOCK TURTLES STORY. 


* 3 * 

“ Certainly not ! ” said Alice indignantly. 

“ Ah ! Then yours wasn’t a really good 
school,” said the Mock Turtle in a tone of 
great relief. “ Now at ours they had at the 
end of the bill, ‘ French, music, and washing — 
extra.’ ” 

“You couldn’t have wanted it much,” said 
Alice ; “ living at the bottom of the sea.” 

“ I couldn’t afford to learn it,” said the 
Mock Turtle with a sigh. “ I only took the 
regular course.” 

“ What was that? ” inquired Alice. 

“ Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin 
with,” the Mock Turtle replied : “ and then 
the different branches of Arithmetic — Ambi- 
tion, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.” 

“ I never heard of ‘ Uglification,’ ” Alice 
ventured to say. “ What is it ? ” 

The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in 
surprise. “ Never heard of uglifying! ” it ex- 
claimed. “ You know what to beautify is, I 
suppose ? ” 

“ Yes,” said Alice, doubtfully : “ it means — 
to — make — anythi ng — prettier.” 

“ Well then,” the Gryphon went on, “ if you 
don’t know what to uglify is, you are a 
simpleton.” 

Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any 
more questions about it so she turned to the 
Mock Turtle, and said, “ what else had you to 
learn ? ” 


I 3 2 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


“ Well, there was Mystery,” the Mock 
Turtle replied, counting off the subjects on 
his flappers, — “ Mystery, ancient and modern, 
with Seaography : then Drawling — the 
Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that 
used to come once a week : he taught 
us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in 
Coils.” 

“ What was that like ? ” said Alice. 

“ Well, I can’t show it you, myself,” the 
Mock Turtle said: “I’m too stiff. And the 
Gryphon never learnt it.” 

“ Hadn’t time,” said the Gryphon : “ I went 
to the Classical master, though. He was an 
old crab, he was.” 

“ I never went to him,” the Mock Turtle 
said with a sigh : “ he taught Laughing and 
Grief, they used to say.” 

“ So he did, so he did,” said the Gryphon, 
sighing in his turn, and both creatures hid 
their faces in their paws. 

“ And how many hours a day did you do 
lessons?” said Alice, in a hurry to change 
the subject. 

“ Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock 
Turtle: “ nine the next, and so on.” 

“ What a curious plan ! ” exclaimed Alice. 

“ That’s the reason they’re called lessons,” 
the Gryphon remarked : because they lessen 
from day to day.” 

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and 


THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY. 133 

she thought it over a little before she made 
her next remark. “Then the eleventh day 
must have been a holiday ? ” 

“ Of course it was,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ And how did you manage on the twelfth ? ” 
Alice went on eagerly. 

“ That’s enough about lessons,” the Gry- 
phon interrupted in a very decided tone: 
“ tell her something about the games now.” 


CHAPTER X. 


THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew 
the back of one flapper across his eyes. He 
looked at Alice and tried to speak, but for a 
minute or two sobs choked his voice. “ Same 
as if he had a bone in his throat,” said the 
Gryphon, and it set to work shaking him 
and punching him in the back. At last the 
Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with 
tears running down his cheeks, he went on 
again : — 

“ You may not have lived much under the 
sea — ” (“ I haven’t,” said Alice) — “ and per- 
haps you were never even introduced to a 
lobster — ” (Alice began to say “ I once 
tasted — ” but checked herelf hastily, and 
said, “No, never”) — “so you can have no 
idea what a delightful thing a Lobster- 
Quadrille is ! ” 


THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 


J 35 


“ No, indeed,” said Alice. “ What sort of a 
dance is it ? ” 

“Why, said the Gryphon, “you first form 
into a line along the seashore—” 

“ Two lines ! ” cried the Mock Turtle. 
“Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on: then, 
when you’ve cleared all the jelly-fish out of 
the way—” 

“ That generally takes some time,” inter- 
rupted the Gryphon. 

“ — you advance twice — ” 

“ Each with a lobster as a partner ! ” cried 
the Gryphon. 

“ Of course,” the Mock Turtle said : “ ad- 
vance twice, set to partners — ” 

“ — change lobsters, and retire in same 
order,” continued the Gryphon. 

“Then, you know,” the Mock Turtle went 
on, “you throw the — ” 

“ The lobsters ! ” shouted the Gryphon, with 
a bound into the air. 

“ — as far out to sea as you can — ” 

“ Swim after them ! ” screamed the Gry- 
phon. 

“ Turn a somersault in the sea ! ” cried the 
Mock Turtle, capering wildly about. 

“ Change lobsters again ! ” yelled the Gry- 
phon at the top of its voice. 

“ Back to land again, and — that’s all the 
first figure,” said the Mock Turtle, suddenly 
dropping his voice, and the two creatures, 


136 ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 

who had been jumping about like mad things 
all this time, sat down again very sadly and 
quietly, and looked at Alice. 

“ It must be a very pretty dance,” said 
Alice timidly. 

“Would you like to see a little of it ? ” siad 
the Mock Turtle. 

“ Very much, indeed,” said Alice. 

“ Come, let’s try the first figure ! ” said the 
Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. “We can do 
it without lobsters, you know. Which shall 
sing ? ” 

“ Oh, you sing,” said the Gryphon. “ I’ve 
forgotten the words.” 

So they began solemnly dancing round 
and round Alice, every now and then tread- 
ing on her toes when they passed too close, 
and waving their fore-paws to mark the 
time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very 
slowly and sadly: 

“ Will you walk a little faster!" said a whiting to a 
snail , 

‘ 4 There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on 
my tail. 

See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance ! 
They are waiting on the shingle — will you come and join 
the dance ? 

Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join 
the dance ? 

Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join 
the dance ? 


THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 


137 


‘ ‘ You can really have no notion how delightful it will be 
When they take us up and throw us , with the lobsters , 
out to sea ! ” 



But the snail replied “ Too far, too far ! ” and gave a 
look askance — 

Said he thanked the whiting kindly , but he would not join 
the dance. 


138 ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 

Would not , could not , would not , could not, would not 
join the dance. 

Would not , could not, would not, could not, could not 
join the dance. 

“ What matters it how far we go?” his scaly friend 
replied 

1 ‘ There is another shore , you know, upon the other side. 
The further off from England the nearer is to France ; 
Ihen turn not pale , beloved snail, but come and join the 
dance. 

Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join 
the dance ? 

Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you 
join the dance ? " 

“ Thank you, it’s a very interesting dance 
to watch,” said Alice, feeling very glad that 
it was over at last ; “ and I do so like that 
curious song about the whiting ! ” 

“ Oh, as to the whiting,” said the Mock 
Turtle, “ they — you’ve seen them, of course ? ” 
“ Yes,” said Alice, “ I’ve often seen them at 
dinn — ” she checked herself hastily. 

“ I don’t know where Dinn may be,” said 
the Mock Turtle, “ but if you’ve seen them 
so often, of course you know what they’re 
like.” 

“ I believe so,” Alice replied thoughtfully. 


THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 


139 


“They have their tales in their mouths ; — and 
they’re all over crumbs.” 

“You’re wrong about the crumbs,” said 
the Mock Turtle : “ crumbs would all wash 
off in the sea. But they have their tails in 
their mouths ; and the reason is — ’’ here the 
Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes. — 
“ Tell her about the reason and all that,” he 
said to the Gryphon. 

“ The reason is,” said the Gryphon, “ that 
they would go with the lobsters to the dance. 
So they got thrown out to sea. So they had 
to fall a long way. So they got their tails 
fast in their mouths. So they couldn’t get 
them out again. That’s all.” 

“ Thank you,” said Alice, “ it’s very inter- 
esting. I never knew so much about a 
whiting before.” 

“ I can tell you more than that, if you like,” 
said the Gryphon. “ Do you know why it’s 
called a whiting ? ” 

“ I never thought about it,” said Alice. 
“ Why ? ” 

“ It does the boots and shoes" the Gryphon re- 
plied very solemnly. 

Alice was thoroughly puzzled. “ Does the 
boots and shoes ! ” she repeated in a wonder- 
ing tone. 

“ Why, what are your shoes done with ? ” 
said the Gryphon. “ I mean, what makes 
them so shiny ? ” 


140 ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 

Alice looked down at them, and considered 
a little before she gave her answer. “ They’re 
done with blacking, I believe.” 

“ Boots and shoes under the sea,” the Gry- 
phon went on in a deep voice, “ are done 
with whiting. Now you know.” 

“And what are they made of?” Alice 
asked in a tone of great curiosity. 

“ Soles and eels, of course,” the Gryphon 
replied rather impatiently: “any shrimp 
could have told you that.” 

“ If I’d been the whiting,” said Alice, whose 
thoughts were still running on the song, 
“ I’d have said to the porpoise, ‘ keep back, 
please: we don’t want you with us ! ’ ” 

“ They were obliged to have him with 
them,” the Mock Turtle said: “no wise fish 
would go anywhere without a porpoise.” 

“ Wouldn’t it really ? ” said Alice in a tone 
of great surprise. 

“Of course not,” said the Mock Turtle: 
“ why, if a fish came to me , and told me he 
was going a journey, I should say ‘ With 
what porpoise ? ’ ” 

“ Don’t you mean ‘ purpose ? ’ ” said Alice. 

“ I mean what I say,” the Mock Turtle re- 
plied in an offended tone. And the Gryphon 
added “ Come, let’s hear some of your adven- 
tures.” 

“ I could tell you my adventures — begin- 
ning from this morning,” said Alice a little 


THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 


141 

timidly : “ but it’s no use going back to yes- 
terday, because I was a different person 
then.” 

“ Explain all that,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“No, no! the adventures first,” said the 
Gryphon in an impatient tone: “ explana- 
tions take such a dreadful time.” 

So Alice began telling them her adventures 
from the time when she first saw the White 
Rabbit: she was a little nervous about it just 
at first, the two creatures got so close to her, 
one on each side, and opened their eyes and 
mouths so very wide, but she gained courage 
as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly 
quiet till she got to the part about her re- 
peating “ You are old , Father William ,” to the 
Caterpillar, and the words all coming differ- 
ent, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long 
breath, and said, “ That’s very curious.” 

“ It’s all about as curious as it can be,” 
said the Gryphon. 

“ It all came different ! ” the Mock Turtle 
repeated thoughtfully. “ I should like to 
hear her try and repeat something now. 
Tell her to begin.” He looked at the Gry- 
phon as if he thought it had some kind of 
authority over Alice. 

“ Stand up and repeat ‘ ’ Tis the voice of the 
sluggard ,’ ” said the Gryphon. 

“ How the creatures order one about, and 
make one repeat lessons ! ” thought Alice. “ I 


142 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


might just as well be at school at once.” 
However, she got up, and began to repeat it, 
but her head was so full of the Lobster Qua- 
drille, that she hardly knew what she was 
saying, and the words came very queer in- 
deed : 

“ ’ Tis the voice of the lobster ; I heard him declare , 

‘ You have baked me too brown , I must sugar my hair. * 

As a duck with its eyelids , so he with his nose 

Trims his belt and his buttons , and turns out his toes. ” 

“ That’s different from what / used to say 
when I was a child,” said the Gryphon. 

“ Well, I never heard it before,” said the 
Mock Turtle ; “ but it sounds uncommon 
nonsense.” 

Alice said nothing : she had sat down again 
with her face in her hands, wondering if 
anything would ever happen in a natural 
way again. 

“ I should like to have it explained,” said 
the Mock Turtle. 

“ She can’t explain it,” said the Gryphon 
hastily. “ Go on with the next verse.” 

“ But how about his toes ? ” the Mock Turtle 
persisted. “ How could he turn them out 
with his nose, you know ? ” 

“ It’s the first position in dancing,” Alice 
said ; but she was dreadfully puzzled by the 
whole thing, and longed to change the sub- 
ject. 


THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 


r 43 


“ Go on with the next verse,” the Gryphon 
repeated impatiently : “ it begins ‘ I passed by 
his garden! " 



Alice did not dare to disobey, though she 
felt sure it would all come wrong, and she 
went on in a trembling voice : 

“ I passed by his garden, a7id marked, with one eye , 
How the owl and the oyster were sharing the pie — ” 


144 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


44 What is the use of repeating all that 
stuff,” the Mock Turtle interrupted, “ if you 
don’t explain it as you go on? It’s by far 
the most confusing thing / ever heard ! ” 

“ Yes, I think you’d better leave off,” said 
the Gryphon, and Alice was only too glad to 
do so. 

“ Shall we try another figure of the Lob- • 
ster Quadrille ? ” the Gryphon went on. 44 Or 
would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you 
a song ? ” 

“ Oil, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle 
would be so kind,” Alice replied, so eagerly 
that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended 
tone, “Hm! No accounting for tastes ! Sing 
her ‘ Tiirtle Soup! will you, old fellow ? ” 

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, 
in a voice sometimes choked with sobs, to 
sing this : 

“ Beautiful Soup , so rich and green, 

Waiting in a hot tureen ! 

Who for such dainties would not stoop ? 

Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup ! 

Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup 
Beau — ootiful Soo — oop ! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop ! 

Soo — oop of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, beautiful Soup ! 

4 4 Beautiful Soup ! Who cares for fish, 

Game, or any other dish ? 


THE LOBSTER Q UA DRILLE. 145 

Who would not give all else for two p 
ennyworth only of beautiful Soup ? 

Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup ? 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop ! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop ! 

Soo — oop of the e — e — evening , 

Beautiful , beauti — FUL SOUP ! ” 

“ Chorus again ! ” cried the Gryphon, and 
the Mock Turtle had just begun to repeat it, 
when a cry of “ The trial’s beginning ! ” was 
heard in the distance. 

“ Come on ! ” cried the Gryphon, and, tak- 
ing Alice by the hand, it hurried off, without 
waiting for the end of the song. 

“ What trial is it ? ” Alice panted as she 
ran, but the Gryphon only answered “ Come 
on ! ” and ran the faster, while more and 
more faintly came, carried on the breeze that 
followed them, the melancholy words : 

“ Soo — oop of the e — e — evening. 

Beautiful, beautiful Soup ! " 


5 


CHAPTER XI. 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 

The King and Queen of Hearts were 
seated on their throne when they arrived, 
with a great crowd assembled about them — 
all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as 
the whole pack of cards : the Knave was stand- 
ing before them, in chains, with a soldier on 
each side to guard him ; and near the King 
was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in 
one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the 
other. In the very middle of the court was a 
table, with a large dish of tarts upon it : 
they looked so good, that it made Alice quite 
hungry to look at them — “ I wish they’d 
get the trial done,” she thought, “ and hand 
round the refreshments ! ” But there seemed 
to be no chance of this, so she began looking 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS ? 


i47 


at everything about her to pass away the 
time. 

Alice had never been in a court of justice 
before, but she had read about them in 
books, and she was quite pleased to find that 
she knew the name of nearly everything 
there. “That’s the judge,” she said to herself, 
“because of his great wig.” 

The judge, by the way, was the King, and 
as he wore his crown over the wig, (look at 
the frontispiece if you want to see how he 
did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, 
and it was certainly not becoming. 

“ And that’s the jury-box,” thought Alice, 
“ and those twelve creatures,” (she was 
obliged to say “ creatures,” you see, because 
some of them were animals, and some were 
birds,) “ I suppose they are the jurors.” She 
said this last word two or three times over 
to herself, being rather proud of it : for she 
thought, and rightly too, that very few little 
girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. 
However, “jury-men” would have done just 
as well. 

The twelve jurors were all writing very 
busily on slates. “ What are they doing ? ” 
Alice whispered to the Gryphon. “They 
can’t have anything to put down yet, before 
the trial’s begun.” 

“They’re putting down their names,” the 
Gryphon whispered in reply, “ for fear they 


148 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


should forget them before the end of the 
trial.” 

“ Stupid things ! ” Alice began in a loud 
indignant voice, but she stopped herself 
hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, 
“ Silence in the court ! ” and the King put on 
his spectacles and looked anxiously round, 
to make out who was talking. 

Alice could see, as well as if she were look- 
ing over their shoulders, that all the jurors 
were writing down “ stupid things ! ” on 
their slates, and she could even make out 
that one of them didn’t know how to spell 
“ stupid,” and that he had to ask his neigh- 
bor to tell him. “ A nice muddle their slates 
’ll be in before the trial’s over ! ” thought 
Alice. 

One of the jurors had a pencil that 
squeaked. This, of course, Alice could not 
stand, and she went round the court and got 
behind him, and very soon found an oppor- 
tunity of taking it away. She did it so 
quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, 
the Lizard) could not make out at all what 
had become of it ; so, after hunting all about 
for it, he was obliged to write with one 
finger for the rest of the day ; and this was 
of very little use, as it left no mark on the 
slate. 

“ Herald, read the accusation ! ” said the 
King. 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 


149 


On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts 
on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parch- 
ment scroll, and read as follows : 



“ The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts , 

All on a summer day : 

The Knave of Hearts , he stole those tarts , 

And took them quite away ! ” 

“ Consider your verdict,” the King said to 
the jury. 


150 ' ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 

“ Not yet, not yet! ” the Rabbit hastily in- 
terrupted. “ There’s a great deal to come 
before that ! ” 

“ Call the first witness,” said the King ; and 
the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the 
trumpet, and called out, “ First witness ! ” 

The first witness was the Hatter. He 
came in with a teacup in one hand, and a 
piece of bread-and-butter in the other. “ I 
beg pardon, your Majesty,” he began, “for 
bringing these in: but I hadn’t quite fin- 
ished my tea when I was sent for. ” 

“You ought to have finished,” said the 
King. “ When did you begin ? ” 

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who 
had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm 
with the Dormouse. “ Fourteenth of March, 
I think it was,” he said. 

“ Fifteenth,” said the March Hare. 

“ Sixteenth,” added the Dormouse. 

“ Write that down,” the King said to the 
jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all 
three dates on their slates, and then added 
them up, and reduced the answer to shillings 
and pence. 

“ Take off your hat,” the King said to the 
Hatter. 

“ It isn’t mine,” said the Hatter. 

“Stolen!” the King exclaimed, turning to 
the jury, who instantly made a memorandum 
of the fact. 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 


“ I keep them to sell,” the Hatter added as 
an explanation: “ I’ve none of my own. I’m 
a hatter.” 

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and 
began staring hard at the Hatter, who 
turned pale and fidgeted. 

“ Give your evidence,” said the King ; “and 
don’t be nervous, or I’ll have you executed 
on the spot.” 

This did not seem to encourage the wit- 
ness at all: he kept shifting from one foot to 
the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, 
and in his confusion he bit a large piece 
out of his teacup instead of the bread-and- 
butter. 

Just at this moment Alice felt a very 
curious sensation, which puzzled her a good 
deal until she made out what it was: she was 
beginning to grow larger again, and she 
thought at first she would get up and leave 
the court; but on second thoughts she de- 
cided to remain where she was as long as 
there was room for her. 

“ I wish you wouldn’t squeeze so,” said the 
Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. “ I 
can hardly breathe.” 

“ I can’t help it,” said Alice very meekly: 
“ I’m growing.” 

“You’ve no right to grow here ,” said the 
Dormouse. 


152 ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 

“Don’t talk nonsense,” said Alice more 
boldly : “ you know you’re growing too.” 

“Yes, but / grow at a reasonable pace,” 
said the Dormouse: “not in that ridiculous 
fashion.” And he got up very sulkily and 
crossed over to the other side of the court. 

All this time the Queen had never left off 
staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dor- 
mouse crossed the court, she said to one of 
the officers of the court, “Bringmethe list of 
the singers in the last concert ! ” on which the 
wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook 
both his shoes off. 

“Give your evidence,” the King repeated 
angrily, “or I’ll have you executed, whether 
you’re nervous or not.” 

“ I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” the Hat- 
ter began in a trembling voice, “and I hadn’t 
but just begun my tea — not above a week or 
so — and what with the bread-and-butter 
getting so thin — and the twinkling of the 
tea- ” 

“The twinkling of what?” said the King. 

“It began with the tea,” the Hatter re- 
plied. 

“Of course twinkling begins with a T!” 
said the King sharply. “ Do you take me 
for a dunce ? Go on ! ” 

“ I’m a poor man,” the Hatter went on, 
“ and most things twinkled after that — only 
the March Hare said ” 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? I53 

“ I didn’t ! ” the March Hare interrupted in 
a great hurry. 

“ You did ! ” said the Hatter 
“ I deny it ! ” said the March Hare. 

“ He denies it,” said the King : “ leave out 
that part.” 

“Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said-^-” 



the Hatter went on, looking anxiously 
round to see if he would deny it too : but 
the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast 
asleep. 

“ After that,” continued the Hatter, “ I cut 
some more bread-and-butter ” 


r 


i54 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


“ But what did the Dormouse say ? ” one 
of the jury asked. 

“ That I can’t remember,” said the Hatter. 

“ You must remember,” remarked the King, 
“ or I’ll have you executed.” 

The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup 
and bread-and-butter, and went down on 
one knee. “ I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” 
he began. 

“You’re a very poor speaker ,” said the 
King. 

Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and 
was immediately suppressed by the officers of 
the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I 
will just explain to you how it was done. 
They had a large canvass bag, which tied up 
at the mouth with strings : into this they 
slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then 
sat upon it.) 

“ I’m glad I’ve seen that done,” thought 
Alice. “ I’ve so often read in the newspapers, 
at the end of the trials, ‘ There was some 
attempt at applause, which was immedi- 
ately suppressed by the officers of the court,’ 
and I never understood what it meant till 
now.” 

“ If that’s all you know about it, you may 
stand down,” continued the King. 

“ I can’t go no lower,” said the Hatter : 
“ I’m on the floor, as it is.” 

“ Then you may sit down,” the King replied. 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 155 

Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and 
was suppressed. 

“ Come, that finishes the guinea-pigs ! ” 
thought Alice. “ Now we shall get on better.” 

“ I’d rather finish my tea,” said the Hatter, 
with an anxious look at the Queen, who was 
reading the list of singers. 

“You, may go,” said the King, and the 



Hatter hurriedly left the court, without 
even waiting to put his shoes on. 

“ and just take his head off outside,” 

the Queen added to one of the officers ; but 
the Hatter was out of sight before the officer 
could get to the door. 

“ Call the next witness ! ” said the King. 
The next witness was the Duchess' cook. 
She carried the pepper-box in her hand ; 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 




and Alice guessed who it was, even before 
she got into the court, by the way the 
people near the door began sneezing all at 
once. 

“ Give your evidence,” said the King. 

“ Shan’t,” said the cook. 

The King looked anxiously at the White 
Rabbit, who said in a low voice, “Your 
Majesty must cross-examine this witness.” 

“ Well, if I must, I must,” the King said with 
a melancholy air, and, after folding his arms 
and frowning at the cook till his eyes were 
nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, 
“ What are tarts made of? ” 

“ Pepper, mostly,” said the cook. 

“ Treacle,” said a sleepy voice behind her. 

“ Collar that Dormouse ! ” shrieked the 
Queen. “ Behead that Dormouse ! Turn that 
Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! 
Pinch him ! Off with his whiskers ! ” 

For some minutes the whole court was in 
confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, 
and, by the time they had settled down again, 
the cook had disappeared. 

“ Never mind ! ” said the King, with an air 
of great relief. “ Call the next witness.” And 
he added in an under-tone to the Queen, 
“ Really, my dear, you must cross-examine 
the next witness. It quite makes my fore- 
head ache ! ” 

Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fum- 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 


57 


bled over the list, feeling very curious to see 
what the next witness would be like, “ — for 
they haven't got much evidenc eyet,” she said 
to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the 
White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill 
little voice, the name “ Alice ! ” 


CHAPTER XII. 


ALICE S EVIDENCE. 

“ Here ! ” cried Alice, quite forgetting in 
the flurry of the moment how large she had 
grown in the last few minutes, and she 
jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped 
over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt, 
upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of 
the crowd below, and there they lay sprawl- 
ing about, reminding her very much of a 
globe of gold-fish she had accidentally upset 
the week before. 

“Oh, I beg your pardon! ” she exclaimed in 
a tone of great dismay, and began picking 
them up again as quickly as she could, for 
the accident of the gold-fish kept running in 
her head, and she had a vague sort of idea 
that they must be collected at once and put 
back into the jury-box, or they would die. 

“The trial cannot proceed,” said the King 
in a very grave voice, “ until all the jurymen 
are back in their proper places — all,” he re- 


ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 


I 59 


peated with great emphasis, looking hard at 
Alice as he said so. 

Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw 



that, in her haste, she had put the Lizard 
in head downwards, and the poor little 


160 ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 

thing was waving its tail about in a mel- 
ancholy way, being quite unable to move. 
She soon got it out again, and put it right ; 
“ not that it signifies much,” she said to 
herself ; “ I should think it would be quite as 
much use in the trial one way up as the 
other.” 

As soon as the jury had a little recovered 
from the shock of being upset, and their 
slates and pencils had been found and handed 
back to them, they set to work very dili- 
gently to write out a history of the accident, 
all except the Lizard, who seemed too much 
overcome to do anything but sit with its 
mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the 
court. 

“ What do you know about this business? ” 
the King said to Alice. 

“ Nothing,” said Alice. 

“Nothing whatever f ” persisted the King. 

“ Nothing whatever,” said Alice. 

“ That’s very important,” the King said, 
turning to the jury. They were just begin- 
ning to write this down on their slates, when 
the White Rabbit interrupted: “ ^important, 
your Majesty means, of course,” he said in a 
very respectful tone, but frowning and mak- 
ing faces at him as he spoke. 

“ ^important, of course, I meant,” the 
King hastily said, and went on to himself in 
an under- tone, “ important — unimportant — 


ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 


161 

unimportant — important ” as if he were 

trying which word sounded best. 

Some of the j ury wrote it down “ important,” 
and some “ unimportant.” Alice could see 
this, as she was near enough to look over 
their slates ; “ but it doesn’t matter a bit,” 
she thought to herself. 

At this moment the King, who had been 
for some time busily writing in his note-book, 
called out “ Silence ! ” and read out from his 
book, “ Rule Forty- two. All persons more than 
a mile high to leave the court P 

Everybody looked at Alice. 

“ I'm not a mile high,” said Alice. 

“ You are,” said the King. 

“Nearly two miles high,” added the 
Queen. 

“ Well, I shan’t go, at any rate,” said Alice ; 
“ besides, that’s not a regular rule : you in- 
vented it just now.” 

“ It’s the oldest rule in the book,” said the 
King. 

“Then it ought to be Number One,” said 
Alice. 

The King turned pale, and shut his note- 
book hastily. “ Consider your verdict,” he 
said to the jury, in a low trembling voice. 

“ There’s more evidence to come yet, please 
your Majesty,” said the White Rabbit, jump- 
ing up in a great hurry; “ this paper has just 
been picked up.” 

6 


i 62 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


“ Whats in it ? ” said the Queen. 

“ I haven’t opened it yet,” said the White 
Rabbit, “ but it seems to be a letter, written 
by the prisoner to — to somebody.” 

“ It must have been that,” said the King, 
“ unless it was written to nobody, which isn’t 
usual, you know.” 

“ Who is it directed to ? ” said one of the 
jurymen. 

“ It isn’t directed at all,” said the White 
Rabbit ; “ in fact, there’s nothing written on 
the outside .” He unfolded the paper as he 
spoke, and added, “ It isn’t a letter after all : 
it’s a set of verses.” 

‘‘Are they in the prisoner’s handwriting? ” 
asked another of the jurymen. 

“ No, they’re not,” said the White Rabbit, 
“ and that’s the queerest thing about it.” 
(The jury all looked puzzled.) 

“ He must have imitated somebody else’s 
hand,” said the King. (The jury all bright- 
ened up again.) 

“Please your Majesty,” said the Knave, “ I 
didn’t write it, and they can’t prove I did : 
there’s no name signed at the end.” 

“ If you didn’t sign it,” said the King, 
“ that only makes the matter worse. Y ou 
must have meant some mischief, or else 
you’d have signed your name like an hon- 
est man.” 

There was a general clapping of hands at 


ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 163 

this : it was the first really clever thing the 
King had said that day. 

“ That proves his guilt,” said the Queen. 

“ It proves nothing of the sort ! ” said Alice. 
“ Why, you don't even know what they’re 
about ! ” 

“ Read them,” said the King. 

The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 
“ Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?” 
he asked. 

“ Begin at the beginning,” the King said, 
gravely, “ and go on till you come to the end: 
then stop.” 

These were the verses the White Rabbit 
read : 

* ‘ They told me you had been to her , 

And mentioned me to him : 

She gave me a good character , 

But said I could not swim. 

He sent them word I had not gone 
( We know it to be true): 

If she should push the matter on , 

What would become of you ? 

I gave her one , they gave him two , 

You gave us three or more ; 

They all returned from him to you, 

Though they were mine before. 


164 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND . 


If I or she should chance to be 
Involved in this affair, 

He trusts to you to set them free, 

Exactly as we were. 

My notion was that you had been 
(Before she had this fit) 

A n obstacle that came between 
Him , and ourselves, and it. 

Don't let him know she liked them best, 

For this must ever be 
A secret, kept from all the rest, 

Between yourself and me." 

‘‘That’s the most important piece of evi- 
dence we’ve heard yet,” said the King, rub- 
bing his hands; “ so now let the jury ” 

“ If any one of them can explain it,” said 
Alice, (she had grown so large in the last 
few minutes that she wasn’t a bit afraid of 
interrupting him,) “ I’ll give him sixpence. 
I don’t belieye there’s an atom of meaning 
in it.” 

The jury all wrote down on their slates, 
“ She doesn’t believe there’s an atom of mean- 
ing in it,” but none of them attempted to 
explain the paper. 

“ If there’s no meaning in it,” said the 
King, “that saves a world of trouble, you 


ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 


i6 5 


know, as we needn’t try to find any. And yet 

I don’t know,” he 
went on, spreading 
out the verses on 
his knee, and look- 
ing at them with 
one eye; “ I seem 
to see some mean- 
ing in them, after 
all. ‘ — said I could 
not swim — ’ you 
can’t swim, can 
you ? ” he added, 
turning to the 
Knave. 

The Knave shook 
his head sadly. 
“ Do I look like it?” 




he said. (Which he certainly did not , being 
made entirely of cardboard.) 

“All right, so far,” said the King, and he 


1 66 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


went on muttering over the verses to him- 
self: “ £ We know it to be true — ’ that’s the jury, 
of course — 'I gave her one , they gave him two — ’ 
why, that must be what he did with the tarts, 
you know ” 

“ But it goes on ‘ they all returned from him to 
you ,’” said Alice. 

“Why, there they are!” said the King tri- 
umphantly, pointing to the tarts on the 
table. “Nothing can be clearer than that. 
Then again — ‘ before she had this fit — ’ you 
never had fits, my dear, I think?” he said to 
the Queen. 

“Never!” said the Queen furiously, throw- 
ing an inkstand at the Lizard as she spoke. 
(The unfortunate little Bill had left off writ- 
ing on his slate with one finger, as he found 
it made no mark; but he now hastily began 
again, using the ink, that was trickling 
down his face, as long as it lasted.) 

“Then the words don’t fit you,” said the 
King, looking around the court with a smile. 
There was a dead silence. 

“It’s a pun!” the King added in an angry 
tone, and everybody laughed. “ Let the 
jury consider their verdict,” the King said, 
for about the twentieth time that day. 

“No, no,” said the Queen. “Sentence first 
— verdict afterwards.” 

“Stuff and nonsense!” said Alice loudly. 
“The idea of having the sentence first!” 


ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 


167 



“ Hold your tongue!” said the Queen, turn- 
ing purple. 

“I won’t!” said Alice. 



i68 ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 

“ Off with her head ! ” the Queen shouted 
at the top of her voice. Nobody moved. 

“ Who cares for you ? ” said Alice, (she had 
grown to her full size by this time,) “You’re 
nothing but a pack of cards ! ” 

At this the whole pack rose up into the 
air, and came flying down upon her; she 
gave a little scream, half of fright and half 
of anger, and tried to beat them off, and 
found herself lying on the bank, with her 
head in the lap of her sister, who was gently 
brushing away some dead leaves that had 
fluttered down from the trees on to her face. 

“Wake up, Alice dear!” said her sister; 
“ why, what a long sleep you’ve had ! ” 

“ Oh, I’ve had such a curious dream! ” said 
Alice, and she told her sister, as well as she 
could remember them, all these strange Ad- 
ventures of hers that you have just been 
reading about ; and when she had finished, 
her sister kissed her, and said, “It was a 
curious dream, dear, certainly : but now run 
in to your tea ; it’s getting late.” So Alice 
got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, 
as well as she might, what a wonderful 
dream it had been. 


But her sister sat still just as she left her, 
leaning her head on her hand, watching the 


ALICE’S EVIDENCE, 


169 


setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and 
all her wonderful Adventures, till she too be- 
gan dreaming after a fashion, and this was 
her dream: 

First, she dreamed of little Alice herself: — 
once again the tiny hands were clasped upon 
her knee, and the bright eager eyes were 
looking up into hers — she could hear the 
very tones of her voice, and see that queer 
little toss of her head, to keep back the wan- 
dering hair that would always get into her 
eyes — and still as she listened, or seemed to 
listen, the whole place around her became 
alive with the strange creatures of her little 
sisters dream. 

The long grass rustled at her feet as the 
White Rabbit hurried by — the frightened 
Mouse splashed his way through the neigh- 
boring pool — she could hear the rattle of the 
teacups as the March Hare and his friends 
shared their never-ending meal, and the 
shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her 
unfortunate guests to execution — once more 
the pig-baby was sneezing on the Duchess’ 
knee, while plates and dishes crashed around 
it — once more the shriek of the Gryphon, 
the squeaking of the Lizard’s slate-pencil, 
and the choking of the suppressed guinea- 
pigs, filled the air, mixed up with the distant 
sobs of the miserable Mock Turtle. 

So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half 


ALICE IN WONDERLAND. 


170 


believed herself in Wonderland, though she 
knew she had but to open them again and 
all would change to dull reality — the grass 
would be only rustling in the wind, and the 
pool rippling to the waving of the reeds — 
the rattling teacups would change to tink- 
ling sheep-bells, and the Queen’s shrill cries 
to the voice of the shepherd boy — and the 
sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gry- 
phon, and all the other queer noises, would 
change (she knew) to the confused clamor 
of the busy farm -yard — while the lowing of 
the cattle in the distance would take the 
place of the Mock Turtle’s heavy sobs. 

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this 
same little sister of hers would, in the after- 
time, be herself a grown woman; and how 
she would keep, through all her riper years, 
the simple and loving heart of her child- 
hood: and how she would gather about her 
other little children, and make their eyes 
bright and eager with many a strange tale, 
perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland 
of long-ago: and how she would feel with all 
their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in 
all their simple joys, remembering her own 
child-life, and the happy summer days. 



.. 

. 


. 






VV ^NX\S- 




Mm 














THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS 


AND WHAT ALICE FOUND THERE 










INTRODUCTION. 


HILD of the pure unclouded brow 
And dreaming eyes of wonder ! 
Though time be fleet, and I and thou 
Are half a life asunder, 

Thy loving smile will surely hail 
The love-gift of a fairy-tale. 

I have not seen thy sunny face, 

Nor heard thy silver laughter; 

No thought of me shall find a place 
In thy young life’s hereafter — 

Enough that now thou wilt not fail 
To listen to my fairy-tale. 

A tale begun in other days, 

When summer suns were glowing — 

A simple chime, that served to time 
The rhythm of our rowing — 

Whose echoes live in memory yet. 

Though envious years would say “ forget.” 


176 


INTRODUCTION. 


Come, hearken then, ere voice of dread, 
With bitter tidings laden, 

Shall summon to unwelcome bed 
A melancholy maiden ! 

We are but older children, dear, 

Who fret to find our bedtime near. 

Without, the frost, the blinding snow, 
The storm-wind’s moody madness — 
Within, the firelight’s ruddy glow 
And childhood’s nest of gladness, 

The magic words shall hold thee fast : 
Thou shalt not heed the raving blast. 

And though the shadow of a sigh 
May tremble through the story. 

For “happy summer days ” gone by, 
And vanish’d summer glory — 

It shall not touch with breath of bale, 
The pleasance of our fairy-tale. 



CHAPTER I. 

LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 

One thing was certain, that the white kitten 
had had nothing to do with it : — it was the 
black kitten’s fault entirely. For the white 
kitten had been having its 'face washed by 
the old cat for the last quarter of an hour 
(and bearing it pretty well, considering); so 
you see that it couldn't have had any hand in 
the mischief. 

The way Dinah washed her childrens 
faces was this ; first she held the poor thing 
down by its ear with one paw, and then with 
the other paw she rubbed its face all over, the 
wrong way, beginning at the nose : and just 
now, as I said, she was hard at work on the 
white kitten, which was lying quite still and 
trying to purr — no doubt feeling that it was 
all meant for its good. 


178 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

But the black kitten had been finished with 
earlier in the afternoon, and so, while Alice 
was sitting curled up in a corner of the great 
arm-chair, half talking to herself and half 
asleep, the kitten had been having a grand 
game of romps with the ball of worsted Alice 
had been trying to wind up, and had been roll- 
ing it up and down till it had all come undon^ 
again, and there it was, spread over the 
hearth-rug, all knots and tangles, with the 
kitten running after its own tail in the 
middle. 

“Oh, you wicked, wicked little thing!” 
cried Alice, catching up the kitten and giv- 
ing it a little kiss to make it understand that 
it was in disgrace. “ Really, Dinah ought to 
have taught you better manners ! ” You ought , 
Dinah, you know you ought ! ” she added, 
looking reproachfully at the old cat, and 
speaking in as cross a voice as she could 
manage — and then she scrambled back 
into the arm-chair, taking the kitten and 
the worsted with her, and began winding up 
the ball again. But she didn’t get on very 
fast, as she was talking all the time, some- 
times to the kitten, and sometimes to herself. 
Kitty sat very demurely on her knee, pre- 
tending to watch the progress of the wind- 
ing, and now and then putting out one paw 
and gentty touching the ball, as if it would 
be glad to help if it might. 

“ Do you know what to-morrow is, Kitty ? ” 


LOOKING-GLA SS HO USE. i 7 9 

Alice began. “ Y ou’d have guessed if you’d 
been up in the window with me — only 
Dinah was making you tidy, so you couldn’t. 
I was watching the boys getting in sticks for 
the bonfire — and it wants plenty of sticks, 
Kitty ! Only it got so cold, and it snowed 
so, they had to leave off. Never mind, Kitty, 
we’ll go and see the bonfire to-morrow.” 
Here Alice wound two or three turns of the 
worsted round the kitten’s neck, just to see 
how it would look : this led to a scramble, in 
which the ball rolled down upon the floor, 
and yards and yards of it got unwound 
again. 

“ Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,” 
Alice went on, as soon as they were comfort- 
ably settled again, “ when I saw all the mis- 
chief you had been doing, I was very nearly 
opening the window and putting you out 
into the snow ! And you’d have deserved it, 
you little mischievous darling! What have 
you got to say for yourself? Now don’t inter- 
rupt me!” she went on, holding up one finger. 
“ I’m going to tell you all your faults. Num- 
ber one : you squeaked twice while Dinah 
was washing your face this morning. Now 
you can’t deny it, Kitty : I heard you! 
What’s that you say ? ” (pretending that the 
kitten was speaking.) “ Her paw went into 
your eye? Well, that’s your fault, for keep 
ing your eyes open— if you’d shut them tight 
up, iz wouldn’t have happened. Now don’t 


i8o 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


make any more excuses, but listen ! Num- 
ber two : you pulled snowdrop away by the 
tail just as I had put down the saucer of milk 
before her ! What, you were thirsty, were 
you ? How do you know she wasn’t thirsty 
too? Now for number three : you unwound 
every bit of the worsted while I wasn’t 
looking ! 

“ That’s three faults, Kitty, and you’ve not 
been punished for any of them yet. You 
know I’m saving up all your punishments 
for Wednesday week. Suppose they had 
saved up all my punishments ! ” she went on, 
talking more to herself than the kitten, 
“ What would they do at the end of a year ? 
I should be sent to prison, I suppose, when 
the day came. Or — let me see — suppose 
each punishment was to be going without a 
dinner : then, when the miserable day came, 
I should have to go without fifty dinners at 
once! Well, I shouldn’t mind that much! I’d 
far rather go without them than eat them ! 

“ Do you hear the snow against the win- 
dow-panes, Kitty? How nice and soft it 
sounds! Just as if some one was kissing the 
window all over outside. I wonder if the 
snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses 
them so gently ? And then it covers them 
up snug, you know, with a white quilt ; and 
perhaps it says, ‘ Go to sleep, darlings, till the 
summer comes again.’ And when they 
wake up in the summer, Kitty, they dress 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


themselves all in green, and dance about 
— whenever the wind blows — oh, that’s very 
pretty ! ” cried Alice, dropping the ball of 



worsted to clap her hands. “ And I do so 
wish it was true! I’m sure the woods look 
sleepy in the autumn, when the leaves are 
getting brown.” 


182 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


“ Kity, can you play chess? Now don’t 
smile, my dear, I’m asking* it seriously. Be- 
cause, when we were playing just now, you 
watched just as if you understood it : and 
when I said ‘Check!’ you purred! Well, it 
was a nice check, Kitty, and really, I might 
have won, if it hadn’t been for that nasty 
Knight, that came wriggling down among 

my pieces. Kitty, dear, let’s pretend ” 

And here I wish I could tell you half the 
things Alice used to say, beginning with her 
favorite phrase “ Let’s pretend.” She had had 
quite a long argument with her sister only 
the day before — all because Alice had begun 
with “ Let’s pretend we’re kings and queens 
and her sister, who liked being very exact, 
had argued that they couldn’t, because there 
were only two of them, and Alice had been 
reduced at last to say, “Well , you can be one 
of them then, and I'll be all the rest.” And 
once she had really frightened her old nurse 
by shouting suddenly in her ear, “ Nurse ! Do 
let’s pretend that I’m a hungry hyaena, and 
you’re a bone ! ” 

But this is taking us away from Alice’s 
speech to the kitten. “ Let’s pretend that 
you’re the Red Queen, Kitty ! Do you know 
I think if you sat up and folded your arms, 
you’d look exactly like her. Now do try, 
there’s a dear ! ” And Alice got the Red 
Queen off the table, and set it up before the 
kitten as a model for it to imitate : however, 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


183 


the thing didn’t succeed, principally, Alice 
said, because the kitten wouldn’t fold its 
arms properly. So, to punish it, she held it 



up to the Looking-glass that it might see 
how sulky it was — “ and if your not good 
directly,” she added, I’ll put you through 


1 84 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

into Looking-glass House. How would you 
like that f ” 

“ Now, if you’ll only attend, Kitty, and not 
talk so much, I’ll tell you all my ideas about 
Looking-glass House. First, there’s the room 
you can see through the glass — that’s just 
the same as our drawing-room, only the 
things go the other way. 1 can see all of it 
when L get upon a chair — all but the bit just 
behind the fire-place. Oh! I do so wish I 
could see :that^\iit[ I want so much to know 
whether they’ve a fire in the winter: you 
never can tell, you know, unless our fire 
smokes, and then 'smoke comes up in that 
room too — but thjat may be only pretence, 
just to make it look as if they had a fire. 
Well then, the books are something like our 
books, only the words go the wrong way; 
I know that, because I’ve held up one of our 
books to the glass, and then they hold up 
one in the other room. 

“ How would you like to live in Looking- 
glass House, Kitty ? I wonder if they’d give 
you milk in there ? Perhaps Looking -glass 
milk isn’t good to drink — But oh, Kitty ! now 
we come to the passage. You can just see a 
little peep of the passage in Looking-glass 
House, if you leave the door of our drawing- 
room wide open : and it’s very like our pas- 
sage as far as you can see, only you know it 
may be quite different on beyond. Oh, 
Kitty ! how nice it would be if we could only 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


185 

get through into Looking-glass House! I'm 
sure it's got, 0I1 ! such beautiful things in it ! 
Let’s pretend there’s a way of getting through 



into it, somehow, Kitty. Let’s pretend the 
glass has got all soft like gauze, so that we 
can get through. Why, it's turning into a 


1 86 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


sort of mist, now, I declare ! It’ll be easy 

enough to get through ” She was up 

on the chimney-piece while she said this, 
though she hardly knew how she had got 
there. And certainly the glass was begin- 
ning to melt away, just like a bright sil- 
very mist. 

In another moment Alice was through the 
glass, and had jumped lightly down into the 
Looking-glass room. The very first thing 
she did was to look whether there was a fire 
in the fireplace, and she was quite pleased to 
find that there was a real one, blazing away 
as brightly as the one she had left behind. 
“ So I shall be as warm here as I was in the 
old room,” thought Alice : “ warmer, in fact, 
because there’ll be no one here to scold me 
away from the fire. Oh, what fun it’ll be, 
when they see me through the glass in here, 
and can’t get at me ! ” 

Then she began looking about, and noticed 
that what could be seen from the old room 
was quite common and uninteresting, but 
that all the rest was as different as possible. 
For instance, the pictures on the wall next 
the fire seemed to be all alive, and the very 
clock on the chimney-piece (you know you 
can only see the back of it in the Looking- 
glass) had got the face of a little old man, 
and grinned at her. 

“ They don’t keep this room so tidy as the 
other,” Alice thought to herself as she 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


187 


noticed several of the chessmen down in 
the hearth among the cinders : but in an- 
other moment, with a little “ Oh ! ” of sur- 
prise, she was down on her hands and knees 
watching them. The chessmen were walk- 
ing about two and two ! 

“ Here are the Red King and the Red 



Queen,” Alice said (in a whisper, for fear of 
frightening them), “ and there are the White 
King and the White Queen sitting on the 
edge of the shovel — and here are two Castles 
walking arm in arm — I don’t think they can 
hear me,” she went on as she put her head 
closer down, “and I’m nearly sure they can’t 


i88 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


see me. I feel somehow as if I were invis- 
ible ” 

Here something began squeaking on the 
table behind Alice, and made her turn her 
head just in time to see one of the White 
Pawns roll over and begin kicking: she 
watched it with great curiosity to see what 
would happen next. 

“It is the voice of my child!” the White 
Queen cried out, as she rushed past the 
King, so violently that she knocked him 
over among the cinders. “ My precious Lily ! 
My imperial kitten ! ” and she began scramb- 
ling wildly up the side of the fender. 

“Imperial fiddlestick! ” said the King, rub- 
bing his nose, which had been hurt by the 
fall. He had a right to be a little annoyed 
with the Queen, for he was covered with 
ashes from head to foot. 

Alice was very anxious to be of use, and 
as the poor little Lily was nearly screaming 
herself into a fit, she hastily picked up the 
Queen and set her on the table by the side 
of her noisy little daughter. 

The Queen gasped, and sat down: the rapid 
journey through the air had quite taken away 
her breath, and for a minute or two she 
could do nothing but hug the little Lily in 
silence. As soon as she had recovered her 
breath a little, she called out to the White 
King, who was sitting sulkily among the 
ashes, “ Mind the volcano ! ” 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


189 


“ What volcano ? ” said the King, looking 
up anxiously into the fire, as if he thought 
that was the most likely place to find one. 

“ Blew — me — up,” panted the Queen, who 
was still a little out of breath. “ Mind you 



come up — the regular way — don’t get blown 
up ! ” 

Alice watched the White King as he slowly 
struggled up from bar to bar, till at last she 
said, “ Why, you’ll be hours and hours getting 
to the table, at that rate. I’d far better help 
you, hadn’t I ? ” But the King took no notice 


190 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS, 


of the question : it was quite clear that he 
could neither hear her nor see her. 

So Alice picked him up very gently, and 
lifted him across more slowly than she had 
lifted the Queen, that she mightn’t take his 
breath away : but, before she put him on the 
table, she thought she might as well dust him 
a little, he was so covered with ashes. 

She said afterwards that she had never 
seen in all her life such a face as the King 
made, when he found himself held in the air 
by an invisible hand, and being dusted : he 
was far too much astonished to cry out, but 
his eyes and his mouth went on getting larger 
and larger, and rounder and rounder, till her 
hand shook so with laughing that she nearly 
let him drop upon the floor. 

“ Oh ! please don’t make such faces, my dear ! ” 
she cried out, quite forgetting that the King 
couldn’t hear her. “ You make me laugh so 
that I can hardly hold you ! And don’t keep 
your mouth so wide open ! All the ashes will 
get into it — there, now I think you’re tidy 
enough ! ” she added, as she smoothed his 
hair, and set him upon the table near the 
Queen. 

The King immediately fell flat on his back 
and lay perfectly still: and Alice was a little 
alarmed at what she had done, and went 
round the room to see if she could find any 
water to throw over him. However, she 
could find nothing but a bottle of ink, and 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


191 

when she got back with it she found he had 
recovered, and he and the Queen were talk- 
ing together in a frightened whisper — so low, 
that Alice could hardly hear what they said. 

The King was saying, “ I assure you, my 
dear, I turned cold to the very ends of my 
whiskers ! ” 

To which the Queen replied : “ You haven’t 
got any whiskers.” 

“ The horror of 
that moment,” the 
King went on, “ I 
shall never, never 
forget ! ” 

“You will though,” 
the Queen said, “if 
you don’t make a 
memorandum of it.” 

Alice looked on 
with great interest 
as the King took 
an enormous mem- 
orandum-book out of his pocket, and began 
writing, a sudden thought struck her and 
she took hold of the end of the pencil, which 
came some way over his shoulder, and began 
writing for him. 

The poor Kinglooked puzzled and unhappy, 
and struggled with the pencil for some time 
without saying anything ; but Alice was too 
strong for him, and at last he panted out, 
“ My dear ! I really must get a thinner pencil. 



192 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


I can’t manage this one a bit ; it writes all 

manner of things that I don’t intend ” 

“ What manner of things ? ” said the Queen, 
looking over the book (in which Alice had 
put ‘ The White Knight is sliding down the 
poker. He balances very badly!) “ That’s not a 
memorandum of your feelings ! ” 

There was a book lying near Alice on the 
table, and while she sat watching the White 
King (for she was still a little anxious about 
him, and had the ink all ready to throw over 
him, in case he fainted again), she turned 
over the leaves to find some part that she 
could read, “ — for it’s all in some language I 
don’t know,” she said to herself. 

It was like this: 

it* iwd 

mow o&i $w\k 


She puzzled over this for some time, but 
at last a bright thought struck her. “ Why, 
it’s a Looking-glass book, of course ! And if 
I hold it up to a glass, the words will all go 
the right way again.” 

This was the poem that Alice read: 









194 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

JABBERWOCKY. 

* Twas brilligj and the slithy toves 

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe ; 

All mimsy zvere the borogoves , 

A nd the monie raths ontgrabe. 

‘ "Beware the Jabberwock, my $on ! 

The jaws that bite , the claws that catch ! 
Beziuare the J nbjub bird , and shun 
The frumious Bander snatch ! ” 

He took his vorpal sword in hand: 

Long time the manxome foe he sought — 

So res'ted he by the Tumtum tree , 

A nd stood awhile in thought. 

And as in uffish thought he stood, 

The Jabberwock , with eyes of flame , 

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood , 

A nd burbled as it came ! 

One , two ! One , two ! A nd through and through 
The vorpal blade zvent snicker-snack ! 

He left it dead , and with its head 
He went galumphing back. 

“And hast thou slain the fabberwock? 

Come to my arms , my beamish boy ! 

O frabjous day ! Callooh ! Callay ! ” 

He chortled in his joy. 

* Twas brillig , and the slithy toves 

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe ; 

All mimsy were the borogoves , 

And the mome raths outgrabe. 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


!95 


“ It seems very pretty,” she said when she 
had finished it, “ but it’s rather hard to under- 
stand ! ” (You see she didn’t like to confers 
even to herself, that she couldn’t make it out 
at all.) “ Somehow it seems to fill my hea'd 
with ideas — only I don’t exactly know what 
they are! However, somebody killed some- 
thing : that’s clear, at any rate — — ” 

“ But oh!” thought Alice, suddenly jump- 
ing up, “ if I don’t make haste I shall have to 
go back through the Looking-glass, before 
I’ve seen what the rest of the house is like! 
Let’s have a look at the garden first!” She 
was out of the room in a moment, and ran 
down stairs — or, at least, it wasn’t exactly 
running, but a new invention for getting 
down stairs quickly and easily, as Alice 
said to herself. She just kept the tips of her 
fingers on the hand-rail, and floated gently 
down without even touching the stairs with 
her feet ; then she floated oh through the 
hall, and would have gone straight out at 
the door in the same way, if she hadn’t 
caught hold of the door-post. She was get- 
ting a little giddy too with so much floating 
in the air, and was rather glad to find her- 
self walking again in the natural way. 


CHAPTER II. 


THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLOWERS. 

“ I should see the garden far better/’ said 
Alice to herself, “ if I could get to the top of 
that hill : and here's a path that leads straight 
to it — at least, no it doesn’t do that — ” (after 
going a few yards along the path, and turn- 
ing several sharp corners), “ but I suppose it 
will at last. But how curiously it twists! 
It’s more like a corkscrew than a path ! 
Well, this turn goes to the hill, I suppose — 
no, it doesn’t ! This goes straight back to 
the house! Well then, I’ll try it the other 
way.” 

And so she did : wandering up and down, 
and trying turn after turn, but always com- 
ing back to the house, do what she would. 
Indeed, once, when she turned a corner 
rather more quickly than usual, she ran 
against it before she could stop herself. 

“ It’s no use talking about it,” Alice said, 
looking up at the house and pretending it 


THE G A RDEN OF LIVE FLO WERS. i 9 7 

was arguing with her. “I’m not going in 
again yet. I know I should have to get 
through the Looking-glass again — back into 
the old room — and there’d be an end of 
all my adventures ! ” 

So, resolutely turning her back upon the 
house, she set out once more down the path, 
determined to keep straight on till she 
got to the hill. For a few minutes all went 
on well, and she was just saying, “ I really 

shall do it this time ” when the path 

gave a sudden twist and shook itself (as 
she described it afterwards), and the next 
moment she found herself actually walking 
in at the door. 

“Oh, it’s too bad!” she cried. “I never 
saw such a house for getting in the way ! 
Never! ” 

However, there was the hill full in sight, 
so there was nothing to be done but start 
again. This time she came upon a large 
flowerbed, with a border of daisies, and a 
willow-tree growing in the middle. 

“ O Tiger-lily,” said Alice, addressing her- 
self to one that was waving gracefully about 
in the wind, “ I wish you could talk ! ” 

“ We can talk,” said the Tiger-lily : “when 
there’s anybody worth talking to.” 

Alice was so astonished that she couldn’t 
speak for a minute : it quite seemed to take 
her breath away. At length, as the Tiger- 


198 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


lily only went on waving about, she spoke 
again, in a timid voice — almost in a whisper. 
“ And can all the flowers talk ? ” 

“As well as you can,” said the Tiger-lily, 
“ And a great deal louder.” 

“ It isn’t manners for us to begin, you 
know,” said the Rose, “ and I really was won- 
dering when you’d speak ! Said I to myself, 

‘ Her face has got some sense in it, though it’s 
not a clever one ! ’ Still, you’re the right 
color, and that goes a long way.” 

“ I don’t care about the color,” the Tiger- 
lily remarked. “If only her petals curled 
up a little more, she’d be all right.” 

Alice didn’t like being criticised, so she 
began asking questions. “ Aren’t you some- 
times frightened at being planted out here, 
with nobody to take care of you ? ” 

“ There’s the tree in the middle,” said the 
Rose : “ what else is it good for ? ” 

“ But what could it do, if any danger 
came ? ” Alice asked. 

“ It could bark,” said the Rose. 

“ It says ‘ Bough-wough ! ’ ” cried a Daisy, 
“that’s why its branches are called boughs!” 

“Didn’t you know that ?” cried another 
Daisy, and here they all began shouting to- 
gether, till the air seemed quite full of little 
shrill voices. “ Silence, every one of you ! ” 
cried the Tiger-lily, waving itself passion- 
ately from side to side, and trembling with 


THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLO WERS. 


*99 



excitement, 
them ! ” it 


“ They 
panted, 


know I can’t get at 
bending its quivering 
head towards Alice, 
“or they wouldn’t 
dare to do it ! ” 

“Never mind!” 
Alice said in a sooth- 
ing tone, and stoop- 


ing down to the daisies, who were just be- 
ginning again, she whispered, “ If you don’t 
hold your tongues, I’ll pick you ! ” 


200 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


There was silence in a moment, and several 
of the pink daisies turned white. 

“ That’s right ! ” said the Tiger-lily. “ The 
daisies are worst of all. When one speaks, 
they all begin together, and it’s enough to 
make one wither to hear the way they go 
on!” 

“ How is it you can all talk so nicely ? ” 
Alice said, hoping to get it into a better tem- 
per by a compliment. “ I’ve been in many 
gardens before, but none of the flowers could 
talk.” 

“ Put your hand down, and feel the ground,” 
said the Tiger-lily. “ Then you’ll know 
why.” 

Alice did so. “ Its very hard,” she said, 
“ but I don’t see what that has to do with it.” 

“ In most gardens,” the Tiger-lily said, 
“ they make the beds too soft — so that the 
flowers are always asleep.” 

This sounded a very good reason, and 
Alice was quite pleased to know it. “ I 
never thought of that before!” she said. 

“ It’s my opinion that you never think at 
all ,” the Rose said in a rather severe tone. 

“ I never saw anybody that looked stu- 
pider,” a Violet said, so suddenly, that Alice 
quite jumped ; for it hadn’t spoken before. 

“ Hold your tongue ! ” cried the Tiger- 
lily. “As if you ever saw anybody! You 
keep your head under the leaves, and snore 


THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLO WERS. 


201 


away there, till you know no more what’s 
going on in the world, than if you were a 
bud!” 

“ Are there any more people in the garden 
besides me ? ” Alice said, not choosing to 
notice the Rose’s last remark. 

“There’s one other flower in the garden 
that can move about like you,” said the Rose. 

“I wonder how you do it ” (“You’re 

always wondering,” said the Tiger-lily), 
“but she’s more bushy than you are.” 

“ Is she like me ? ” Alice asked eagerly, for 
the thought crossed her mind, “ There’s an- 
other little girl in the garden somewhere!” 

“ Well, she has the same awkward shape 
as you,” the Rose said, “ but she’s redder — 
and her petals are shorter, I think.” 

“ Her petals are done up close, almost like 
a dahlia,” the Tiger- lily interrupted : “ not 
tumbled about anyhow, like yours.” 

“ But that’s not your fault,” the Rose added 
kindly : “ you’re beginning to fade, you know 
— and then one can’t help one’s petals get- 
ting a little untidy.” 

Alice didn’t like this idea at all : so, to 
change the subject, she asked, “ Does she 
ever come out here ? ” 

“ I daresay you’ll see her soon,” said the 
Rose. “ She’s one of the thorny kind.” 

“ Where does she wear the thorns? ” Alice 
asked with some curiosity. 


202 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


“Why, all round her head, of course,” 
the Rose replied. “ I was wondering you 
hadn’t got some too. I thought it was the 
regular rule.” 



“She’s coming!” cried the Larkspur. “I 
hear her footstep, thump, thump, along the 
gravel- walk ! ” 

Alice looked round eagerly, and found that 
it was the Red Queen. “ She’s grown a 


THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLO PEERS. 


203 


good deal ! ” was her first remark. She had 
indeed : when Alice first found her in the 
ashes, she had been only three inches high 
— and here she was, half a head taller than 
Alice herself. 

“ It’s the fresh air that does it,” said 
the Rose : “ wonderfully fine air it is out 
here.” 

“ I think I’ll go and meet her,” said Alice, 
for, though the flowers were interesting 
enough, she felt that it would be far grander 
to have a talk with a real Queen. 

“You can’t possibly do that,” said the 
Rose : “/ should advise you to walk the 

other way.” 

This sounded nonsense to Alice, so she 
said nothing, but set off at once towards the 
Red Queen. To her surprise, she lost sight 
of her in a moment, and found herself walk- 
ing in at the front- door again. 

A little provoked, she drew back and after 
looking everywhere for the Queen (whom 
she spied out at last a long way off), she 
thought she would try the plan, this time, of 
walking in the opposite direction. 

It succeeded beautifully. She had not 
been walking a minute before she found her- 
self face to face with the Red Queen, and 
full in sight of the hill she had been so long 
aiming at. 

“ Where do you come from ? ” said the 


204 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


Red Queen. “ And where are you going . 
Look up, speak nicely, and don’t twiddle 
your fingers all the time.” 

Alice attended to all these directions, and 
explained, as well as she could, that she had 
lost her way. 

“ I don’t know what you mean by your 
way,” said the Queen : “ all the ways about 
here belong to me — but why did you come 
out here at all ? ” she added in a kinder 
tone. “ Curtsey while you’re thinking what 
to say. It saves time.” 

Alice wondered a little at this, but she was 
too much in awe of the Queen to disbelieve 
it. “ I’ll try it when I go home,” she thought 
to herself, “ the next time I’m a little late for 
dinner.” 

“ It’s time for you to answer now,” the 
Queen said, looking at her watch : “ open 
your mouth a little wider when you speak, 
and always say, ‘ your Majesty.’ ” 

“ I only wanted to see what the garden 
was like, your Majesty ” 

“ That’s right,” said the Queen, patting her 
on the head, which Alice didn’t like at all ; 
“ though, when you say ‘ garden,’ — I've seen 
gardens, compared with which this would be 
a wilderness.” 

Alice didn’t dare to argue the point, but 
went on: “ — and I thought I’d try and find 
my way to the top of that hill ” 


THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLO WERS. 


205 


“ When you say ‘ hill,’ ” the Queen inter- 
rupted, “/ could show you hills, in compari- 
son with which you’d call that a valley.” 

“ No, I shouldn’t,” said Alice, surprised into 
contradicting her at last: “a hill cant be a 
valley, you know. That would be non- 
sense ” 

The Red Queen shook her head. “ You 



may call it ‘ nonsense ’ if you like,” she said, 
“ but fve heard nonsense, compared with 
which that would be as sensible as a diction- 
ary ! ” 

Alice curtseyed again, as she was afraid 
from the Queen’s tone that she was a little 
offended and they walked on in silence till 
they got to the top of the hill. 

For some minutes Alice stood without 


206 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


speaking, looking out in all directions over 
the country — and a most curious country it 
was. There were a number of tiny little 
brooks running straight across it from side 
to side, and the ground between was divided 
up into squares by a number of little green 
hedges, that reached from brook to brook. 

“ I declare it’s marked out just like a large 
chess-board ! ” Alice said at last. “ There 
ought to be some men moving about some- 
where — and so there are ! ” she added in a 
tone of delight, and her heart began to beat 
quick with excitement as she went on. “ It’s 
a great huge game of chess that’s being 
played — all over the world — if this is the 
world at all, you know. Oh, what fun it is ! 
How I wish I was one of them! I wouldn’t 
mind being a Pawn, if only I might join — 
though of course I should like to be a Queen, 
best.” 

She glanced rather shyly at the real Queen 
as she said this, but her companion only 
smiled pleasantly, and said, “ That’s easily 
managed. You can be the White Queen’s 
Pawn, if you like, as Lily’s too young to 
play ; and you’re in the Second Square to 
begin with : when you get to the Eighth 
Square you’ll be a Queen — — ” Just at this 
moment, somehow or other, they began to 
run. 

Alice never could quite make out, in think- 


THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLO IVERS. 207 

ing it over afterwards, how it was that they 
began : all she remembers is, that they were 
running hand in hand, and the Queen went 
so fast that it was all she could do to keep 
up with her : and still the Queen kept crying 
“Faster! Faster!” but Alice felt she could 
not go faster, though she had no breath left 
to say so. 

The most curious part of the thing was, 



that the trees and other things round them 
never changed their places at all : however 
fast they went, they never seemed to pass 
anything. “ I wonder if all the things move 
along with us ? ” thought poor puzzled Alice. 

And the Queen seemed to guess her 
thoughts, for she cried, “ Faster ! Don’t try 
to talk ! ” 


208 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


Not that Alice had any idea of doing that . 
She felt as if she would never be able to talk 
again, she was getting so much out of 
breath : and still the Queen cried “ Faster ! 
Faster ! ” and dragged her along. “ Are we 
nearly there ? ” Alice managed to pant out 
at last. 

'‘Nearly there?” the Queen repeated. 
“ Why, we passed it ten minutes ago ! Fas- 
ter!” And they ran on for a time in silence, 
with the wind whistling in Alice’s ears, 
and almost blowing her hair off her head, 
she fancied. 

“Now! Now!” cried the Queen. “Faster! 
Faster ! ” And they went so fast that at last 
they seemed to skim through the air, hardly 
touching the ground with their feet, till 
suddenly, just as Alice was getting quite 
exhausted, they stopped, and she found her- 
self sitting on the ground, breathless and 
giddy. 

The Queen propped her up against a tree, 
and said kindly, “ You may rest a little now.” 

Alice looked round her in great surprise. 
“Why, I do believe we’ve been under this 
tree the whole time ! Everything’s just as it 
was! ” 

“Of course it is,” said the Queen: “what 
would you have it ? ” 

“Well, in our country,” said Alice, still 
panting a little, “you’d generally get to 


THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLO WERS. 209 

somewhere else — if you ran very fast for a 
long time, as we’ve been doing.” 

“ A slow sort of country ! ” said the Queen. 
“Now, here you see, it takes all the running 
you can do, to keep in the same place. If 
you want to get somewhere else, you must 
run at least twice as fast as that ! ” 

“I’d rather not try, please!” said Alice. 
“ I’m quite content to stay here — only I am 
so hot and thirsty ! ” 

“ I know what youd like ! ” the Queen said 
good-naturedly, taking a little box out of her 
pocket. “ Have a biscuit ? ” 

Alice thought it would not be civil to say 
“ No,” though it wasn’t at all what she 
wanted. So she took it, and ate it as well as 
she could : and it was very dry : and she 
thought she had never been so nearly choked 
in all her life. 

“ While you’re refreshing yourself,” said 
the Queen, “ I’ll just take the measurements.” 
And she took a ribbon out of her pocket, 
marked in inches, and began measuring the 
ground, and sticking little pegs in here and 
there. 

“ At the end of two yards,” she said put- 
ting in a peg to mark the distance, “ I shall 
give you your directions — have another 
biscuit ? ” 

“No, thank you,” said Alice: “one’s quite 
enough ! ” 


210 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


“Thirst quenched, I hope ? ” said the Queen. 

Alice did not know what to say to this, 
but luckily the Queen did not wait for an 
answer, but went on. “ At the end of three 
yards I shall repeat them — for fear of your 
forgetting them. At the end of four , I shall 
say good-bye. And at the end of five , I shall 
go ! ” 

She had got all the pegs put in by this 
time,, and Alice looked on with great interest 
as she returned to the tree, and then began 
slowly walking down the row. 

At the two-yard peg she faced round, and 
said, “A pawn goes two squares in its first 
move, you know. So you’ll go very quickly 
through the Third Square — by railway, I 
should think — and you’ll find yourself in the 
Fourth Square in no time. Well, that square 
belongs to Tweedledum and Tweedledee — 
the Fifth is mostly water — the Sixth belongs 
to Humpty Dumpty. But you make no re- 
mark ? ” 

“I — I didn’t know I had to make one — -just 
then,” Alice faltered out. 

“ You should have said,” the Queen went on 
in a tone of grave reproof, “ ‘ It’s extremely 
kind of you to tell me all this’ — however, 
we’ll suppose it said — the Seventh Square is 
all forest — however, one of the Knights will 
show you the way — and in the Eighth Square 
we shall be Queens together, and it’s all 


THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLO WERS. 


21 I 


feasting and fun ! ” Alice got up and curt- 
seyed, and sat down again. 

At the next peg the Queen turned again, 
and this time she said, “ Speak in French 
when you can’t think of the English for a 
thing — turn out your toes when you walk — 
and remember who you are ! ” She did not 
wait for Alice to curtsey this time, but 
walked on quickly to the next peg, where 
she turned for a moment to say “ good- 
bye,” and then hurried on to the last. 

How it happened, Alice never knew, but 
exactly as she came to the last peg, she was 
gone. Whether she vanished into the air, or 
whether she ran quickly into the wood 
(“ and she can run very fast ! ” thought Alice), 
there was no way of guessing, but she was 
gone, and Alice began to remember that she 
was a Pawn, and that it would soon be time 
for her to move. 


CHAPTER III. 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 

Of course the first thing to do was to 
make a grand survey of the country she was 
going to travel through. “ It’s something 
very like learning geography,” thought 
Alice, as she stood on tiptoe in hopes of be- 
ing able to see a little further. “ Principal 
rivers — there are none. Principal moun- 
tains — I’m on the only one, but I don’t think 
its got any name. Principal towns — why, 
what are those creatures, making honey 
down there? They can’t be bees — nobody 

ever saw bees a mile off, you know ” 

and for some time she stood silent, watch- 
ing one of them that was bustling about 
among the flowers, poking its proboscis into 
them, “just as if it was a regular bee,” 
thought Alice. 

However, this was anything but a regular 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


213 


bee : in fact, it was an elephant — as Alice 
soon found out, though the idea quite took 
her breath away at first. “ And what enor- 
mous flowers they must be ! ” was her next 
idea. “ Something like cottages with the 
roofs taken off, and stalks put to them — 
and what quantities of honey they must 
make! I think I’ll go down and — no, I 
won’t go just yet,” she went on, checking 
herself just as she was beginning to run 
down the hill, and trying to find some ex- 
cuse for turning shy so suddenty. “ It’ll 
never do to go down among them with- 
out a good long branch to brush them 
away — and what fun it’ll be when they 
ask me how I liked my walk. I shall 
say — ‘Oh, I liked it well enough — ’(here 
came the favorite little toss of the head), 
‘ only it was so dusty and hot, and the 
elephants did tease so ! ’ ” 

“ I think I’ll go down the other way,” 
she said after a pause : “ and perhaps I 
may visit the elephants later on. Besides, 
I do so want to get into the Third Square! ” 
So with this excuse she ran down the hill 
and jumped over the first of the six little 
brooks. 

***** 

* * * * 

***** 


2 1 4 THRO UGH THE LOOKING-GLA SS. 

“ Tickets, please ! ” said the Guard, putting 
his head in at the window. In a moment 
everybody was holding out a ticket : they 
were about the same size as the people, and 
quite seemed to fill the carriage. 

“ Now then ! Show your ticket, child ! ” 
the Guard went on, looking angrily at Alice. 
And a great many voices all said together 
(“ like the chorus of a song,” thought Alice), 
“ Don’t keep him waiting, child ! Why, 
his time is worth a thousand pounds a 
minute!” 

“ I’m afraid I haven’t got one,” Alice said 
in a frightened tone : “ there wasn’t a ticket- 
office where I came from.” And again the 
chorus of voices went on : “ There wasn’t 
room for one where she came from. The 
land there is worth a thousand pounds an 
inch ! ” 

“ Don’t make excuses,” said the Guard : 
“ you should have bought one from the 
engine-driver.” And once more the chorus 
of voices went on with “ The man that drives 
the engine. Why, the smoke alone is worth 
a thousand pounds a puff! ” 

Alice thought to herself, “ Then there’s no 
use in speaking.” The voices didn’t join in 
this time, as she hadn’t spoken, but, to her 
great surprise, they all thought in chorus (I 
hope you understand what thinking in chorus 
means — for I must confess that / don’t), 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


215 


“ Better say nothing at all. Language is 
worth a thousand pounds a word!” 

“ I shall dream about a thousand pounds 
to-night, I know I shall! ’ thought Alice. 

All this time the Guard was looking at 
her, first through a telescope, . then through 



a microscope, and then through an opera- 
glass. At last he said, “ You’re traveling the 
wrong way,” and shut up the window and 
went away. 

“ So young a child,” said the gentleman 
sitting opposite to her, (he was dressed in 
white paper,) “ ought to know which way 


2l6 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


she’s going, even if she doesn’t know her 
own name ! ” 

A Goat, that was sitting next to the gen- 
tleman in white, shut his eyes and said in a 
loud voice, “ She ought to know her way to 
the ticket- office, even if she doesn’t know her 
alphabet ! ” 

There was a Beetle sitting next the Goat 
(it was a very queer carriage-full of passen- 
gers altogether), and, as the rule seemed to 
be that they should all speak in turn, he went 
on with “ She’ll have to go back from here 
as luggage ! ” 

Alice couldn’t see who was sitting beyond 
the Beetle, but a hoarse voice spoke next. 

“Change engines ” it said, and there it 

choked and was obliged to leave off. 

“ It sounds like a horse,” Alice thought 
to herself. And an extremely small voice, 

close to her ear, said, “You might make a joke on that— 
something about ‘ horse ’ and ‘ hoarse,’ you know.” 

Then a very gentle voice in the distance 
said, “ She must be labelled ‘ Lass, with care,’ 
you know.” 

And after that other voices went on 
(“ What a number of people there are in the 
carriage ! ” thought Alice), saying “ She must 
go by post, as she’s got a head on her.” 
“ She must be sent as a message by the tele- 
graph.” “She must draw the train herself 
the rest of the way,” and so on. 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


217 


But the gentleman dressed in white paper 
leaned forwards and whispered in her ear, 
“Never mind what they all say, my dear, 
but take a return-ticket every time the train 
stops.” 

“ Indeed I shan’t ! ” Alice said rather impa- 
tiently. “I don’t belong to this railway jour- 
ney at all — I was in a wood just now — and I 
wish I could get back there ! ” 

“You might make a joke on that,” Said the little Voice 
close to her ear ; “ something about ‘ you would if you could,’ 
you know.” 

“ Don’t tease so,” said Alice, looking about 
in vain to see where the voice came from : 
“ if you’re so anxious to have a joke made, 
why don’t you make one yourself? ” 

The little voice sighed deeply : it was very 
unhappy, evidently, and Alice would have 
said something pitying to comfort it, “ if it 
would only sigh like other people ! ” she 
thought. But this was such a wonderfully 
small sigh, that she wouldn’t have heard it 
at all, if it hadn’t come quite close to her ear. 
The consequence of this was that it tickled 
her ear very much, and quite took off her 
thoughts from the unhappiness of the poor 
little creature. 

“ I know you are a friend,” the little voice went on ; 
“a dear friend, and an old friend. And you won’t hurt me, though I am an 
insect.” 

“ What kind of insect ? ” Alice inquired a 


2l8 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


little anxiously. What she really wanted to 
know was, whether it could sting or not, but 
she thought this wouldn’t be quite a civil 
question to ask. 

“What, then you don’t ’ the little voice began, 

when it was drowned by a shrill scream 
from the engine, and everybody jumped up 
in alarm, Alice among the rest. 

The Horse, who had put his head out of 
the window, quietly drew it in and said, “ It’s 
only a brook we have to jump over.” Every- 
body seemed satisfied with this, though Alice 
felt a little nervous at the idea of trains 
jumping at all. “ However, it’ll take us into 
the Fourth Square, that’s some comfort!” she 
said to herself. In another moment she felt 
the carriage rise straight up into the air, 
and in her fright she caught at the thing 
nearest to her hand, which happened to be 
the Goat’s beard. 

❖ ❖ * sfc * 

* * * # 

* * * * * 

But the beard seemed to melt away as 
she touched it, and she found herself sit- 
ting quietly under some tree — while the 
Gnat (for that was the insect she had been 
talking to) was balancing itself on a twig 
just over her head, and fanning her with its 
wings. 


LOOKING-GLA SS INSECTS. 2 1 9 

It certainly was a very large Gnat : “ about 
the size of a chicken,” Alice thought. Still, 
she couldn’t feel nervous with it, after they 
had been talking together so long. 

“ then you don’t like all insects? ” the 

Gnat went on, as quietly as if nothing had 
happened. 

“ I like them when they can talk,” Alice 



said. “ None of them ever talk, where / come 
from.” 

“ What sort of insects do you rejoice in, 
where you come from ? ” the Gnat inquired. 

“ I don’t rejoice in insects at all,” Alice 
explained, “ because I’m rather afraid of 
them — at least the large kinds. But I can 
tell you the names of some of them.” 

‘ 7 * 


220 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


“ Of course they answer to their names ? ” 
the Gnat remarked carelessly. 

“ I never knew them do it." 

“ What’s the use of their having names," 
the Gnat said, “ if they won’t answer to 
them ? ” 

“No use to them',' said Alice ; “ but it’s use- 
ful to the people that name them, I suppose. 
If not, why do things have names at all ? " 

“ I can’t say," the Gnat replied. “ Further 
on, in the wood down there, they’ve got no 
names — however, go on with your list of 
insects ; you’re wasting time." 

“ Well, there’s the Horse-fly," Alice began, 
counting off the names on her fingers. 

“ All right,” said the Gnat : “ half way up 
that bush, you’ll see a Rocking-horse-fly, if 
you look. It’s made entirely of wood, and 
gets about by swinging itself from branch 
to branch." 

“ What does it live on ? " Alice asked, with 
great curiosity. 

“ Sap and sawdust," said the Gnat. “ Go 
on with the list." 

Alice looked at the Rocking-horse-fly with 
great interest, and made up her mind that 
it must have been just repainted, it looked 
so bright and sticky ; and then she went on. 

“ And there’s the Dragon-fly." 

“ Look on the branch above your head," 
said the Gnat, “ and there you’ll find a Snap- 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


221 


dragon-fly. Its body is made of plum-pud- 
ding, its wings of holly-leaves, and its head 
is a raisin burning in brandy.” 

“ And what does it live on ? ” Alice asked, 
as before. 

“ Frumenty and mince-pie,” the Gnat re- 



plied ; “and it makes its nest in a Christmas- 
box.” 

“ And then there’s the Butterfly,” Alice 
went on, after she had taken a good look at 
the insect with its head on fire, and had 
thought to herself, “ I wonder if that’s the 
reason insects are so fond of flying into 
candles — because they want to turn into 
Snap-dragon-flies ! ” 

“ Crawling at your feet,” said the Gnat 
(Alice drew her feet back in some alarm), 


222 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


“ you may observe a Bread-and-butter-fly. 
Its wings are thin slices of bread-and-butter, 
its body is a crust, and its head is a lump of 
sugar.” 

“ And what does it live on ? ” 

“ Weak tea with cream in it.” 

A new difficulty came into Alice’s head. 
“ Supposing it couldn’t find any ? ” she sug- 
gested. 

“ Then it would die, of course.” 

“ But that must happen very often,” Alice 
remarked thoughtfully. 

“ It always happens,” said the Gnat. 

After this, Alice was silent for a minute or 
two, pondering. The Gnat amused itself 
meanwhile by humming round and round 
her head: at last it settled again and re- 
marked, “I suppose you don’t want to lose 
your name ? ” 

“ No, indeed,” Alice said, a little anxiously. 

“ And yet I don’t know,” the Gnat went 
on in a careless tone : “ only think how 
convenient it would be if you could manage 
to go home without it! For instance, if 
the governess wanted to call you to your 

lessons, she would call out ‘Come here ,’ 

and there she would have to leave off, be- 
cause there wouldn’t be any name for her 
to call, and of course you wouldn’t have to 
go, you know.” 

“That would never do, I’m sure,” said 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


223 


Alice: “the governess would never think of 
excusing me lessons for that. If she couldn’t 
remember my name, she’d call me ‘ Miss ! ’ as 
the servants do.” 

“ Well, if she said ‘ Miss,’ and didn’t say 
anything more,” the Gnat remarked, “ of 
course you’d miss your lessons. That’s a 
joke. I wish you had made it.” 

“ Why do you wish / had made it ? ” Alice 
asked. “ It’s a very bad one.” 

But the Gnat only sighed deeply, while 
two large tears came rolling down its cheeks. 

“ You shouldn’t make jokes,” Alice said, 
“ if it makes you so unhappy.” 

Then came another of those melancholy 
little sighs, and this time the poor Gnat 
really seemed to have sighed itself away, for, 
when Alice looked up, there was nothing 
whatever to be seen on the twig, and, as she 
was getting quite chilly with sitting still so 
long, she got up and walked on. 

She very soon came to an open field, with a 
wood on the other side of it: it looked much 
darker than the last wood, and Alice felt a 
little timid about going into it. However, on 
second thoughts, she made up her mind to 
go on: “for I certainly won’t go back” she 
thought to herself, and this was the only 
way to the Eighth Square. 

“ This must be the wood,” she said thought- 
fully to herself, “ where things have no 


224 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


names. I wonder what’ll become of my name 
when I go in ? I shouldn’t like to lose it at 
all — because they’d have to give me another 
and it would be almost certain to be an ugly 
one. But then the fun would be, trying to 
find the creature that had got my old name! 
That’s just like the advertisements, you 
know, when people lose dogs — ‘ answers to the 
name of “ Dash : ” had on a brass collar ’ — just 
fancy calling everything you met ‘Alice,’ till 
one of them answered ! Only they wouldn’t 
answer at all, if they were wise.” 

She was rambling on in this way when 
she reached the wood : it looked very cool 
and shady. “ Well, at any rate it’s a great 
comfort,” she said as she stepped under the 
trees, “ after being so hot, to get into the — 
into the — into what?” she went on, rather 
surprised at not being able to think of the 
word. “ I mean to get under the — under the 
— under this , you know ! ” putting her hand 
on the trunk of the tree. “ What does it call 
itself, I wonder? I do believe it’s got no 
name — why, to be sure it hasn’t ! ” 

She stood silent for a minute, thinking : 
then she suddenly began again. “ Then it 
really has happened, after all ! And now, 
who am I ? I will remember, if I can ! I’m 
determined to do it ! ” But being deter- 
mined didn’t help her much, and all she 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


225 


could say, after a great deal of puzzling, was, 
“ L, I know it begins with L ! ” 

Just then a Fawn came wandering by : it 
looked at Alice with its large gentle eyes, 
but didn’t seem at all frightened. “Here 



then ! Here then ! ” Alice said as she held 
out her hand and tried to stroke it ; but it 
only started back a little, and then stood 
looking at her again. 

“What do you call yourself?” the Fawn 
said at last. Such a soft sweet voice it had ! 



226 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


“I wish I knew!” thought poor Alice. She 
answered, rather sadly, “ Nothing, just now.” 

“Think again,” it said: “ that won’t do.” 

Alice thought, but nothing came of it. 
“ Please, would you tell me what you call 
yourself?” she said timidly. “I think that 
might help a little.” 

“I’ll tell you, if you’ll come a little further 
on,” the Fawn said. “ I can’t remember 
here.” 

So they walked on together through the 
wood, Alice with her arms clasped lovingly 
round the soft neck of the Fawn, till they 
came out into another open field, and here 
the Fawn gave a sudden bound into the air, 
and shook itself free from Alice’s arms. “ I’m 
a Fawn ! ” it cried out in a voice of delight, 
“ and, dear me ! you’re a human child ! ” A 
sudden look of alarm came into its beautiful 
brown eyes, and in another moment it had 
darted away at full speed. 

Alice stood looking after it, almost ready 
to cry with vexation at having lost her dear 
little fellow-traveller so suddenly. “ How- 
ever, I know my name now,” she said, “that’s 
some comfort. Alice — Alice — I won’t forget it 
again. And now, which of these finger-posts 
ought I to follow, I wonder ? ” 

It was not a very difficult question to an- 
swer, as there was only one road through 
the wood, and the two finger-posts both 


LOOKING-GLA SS INSECTS. 2 2 7 

pointed along it. “ I’ll settle it,” Alice said to 
herself, “ when the road divides and they 
point different ways.” 

But this did not seem likely to happen. 
She went on and on, a long way, but where- 
ever the road divided there were sure to be 
two finger-posts pointing the same way, one 
marked ‘TO TWEEDLEDUM’S HOUSE,’ 
and the other ‘TO THE HOUSE OF 
TWEEDLEDEE.’ 

“ 1 do believe,” said Alice at last, “ that 
they live in the same house ! I wonder I 
never though of that before — But I can’t 
stay there long. I’ll just call and say ‘ How 
d’ye do ? ’ and ask them the way out of the 
wood. If I could only get to the Eighth 
Square before it gets dark ! ” So she wan- 
dered on, talking to herself as she went, till, 
on turning a sharp corner, she came upon 
two fat little men, so suddenly that she could 
not help starting back, but in another 
moment she recovered herself, feeling sure 
that they must be 


* 


* 


* * * 


* 


* 


* 


* 


* 


* 


* 


* 


CHAPTER IV. 


TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE. 

They were standing under a tree, each 
with an arm round the others neck, and 
Alice knew which was which in a moment, 
because one of them had ‘ DUM ’ embroidered 
on his collar, and the other ‘ DEE.’ “ I sup- 
pose they’ve each got ‘ TWEED LE ’ round 
at the back of the collar,” she said to herself. 

They stood so still that she quite forgot they 
were alive, and she was just looking round 
to see if the word ‘ TWEEDLE ’ was written 
at the back of each collar, when she was 
startled by a voice coming from the one 
marked ‘ DUM.’ 

“ If you think we’re wax- works,” he said, 
“you ought to pay, you know. Wax- works 
weren’t made to be looked at for nothing. 
Nohow ! ” 

“ Contrariwise,” added the one marked 


T WEED LED UM AND T WEEDLEDEE. 


229 


‘ DEE,’ “ if you think were alive, you ought 
to speak.” 

“ I’m sure I’m very sorry,” was all Alice 
could say ; for the words of the old song 
kept ringing through her head like the tick- 



ing of a clock, and she could hardly help 
saying them out loud: 

“ Tweedledum and Tweedledee 
Agreed to have a battle ; 

For Tweedledum said Tweedledee 
Had spoiled his nice new rattle. 


23 ° 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS . 


Just then jlew down a monstrous crow , 

As black as a tar barrel ; 

Which frightened both the heroes so , 

They quite forgot their quarrel." 

“ I know what you’re thinking about,” said 
Tweedledum: “but it isn’t so, nohow.” 

“ Contrariwise,” continued Tweedledee, if 
it was so, it might be ; and if it were so, it 
would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s 
logic.” 

“ I was thinking,” Alice said very politely, 
“which is the best way out of this wood: 
it's getting so dark. Would you tell me 
please?” 

But the fat little men only looked at each 
other and grinned. 

They looked so exactly like a couple of 
great school boys, that Alice couldn’t help 
pointing her finger at Tweedledum, and say- 
ing “ First Boy ! ” 

“ Nohow!” Tweedledum cried out briskly, 
and shut his mouth up again with a snap. 

“ Next Boy ! ” said Alice, passing on to 
Tweedledee, though she felt quite certain he 
would only shout out, “ Contrariwise ! ” and 
so he did. 

“You’ve begun wrong!” cried Tweedle- 
dum. “ The first thing in a visit is to say 
‘ How d’ye do ? ’ and shake hands !” And 
here the two brothers gave each other a hug, 


TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE. 231 


and then they held out the two hands that 
were free, to shake hands with her. 

Alice did not like shaking hands with 
either of them first, for fear of hurting the 
-other one’s feelings ; so, as the best way out 
of the difficulty, she took hold of both hands 
at once: the next moment they were danc- 
ing round in a ring. This seemed quite na- 
tural (she remembered afterwards), and she 
was not even surprised to hear music play- 
ing: it seemed to come from the tree under 
which they were dancing, and it was done 
(as well as she could make it out) by the 
branches rubbing one across the other, like 
fiddles and fiddle- sticks. 

“ But it certainly was funny,” (Alice said 
afterwards, when she^was telling her sister 
the history of all this,) find myself sing- 
ing ‘ Here we go round the mulberry bush! I 
don’t know when I began it, but somehow I 
felt as if I’d been singing it a long long 
time ! ” 

The other two dancers were fat, and very 
soon out of breath. “ Four times round is 
enough for one dance,” Tweedledum panted 
out, and they left off dancing as suddenly as 
they had begun: the music stopped at the 
same moment. 

Then they let go of Alice’s hands, and 
stood looking at her for a minute : there was 
a rather awkward pause, as Alice didn’t 


232 THRO UGH THE LOOKING-GLA SS. 

know how to begin a conversation with peo- 
ple she had just been dancing with. “ It 
would never do to say ‘ How dye do ? ’ now,” 
she said to herself: “ we seem to have got be- 
yond that, somehow ! ” 

“ I hope you’re not much tired ? ” she said 
at last. 

“ Nohow. And thank you very much for 
asking,” said Tweedledum. 

“So much obliged!” added Tweedledee. 
“ You like poetry ? ” 

“Ye-es pretty well — some poetry,” Alice 
said doubtfully. “ Would you tell me which 
road leads out of the wood ? ” 

“ What shall I repeat to her ? ” said Tweedle- 
dee, looking round at Tweedledum with 
great solemn eyes, and not noticing Alice’s 
question. 

“f The Walrus and the Carpenter' is the long- 
est,” Tweedledum replied, giving his brother 
an affectionate hug. 

Tweedledee began instantly : 

“ The sun was shining — ” 

Here Alice ventured to interrupt him. “ If 
it’s very long,” she said, as politely as she 
could, “ would you please tell me first which 
road — ” 

Tweedledee smiled gently, and began 
again : 


TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


“ The sun was shining on the sea. 
Shining with all his might : 

He did his very best to make 

The billows smooth and bright — 

And this was odd \ because it was 
The middle of the night. 

The moon was shining sulkily , 
Because she thought the sun 

Had got no business to be there 
A fter the day was done — 

‘ It's very rude of him , ’ she said 
‘ To come and spoil the fun ! * 

The sea was wet as wet could be, 
The sands were dry as dry. 

You could not see a cloud \ because 
No cloud was in the sky : 

No birds were flying overhead — 
There were no birds to fly. 

The Walrus and the Carpenter 
Were walking close at hand ; 

They wept like anything to see 
Such quantities of sand: 

* If this were only cleared away, ’ 
They said, 1 it would be graiid ! * 


234 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


* If seven maids with seven mops 

Swept it for half a year , 

Do you suppose , * the Walrus said ', 
1 That they could get it clear ? * 

* I doubt it,' said the Carpenter, 

A nd shed a bitter tear. 



< O Oysters, come and walk with us / * 
The Walrus did beseech. 

‘ A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk , 
Along the briny beach: 

We cannot do with more than four , 

To give a hand to each. 


T WEED LED CM A ND TWEEDLEDEE. 235 


The eldest Oyster looked at him , 
But never a word he said : 

The eldest Oyster winked his eye, 
A nd shook his heavy head — 
Meaning to say he did not choose 
To leave the oyster-bed. 



But four young Oysters hurried up, 

All eager for the treat : 

Their coats were brushed, their faces washed, 
Their shoes were clean and neat — 

And this was odd, because, you know, 

They hadn't any feet. 

8 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


Four other Oysters followed them , 

A nd yet another four ; 

And thick and fast they came at last , 
And more, and more, and more — 

All hopping through the frothy waves , 

A nd scrambling to the shore. 

The Walrus and the Carpenter 
Walked on a mile or so, 

A nd then they rested on a rock 
Conveniently lozv : 

A nd all the little Oysters stood 
A nd waited in a row. 

‘ The time has come,' the Walrus said, 

1 To talk of many things : 

Of shoes — and ships — and sealing wax — 
Of cabbages — and kings — 

And why the sea is boiling hot — 

And whether pigs have wings.' 

‘ But wait a bit,' the Oysters cried, 

‘ Before we have our chat ; 

For some of us are out of breath , 

A nd all of us are fat ! ' 

* No hurry ! ' said the Carpenter. 

They thanked him much for that. 


T WEED LED UM A ND T WEEDLEDEE. 237 


1 A loaf of bread,' the Walrus said, 
4 Is what we chiefly need : 

Pepper and vinegar besides 
Are very good indeed — 

Now if you're ready, Oysters dear , 
We can begin to feed. ' 



‘ But not on us ! ' the Oysters cried, 
Turning a little blue. 

* A fter such kindness, that would be 
A dismal thing to do ! ' 

4 The night is fine,' the Walrus said. 
Do you admire the view ? ' 


238 THRO UGH THE LOOKING-GLA SS. 

4 It was so kind of you to come ! 

A nd you are very nice ! ' 

The Carpenter said nothing but 
4 Cut us another slice : 

I wish you were not quite so deaf — 
I've had to ask you twice ! ' 

4 It seems a shame , * the Walrus said, 
4 To play them such a tricky 
A fter we've brought them out so far , 
A nd made them trot so quick ! ' 
The Carpenter said nothing but 
4 The butter's spread too thick ! * 

4 1 weep for you,' the Walrus said: 

4 1 deeply sympathize. ' 

With sobs and tears he sorted out 
Those of the largest size , 

Holding his pocket-handkerchief 
Before his streaming eyes. 

4 O Oysters,' said the Carpenter, 

4 You've had a pleasant run ! 
Shall we be trotting home again ? * 
But answer came there none — 
And this was scarcely odd, because 
They'd eaten every one. " 


TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE. 239 


“ I like the Walrus best,” said Alice : 
“ because you see he was a little sorry for 
the poor oysters.” 

“ He ate more than the Carpenter, though,” 
said Tweedledee. “You see he held his 
handkerchief in front, so that the Carpenter 
couldn’t count how many he took : contra- 
riwise.” 

“ That was mean ! ” Alice said indignantly. 
“ Then I like the Carpenter best — if he didn’t 
eat so many as the Walrus.” 

“ But he ate as many as he could get,” said 
Tweedledum. 

This was a puzzler. After a pause, Alice 
began, “Well! They were both very un- 
pleasant characters — ” Here she checked 
herself in some alarm, at hearing something 
that sounded to her like the puffing of a 
large steam-engine in the wood near them, 
though she feared it was more likely to be a 
_wild beast. “ Are there any lions or tigers 
about here ? ” she asked timidly. 

“ It’s only the Red King snoring,” said 
Tweedledee. 

“ Come and look at him ! ” the brothers 
cried, and they each took one of Alice’s 
hands* and led her up to where the King 
was sleeping. 

“ Isn’t he a lovely sight ? ” said Tweedledum. 

Alice couldn’t say honestly that he was. 
He had a tall red night-cap on, with a tassel, 


240 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


and he was lying crumpled up into a sort of 
untidy heap, and snoring loud — “ fit to snore 
his head off! ” as Tweedledum remarked. 

“ I’m afraid he’ll catch cold with lying on 
the damp grass,” said Alice, who was a very 
thoughtful little girl. 

“ He’s dreaming now,” said Tweedledee : 
“ and what do you think he’s dreaming 
about ? ” 

Alice said “ Nobody can guess that.” 

“ Why, about you ! ” Tweedledee ex- 
claimed, clapping his hands triumphantly. 
“And if he left off dreaming about you, 
where do you suppose you’d be ? ” 

“ Where I am now, of course,” said Alice. 

“ Not you ! ” Tweedledee retorted contempt- 
uously. “You’d be nowhere. Why, you’re 
only a sort of thing in his dream ! ” 

“ If that there King was to wake,” added 
Tweedledum, “you’d go out — bang! — just 
like a candle ! ” 

“ I shouldn’t ! ” Alice exclaimed indig- 
nantly. “ Besides, if I'm only a sort of thing 
in his dream, what are you , I should like to 
know ? ” 

“ Ditto,” said Tweedledum. 

“ Ditto, ditto ! ” cried Tweedledee. 

He shouted this so loud that Alice couldn't 
help saying, “Hush! You’ll be waking 
him, I’m afraid, if you make so much noise.” 

“ Well, it’s no use your talking about wak- 


TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEED LED EE. 241 

in g him,” said Tweedledum, “when you’re 
only one of the things in his dream. You 
know very well you’re not real.” 

“ I am real ! ” said Alice, and began to cry. 
“ You won’t make yourself a bit realler by 
crying,” Tweedledee remarked : “ there’s 

nothing to cry about.” 

“ If I wasn’t real,” Alice said — half- laugh- 



ing through her tears, it all seemed so ridic- 
ulous — “ I shouldn’t be able to cry.” 

“ I hope you don’t suppose those are real 
tears?” Tweedledum interrupted in a tone 
of great contempt. 

“ I know they’re talking nonsense,” Alice 
thought to herself : “ and it’s foolish to cry 
about it.” So she brushed away her tears, 
and went on as cheerfully as she could, “ At 


242 THOUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

any rate I’d better be getting out of the 
wood, for really it’s coming on very dark. 
Do you think it’s going to rain ? ” 

Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over 
himself and his brother, and looked up into 
it. “No, I don’t think it is,” he said : “ at 
least — not under here . Nohow.” 

“ But it may rain outside f ” 

“ It may — if it chooses,” said Tweedledee : 
“ we’ve no objection. Contrariwise.” 

“ Selfish things ! ” thought Alice, and she 
was just going to say “Good- night” and 
leave them, when Tweedledum sprang out 
from under the umbrella, and seized her by 
the wrist. 

“Do you see that?" he said, in a voice 
choking with passion, and his eyes grew 
large and yellow all in a moment, as he 
pointed with a trembling finger at a small 
white thing lying under the tree. 

“ It’s only a rattle,” Alice said, after a careful 
examination of the little white thing. “ Not 
a vaXAle- snake, you know,” she added hastily, 
thinking that he was frightened : “ only an 
old rattle — quite old and broken.” 

“ I knew it was ! ” cried Tweedledum, be- 
ginning to stamp about wildly and tear his 
hair. “ It’s spoilt, of course ! ” Here he 
looked at Tweedledee, who immediately sat 
down on the ground and tried to hide him- 
self under the umbrella. 


T WEED LED UM A ND T WEEDLEDEE. 243 


Alice laid her hand upon his arm, and said 
in a soothing* tone, “ Y ou needn’t be so angry 
about an old rattle.” 

“ But it isn’t old ! ” Tweedledum cried, in a 
greater fury than ever. “It’s new, I tell you 
— I bought it yesterday — my nice new RAT- 
TLE ! ” and his voice rose to a perfect scream. 



All this time Tweedledee was trying his 
best to fold up the umbrella, with himself in 
it : which was such an extraordinary thing 
t_o do, that it quite took off Alice’s attention 
from the angry brother. But he couldn’t 
quite succeed, and it ended in his rolling 
over, bundled up in the umbrella, with only 
his head out : and there he lay, opening and 


244 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


shutting his mouth and his large eyes — 
“ looking more like a fish than anything 
else,” Alice thought. 

“ Of course you agree to have a battle ? ” 
Tweedledum said in a calmer tone. 

“ I suppose so,” the other sulkily replied, as 
he crawled out of the umbrella : “ only she 
must help us to dress up, you know.” 

So the two brothers went off' hand-in-hand 
into the wood, and returned in a minute 
with their arms full of things — such as 
bolster, blankets, hearth-rugs, table-cloths, 
dish-covers, and coal-scuttles. “ I hope 
you’re a good hand at pinning and tying 
strings ? ” Tweedledum remarked. “ Every 
one of these things has got to go on, some- 
how or other.” 

Alice said afterwards she had never seen 
such a fuss made about anything in all her 
life — the way those two bustled about — and 
the quantity of things they put on — and the 
trouble they gave her in tying strings and 
fastening buttons — “ Really they’ll be more 
like bundles of old clothes than anything 
else, by the time they’re ready ! ” she said to 
herself, as she arranged a bolster round the 
neck of Tweedledee, “to keep his head from 
being cut off,” as he said. 

“You know,” he added very gravely, “ it’s 
one of the most serious things that can pos- 


TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE. 245 


sibly happen to one in a battle — to get ones 
head cut off.” 

Alice laughed loud : but she managed to 
turn it into a cough, for fear of hurting his 
feelings. 

“ Do I look very pale ? ” said Tweedledum, 



coming up to have his helmet tied on. (He 
called it a helmet, though it certainly looked 
much more like a saucepan.) 

“ Well — yes — a little Alice replied gently. 

“ I’m very brave generally,” he went on in 
a low voice : “ only to-day I happen to have 
a headache.” 


246 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

“ And Tve got a toothache ! ” said Tweedle- 
dee, who had overheard the remark. “ I’m 
far worse than you ! ” 

“ Then you’d better not fight to-day,” said 
Alice, thinking it a good opportunity to 
make peace. 

“We must have a bit of a fight, but I don’t 
care about going on long,” said Tweedledum. 
“ What’s the time now ? ” 

Tweedledee looked at his watch, and said 
“ Half-past four.” 

“ Let’s fight till six, and then have dinner, 
said Tweedledum. 

“ Very well,” the other said, rather sadly : 
“ and she can watch us— only you’d better 
not come very close,” he added : “ I generally 
hit everything I can see — when I get really 
excited.” 

“ And / hit everything within reach,” cried 
Tweedledum, “ whether I can see it or 
not ! ” 

Alice laughed. “You must hit the trees 
pretty often, I should think,” she said. 

Tweedledum looked round him with a 
satisfied smile. “ I don’t suppose,” he said, 
“ there’ll be a tree left standing, for ever so 
far round, by the time we’ve finished !” 

“ And all about a rattle ! ” said Alice, still 
hoping to make them a little ashamed of 
fighting for such a trifle. 

“ I shouldn’t have minded it so much,” 


TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE. 247 

said Tweedledum, “ if it hadn’t been a new 
one.” 

“ I wish the monstrous crow would come! ” 
thought Alice. 

“ There’s only one sword, you know,” 
Tweedledum .said to his brother: “but you 
can have the umbrella — it’s quite as sharp. 
Only we must begin quick. It’s getting as 
dark as it can.” 

“ And darker,” said Tweedledee. 

It was getting dark so suddenly that Alice 
thought there must be a thunderstorm com- 
ing on. “ What a thick black cloud that is!” 
she said. “And how fast it comes! Why, I 
do believe it’s got wings ! ” 

“ It’s the crow ! ” Tweedledum cried out in 
a shrill voice of alarm : and the two brothers 
took to their heels and were out of sight in 
a moment. 

Alice ran a little way into the wood, and 
stopped under a large tree. “ It can never 
get at me here” she thought : “ its far too 
large to squeeze itself in among the trees. 
But I wish it wouldn’t Hap its wings so — 
it makes quite a hurricane in the wood 
— here’s somebody’s shawl being blown 
away!” 


CHAPTER V. 


WOOL AND WATER. 

She caught the shawl as she spoke, and 
looked about for the owner : in another 
moment the White Queen came running 
wildly through the wood, with both arms 
stretched out wide, as if she were flying, and 
Alice very civilly went to meet her with the 
shawl. 

“I’m very glad I happened to be in the 
way,” Alice said, as she helped her to put on 
her shawl again. 

The White Queen only looked at her in a 
helpless frightened sort of way, and kept 
repeating something in a whisper to herself 
that sounded like “ Bread-and-butter, bread- 
and-butter,” and Alice felt that if there was 
to be any conversation at all, she must 
manage it herself. So she began rather 
timidly : “ Am I addressing the White 

Queen ? ” 

“Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing,” 


WOOL AND WA TER. 


249 


the Queen said. “ It isn’t my notion of the 
thing, at all.” 

Alice thought it would never do to have 
an argument at the very beginning of their 
conversation, so she smiled and said, “If 



your Majesty will only tell me the right 
way to begin, I’ll do it as well as I can.” 

“But I don’t want it done at all!” groaned 
the poor Queen. “ I’ve been a-dressing my- 
self for the last two hours.” 

It would have been all the better, as it 
seemed to Alice, if she had got some one 


25 ° 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


else to dress her, she was so dreadfully un- 
tidy. “ Every single thing’s crooked,” Alice 
thought to herself, “ and she’s all over pin’s ! 
— May I put your shawl straight for you?” 
she added aloud. 

“ I don’t know what’s the matter with it ! ” 
the Queen said in a melancholy voice. “ It’s 
out of temper, I think. I’ve pinned it here, 
and I’ve pinned it there, but there’s no pleas- 
ing it ! ” 

“ It cant go straight, you know, if you pin 
it all on one side,” Alice said, as she gently 
put it right for her, “and, dear me, what a 
state your hair is in ! ” 

“The brush has got entangled in it! ” the 
Queen said with a sigh. “And I lost the 
comb yesterday.” 

Alice carefully released the brush, and did 
her best to get the hair into order. “ Come, 
you look rather better now!” she said, after 
altering most of the pins. “ But really you 
should have a lady’s-maid ! ” 

“I’m sure I’ll take you with pleasure!” 
the Queen said. “Twopence a week, and 
jam every other day.” 

Alice couldn’t help laughing, as she said, 
“ I don’t want you to hire me — and I don’t 
care for jam.” 

“Its very good jam,” said the Queen. 

“ Well, I don’t want any to-day , at any 
rate.” 


WOOL AND WATER . 


25 1 


“ You couldn’t have it if you did want it,” 
the Queen said. “The rule is, jam to-mor- 
row and jam yestesday — but never jam to- 
day.” 

“ It must come sometimes to ‘jam to-day,’ ” 
Alice objected. 

“ No it can’t,” said the Queen. “ It’s jam 
every other day : to-day isn’t any other day, 
you know.” 

“ I don’t understand you,” said Alice. “ It’s 
dreadfully confusing ! ” 

“That’s the effect of living backwards,” 
the Queen said kindly : “ it always makes 
one a little giddy first — ” 

“ Living backwards ! ” Alice repeated in 
great astonishment. “ I never heard of such 
a thing ! ” 

“ — but there’s one great advantage in it, 
that one’s memory works both ways.” 

“ I’m sure mine only works oneway,” Alice 
remarked. “ I can’t remember things before 
they happen.” 

“ It’s a poor sort of memory that only 
works backwards,” the Queen remarked. 

“ What sort of things do you remember 
best ? ” Alice ventured to ask. 

“ Oh, things that happen the week after 
next,” the Queen replied in a careless tone. 
“ For instance, now,” she went on, sticking a 
large piece of plaster on her finger as she 
spoke, “ there’s the King’s Messenger. He’s 


252 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

in prison now, being punished : and the 
trial doesn’t even begin till next Wednesday : 
and of course the crime comes last of all.” 

“ Suppose he never commits the crime?” 
said Alice. 

“ That would be all the better, wouldn’t 
it ? ” the Queen said, as she bound the 
plas ter round her finger with a bit of rib- 
bon. 

Alice felt there was no denying that. “ Of 
course it would be all the better,” she said : 
“ but it wouldn’t be all the better his being 
punished.” 

“ You’re wrong there , at any rate,” said the 
Queen : “ were you ever punished ? ” 

“ Only for faults,” said Alice. 

“ And you were all the better for it, I 
know ! ” the Queen said triumphantly. 

“ Yes, but then I had done the things I was 
punished for,” said Alice : “ that makes all 
the difference.” 

“ But if you hadrit done them,” the Queen 
said, “ that would have been better still ; bet- 
ter, and better, and better ! ” Her voice went 
higher with each “ better,” till it got quite to 
a squeak at last. 

Alice was just beginning to say ‘‘There’s a 
mistake somewhere — ,” when the Queen be- 
gan screaming, so loud that she had to leave 
the sentence unfinished. “Oh, oh, oh!” 
shouted the Queen, shaking her hand about 


WOOL AND WA TER. 


2 53 


as if she wanted to shake it off. “ My fin- 
ger’s bleeding! Oh, oh, oh, oh!” 

Her screams were so exactly like the 
whistle of a steam-engine, that Alice had to 
hold both her hands over her ears.- 

“ What is the matter ? ” she said, as soon as 



there was a chance of making herself heard. 
“ Have you pricked your finger ? ” 

“ I haven’t pricked it yet,' 1 the Queen said, 
“but I soon shall — oh, oh, oh ! ” 

“ When do you expect to do it ? ” Alice 
asked, feeling very much inclined to laugh. 


254 THRO UGH THE LOOKING-GLA SS, 

“ When I fasten my shawl again,” the 
poor Queen groaned out: “the brooch will 
come undone directly. Oh, oh ! ” As she 
said the words the brooch flew open, and the 
Queen clutched wildly at it, and tried to 
clasp it again. 

“Take care !” cried Alice. “You’re hold- 
ing it all crooked ! ” And she caught at the 
brooch ; but it was to late: the pin had 
slipped, and the Queen had pricked her 
finger. 

“That accounts for the bleeding, you see,” 
she said to Alice with a smile. “Now you 
understand the way things happen here.” 

“ But why don’t you scream now ? ” Alice 
asked, holding her hands ready to put over 
her ears again. 

“ Why, I’ve done all the screaming already,” 
said the Queen. “ What would be the good 
of having it all over again ? ” 

By this time it was getting light. “The 
crow must have flown away, I think,” said 
Alice: “I’m so glad it’s gone. I thought it 
was the night coming on.” 

“ I wish / could manage to be glad ! ” the 
Queen said. “Only I never can remember 
the rule. Y ou must be very happy, living in 
this wood, and being glad whenever you 
like ! ” 

“ Only it is so very lonely here ! ” Alice said 
in a melancholy voice; and at the thought 


WOOL AND WATER. 


2 55 


of her loneliness two large tears came rolling 
down her cheeks. 

“ Oh, don’t go on like that ! ” cried the poor 
Queen, wringing her hands in despair. 
“ Consider what a great girl you are. Con- 
sider what a long way you’ve come to-day. 
Consider what o’clock it is. Consider any- 
thing, only don’t cry ! ” 

Alice could not help laughing at this, even 
in the midst of her tears. “ Can you keep 
from crying by considering things ? ” she 
asked. 

“ That’s the way it’s done,” the Queen 
said with great decision : “ nobody can do 
two things at once, you know. Let’s con- 
sider your age to begin with — how old are 
you ? ” 

“ I’m seven and a half exactly.” 

“You needn’t say ‘ exactually,’ ” the Queen 
remarked : “ I can believe it without that. 
Now I’ll give you something to believe. I’m 
just one hundred and one, five months and a 

day.” 

“ I can’t believe that ! ” said Alice. 

“ Can’t you ? ” the Queen said in a pitying 
tone. “ Try again : draw a long breath, and 
shut your eyes.” 

Alice laughed. “There’s no use trying,” 
she said : “ one cant believe impossible 
things.” 

“ I daresay you haven’t had much prac- 


256 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


tice,” said the Queen. “ When I was your 
age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. 
Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as 
six impossible things before breakfast. 
There goes the shawl again ! ” 

The brooch had come undone as she spoke, 
and a sudden gust of wind blew the Queen’s 
shawl across a little brook. The Queen 
spread out her arms again, and went flying 
after it, and this time she succeeded in 
catching it for herself. “ Ive got it ! ” she 
cried in a triumphant tone. “ Now you shall 
see me pin it on again, all by myself ! ” 

“Then I hope your finger is better now ? ” 
Alice said very politely, as she crossed the 
little brook after the Queen. 

$ $ $ $ * 

* * * * 

***** 


“Oh, much better!” cried the Queen, her 
voice rising into a squeak as she went on. 
“Much be-etter! Be-etter! Be-e-e-etter ! 
Be-e-ehh!” The last word ended in a long 
bleat, so like a sheep that Alice quite 
started. 

She looked at the Queen, who seemed to 


WOOL AND WA TER. 


257 


have suddenly wrapped herself up in wool. 
Alice rubbed her eyes, and looked again. 
She couldn’t make out what had happened 
at all. Was she in a shop ? And was that 



really — was it really a sheep that was sitting 
on the other side of the counter? Rub as 
she would, she could make nothing more of 
it : she was in a little dark shop, leaning with 


2 5 8 THRO UGH THE LOOKING-GLA SS. 

her elbows on the counter, and opposite to 
her was an old Sheep, sitting in an arm- 
chair knitting, and every now and then leav- 
ing off to look at her through a great pair 
of spectacles. 

“ What is it you want to buy ? ” the Sheep 
said at last, looking up for a moment from 
her knitting. 

“I don’t quite know yet,” Alice said very 
gently. “ I should like to look all round 
me first, if I might.” 

“ You may look in front of you, and on 
both sides, if you like,” said the Sheep ; “ but 
you can’t look all round you — unless you’ve 
got eyes at the back of your head.” 

But these, as it happened, Alice had not 
got : so she contented herself with turning 
round, looking at the shelves as she came to 
them. 

The shop seemed to be full of all manner 
of curious things — but the oddest part of 
it all was, that whenever she looked hard 
at any shelf, to make out exactly what it 
had on it, that particular shelf was 
always quite empty : though the others 
round it were crowded as full as they could 
hold. 

“ Things flow about so here ! ” she said at 
last in a plaintive tone, after she had spent a 
minute or so in vainly pursuing a large 
bright thing, that looked sometimes like a 


WOOL AND WATER. 


259 


doll and sometimes like a work-box, and 
was always in the shelf next above the one 
she was looking at. “ And this one is the 
most provoking of all — but I’ll tell you 
what — ” she added, as a sudden thought 
struck her, “ I’ll follow it up to the very top 
shelf of all. It’ll puzzle it to go through the 
ceiling, I expect ! ” 

But even this plan failed : the ‘ thing ’ 
went through the ceiling as quietly as 
possible, as if it were quite used to it. 

“ Are you a child or a teetotum ? ” the 
Sheep said, as she took up another pair of 
needles. “ You’ll make me giddy soon, if 
you go on turning round like that.” She 
was now working with fourteen pairs at 
once, and Alice couldn’t help looking at her 
in great astonishment. 

“ How can she knit with so many ? ” the 
puzzled child thought to herself. “ She gets 
more and more like a porcupine every 
minute ! ” 

“ Can you row ? ” the Sheep asked, handing 
her a pair of knitting-needles as she spoke. 

“Yes, a little — but not on land — and not 

with needles ” Alice was beginning to 

say, when suddenly the needles turned into 
oars in her hands, and she found they were 
in a little boat, gliding along between banks : 
so there was nothing for it but to do her 
best. 


260 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


“Feather! cried the Sheep, as she took up 
another pair of needles. 

This didn’t sound like a remark that 
needed any answer, so Alice said nothing, 
but pulled away. There was something very 
queer about the water, she thought, as every 
now and then the oars got fast in it, and 
would hardly come out again. 

“Feather! Feather!” the Sheep cried 
again, taking more needles. “You’ll be 
catching a crab directly.” 

“A dear little crab!” thought Alice. “I 
should like that.” 

“Didn’t you hear me say ‘Feather’?” the 
Sheep cried angrily, taking up quite a bunch 
of needles. 

“ Indeed I did,” said Alice: “ you’ve said it 
very often — and very loud. Please, where 
are the crabs ? ” 

“ In the water, of course ! ” said the Sheep, 
sticking some of the needles into her hair, as 
her hands were full. “ Feather, I say ! ” 

“ Why do you say ‘ Feather ’ so often ? ” 
Alice asked at last, rather vexed. “ I’m not 
a bird ! ” 

“ You are,” said the Sheep : “ you’re a little 
goose.” 

This offended Alice a little, so there was 
no more conversation for a minute or two, 
while the boat glided gently on, sometimes 
among beds of weeds (which made the oars 


WOOL AND WATER . 


261 


stick fast in the water, worse than ever), and 
sometimes under trees, but always with the 



same tall river-banks frowning" over theii 
heads 

“ Oh, please ! There are some scented 


262 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


rushes!” Alice cried in a sudden transport 
of delight. “ There really are — and such 
beauties ! ” 

“ You needn’t say ‘ please’ to me about ’em,” 
the Sheep said, without looking up from her 
knitting : “ I didn’t put ’em there, and I’m 
not going to take ’em away.” 

“No, but I meant — please, may we wait 
and pick some?” Alice pleaded. “If you 
don’t mind stopping the boat for a minute.” 

“ How am / to stop it ? ” said the Sheep. 
“ If you leave oft' rowing, it’ll stop of itself.” 

So the boat was left to drift down the 
stream as it would, till it glided gently in 
among the waving rushes. And then the 
little sleeves were carefully rolled up, and 
the little arms were plunged in elbow- deep, 
to get hold of the rushes a good long way 
down before breaking them off' — and for a 
while Alice forgot all about the Sheep and 
the knitting, as she bent over the side of the 
boat, with just the ends of her tangled hair 
dipping into the water — while with bright 
eager eyes she caught at one bunch after 
another of the darling scented rushes. 

“ I only hope the boat won’t tipple over! ” 
she said to herself. “Oh, what a lovely one! 
Only I couldn’t quite reach it.” And it cer- 
tainly did seem a little provoking (“almost 
as if it happened on purpose,” she thought) 
that, though she managed to pick plenty of 


WOOL AND WATER. 


2 63 


beautiful rushes as the boat glided by, there 
was always a more lovely one that she 
couldn’t reach. 

“The prettiest are always further!” she 
said at last, with a sigh at the obstinacy of 
the rushes in growing so far off, as with 
flushed cheeks and dripping hair and hands, 
she scrambled back into her place, and 
began to arrange her new-found treasures. 

What mattered it to her just then that the 
rushes had begun to fade, and to lose all their 
scent and beauty, from the very moment 
that she picked them ? Even real scented 
rushes, you know, last only a very little 
while — and these, being dream-rushes, 
melted away almost like snow, as they lay 
in heaps at her feet — but Alice hardly noticed 
this, there were so many other curious 
things to think about. 

They hadn’t gone much farther before the 
blade of one of the oars got fast in the water 
and wouldnt come out again (so Alice ex- 
plained it afterwards), and the consequence 
was that the handle of it caught her under 
the chin, and, in spite of a series of shrieks 
of ‘ Oh, oh, oh ! ’ from poor Alice, it swept her 
straight off the seat, and down among the 
heap of rushes. 

However, she wasn’t a bit hurt, and was 
soon up again : the Sheep went on with her 
knitting all the while, just as if nothing had 


264 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

happened. “That was a nice crab you 
caught ! ” she remarked, as Alice got back 
into her place, very much relieved to find 
herself still in the boat. 

“ Was it ? I didn’t see it,” said Alice, peep- 
ing cautiously over the side of the boat into 
the dark water. “ I wish it hadn’t let go — I 
should so like a little crab to take home 
with me!” But the sheep only laughed 
scornfully, and went on with her knitting. 

“ Are there many crabs here ? ” said Alice, 

“Crabs, and all sorts of things,” said the 
Sheep : “ plenty of choice, only make up 
your mind. Now, what do you want to 
buy ? ” 

“ To buy ” Alice echoed in a tone that 
was half astonished and half frightened — 
for the oars, and the boat, and the river, had 
vanished all in a moment, and she was back 
again in the little dark shop. 

“ I should like to buy an egg, please,” she 
said timidly. “ How do you sell them ? ” 

“ Fivepence farthing for one — twopence 
for two,” the Sheep replied. 

“ Then two are cheaper than one ? ” Alice 
said in a surprised tone, taking out her 
purse. 

“ Only you must eat them both, if you buy 
two,” said the Sheep. 

“ Then I’ll have 07 ie , please,” said Alice, as 
she put the money down on the counter. 


WOOL AND WATER. 265 

For she thought to herself, “ They mightn’t 
be at all nice, you know.” 

The Sheep took the money, and put it 
away in a box : then she said “ I never put 
things into people’s hands — that would 
never do — you must get it for yourself.” 
And so saying, she went off to the other end 
of the shop, and set the egg upright on a 
shelf. 

“ I wonder why it wouldn’t do ? ” thought 
Alice, as she groped her way among the 
tables and chairs, for the shop was very 
dark towards the end. “ The egg seems to 
get further away the more I walk towards 
it. Let me see, is this a chair? Why it’s 
got branches, I declare ! How very odd to 
find trees growing here ! And actually 
here’s a little brook! Well, this is the very 
queerest shop I ever saw ! ” 

* * * * * 

* * * * 

* * * * * 

So she went on, wondering more and 
more at every step, as everything turned 
into a tree the moment she came up to it, 
and she quite expected the egg to do the 
same. 


CHAPTER VI. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY. 

However, the egg only got larger and 
larger, and more and more human : when 
she had come within a few yards of it, she 
saw that it had eyes and a nose and mouth ; 
and when she had come close to it, she saw 
clearly that it was HUMPTY DUMPTY 
himself. “ It can’t be anybody else ! ” she 
said to herself. “ I’m as certain of it, as if 
his name were written all over his face ! ” 

It might have been written a hundred 
times, easily, on that enormous face. 
Humpty Dumptv was sitting with his legs 
crossed, like a Turk, on the top of a high 
wall — such a narrow one that Alice quite 
wondered how he could keep his balance — 
and, as his eyes were steadily fixed in the 
opposite direction, and he didn’t take the 
least notice of her, she thought he must be 
a stuffed figure after all. 

“ And how exactly like an egg he is ! ” she 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


267 


said aloud, standing with her hands ready 
to catch him, for she was every moment 
expecting him to fall. 

“ It’s very provoking,” Humpty Dumpty 
said after a long silence, looking away from 
Alice as he spoke, “ to be called an egg — 
very ! ” 

“ I said you looked like an egg, Sir,” Alice 
gently explained. “ And some eggs are very 
pretty, you know,” she added, hoping to turn 
her remark into a sort of compliment. 

“ Some people,” said Humpty Dumpty, 
looking away from her as usual, “ have no 
more sense than a baby ! ” 

Alice didn’t know what to say to this : it 
wasn’t at all like conversation, she thought, 
as he never said anything to her ; in fact, his 
last remark was evidently addressed to a 
tree — so she stood and softly repeated to 
herself : 

“ Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall: 

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. 

All the King's horses and all the King's men 

Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again." 

“ That last line is much too long for the 
poetry,” she added, almost out loud, forget- 
ting that Humpty Dumpty would hear her. 

“ Don’t stand chattering to yourself like 
that,” Humpty Dumpty said, looking at her 
for the first time, “ but tell me your name 
and your business.” 


268 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

“My name is Alice, but — ” 

“ It’s a stupid name enough ! ” Humpty 
Dumpty interrupted impatiently. “What 
does it mean ? ” 

“ Must a name mean something ? ” Alice 
asked doubtfully. 

“Of course it must,” Humpty Dumpty said 
with a short laugh: “ my name means the 
shape I am — and a good handsome shape it 
is, too. With a name like yours, you might 
be any shape almost.” 

“ Why do you sit out here all alone ? ” said 
Alice, not wishing to begin an argument. 

“Why, because there’s nobody with me ! ” 
cried Humpty Dumpty. “ Did you think I 
didn’t know the answer to that f” Ask 
another.” 

“ Don’t you think you’d be safer down on 
the ground ? ” Alice went on, not with any 
idea of making another riddle, but simply in 
her good-natured anxiety for the queer crea- 
ture. “That wall is so very narrow ! ” 

“ What tremendously easy riddles you 
ask!” Humpty Dumpty growled out. “Of 
course I don’t think so ! Why, if ever I did 
fall off — which there’s no chance of — but if I 
did — ” Here he pursed up his lips, and 
looked so solemn and grand that Alice could 
hardly help laughing. “If I did fall,” he went 
on, “ the King has promised me — ah, you may 
turn pale, if you like ! Y ou didn’t think I 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


269 


was going to say that, did you ? The King 
has promised me — with his very own mouth — to — 
to — ” 

“To send all his horses and all his men,” 
Alice interrupted, rather unwisely. 

“ Now I declare that’s too bad ! ” Humpty 
Dumpty cried, breaking* into a sudden pas- 
sion. “ You’ve been listening at doors — and 
behind trees — and down chimneys — or you 
couldn’t have known it ! ” 

“ I haven’t, indeed ! ” Alice said very 
gently. “ It’s in a book” 

“ Ah, well ! They may write such things 
in a book ,” Humpty Dumpty said in a calmer 
tone. “ That’s what you call a History of 
England, that is. Now, take a good look at 
me ! I’m one that has spoken to a King, I 
am : mayhap you’ll never see such another : 
and to show you I’m not proud, you may 
shake hands with me ! ” And he grinned 
almost from ear to ear, as he leant forwards 
(and as nearly as possible fell off the wall in 
doing so) and offered Alice his hand. She 
watched him a little anxiously as she took 
it. “If he smiled much more, the ends of 
his mouth might meet behind,” she thought : 
“ and then I don’t know what would happen 
to his head ! I’m afraid it would come off! ” 
“Yes, all his horses and all his men,” 
Humpty Dumpty went on. “They’d pick 
me up again in a minute, they would ! How- 


270 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


ever, this conversation is going on a little 
too fast : let’s go back to the last remark 
but one. 

“ I’m afraid I can’t quite remember it,” 
Alice said very politely. 

“ In that case we start fresh,” said Hump- 
ty Dumpty, “ and it’s my turn to choose a 
subject — ” (“ He talks about it just as if it was 
a game ! ” thought Alice.) “ So here’s a ques- 
tion for you. How old did you say you 
were ? ” 

Alice made a short calculation, and said 
“ Seven years and six months.” 

“Wrong!” Humpty Dumpty exclaimed 
triumphantly. “You never said a word like 
it ! ” 

“ I thought you meant ‘ How old are you}"' 
Alice explained. 

“If I’d meant that, I’d have said it,” said 
Humpty Dumpty. 

Alice didn’t want to begin another ar- 
gument, so she said nothing. 

“Seven years and six months!” Humpty 
Dumpty repeated thoughtfully. “An un- 
comfortable sort of age. Now if you’d asked 
my advice, I’d have said ‘ Leave off at seven’ — 
but it’s too late now.” 

“ I never ask advice about growing,” Alice 
said indignantly: 

“ Too proud ? ” the other inquired. 

Alice felt even more indignant at this sug- 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


271 



gestion. “I mean,” 
she said, “ that one 
can’t help growing 
older.” 

“ One can’t, per- 
haps,” said Humpty 
Dumpty , “ but two can. 
With proper assist- 
ance, you might have 
left off at seven.” 

“ What a beautiful 
belt you’ve got on ! ” 
Alice suddenly remarked. (They had had 
quite enough of the subject ol age, she 
thought: and if they really were to take turns 
in choosing subjects, it was her turn now.) 
“ At least,” she corrected herself on second 


272 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


thoughts, “a beautiful cravat, I should have 
said — no, a belt, I mean — I beg your pardon ! ” 
she added in dismay, for Humpty Dumpty 
looked thoroughly offended, and she began 
to wish she hadn’t chosen .that subject. “ If 
only I knew,” she thought to herself, “ which 
was neck and which was waist ! ” 

Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very 
angry, though he said nothing for a minute 
or two. When he did speak again, it was 
in a deep growl. 

“It is a — most — provoking- — thing, he said 
at last, “ when a person doesn’t know a 
cravat from a belt ! ” 

“I know its very ignorant of me,” Alice 
said, in so humble a tone that Humpty 
Dumpty relented. 

“ It’s a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, 
as you say. It’s a present from the White 
King and Queen. There now ! ” 

“ Is it really ? ” said Alice, quite pleased to 
find that she had chosen a good subject, 
after all. 

“They gave it me,” Humpty Dumpty con- 
tinued thoughtfully, as he crossed one knee 
over the other and clasped his hands round 
it, “ they gave it me — for an un-birthday 
present.” 

“ I beg your pardon ? ” Alice said with a 
puzzled air. 

“I’m not offended said Humpty Dumpty. 


HUMPTY DUMP TV. 


273 


“ I mean, what is an un-birthday present ? ” 
“ A present given when it isn’t your 
birthday of course.” 

Alice considered a little. “ I like birthday 
presents best,” she said at last. 

“ You don’t know what you’re talking 
about!” cried Humpty Dumpty. “How 
many days are there in a year ? ” 

“Three hundred and sixty-five,” said Alice. 
“ And how many birthdays have you ? ” 

“ One.” 

“ And if you take one from three hundred 
and sixty-five, what remains ? ” 

“ Three hundred and sixty-four, of course.” 
“ Humpty Dumpty looked doubtful. “ I’d 
rather see that done on paper,” he said. 

Alice couldn’t help smiling as she took out 
her memorandum book, and worked the 
sum for him : 

365 


364 


Humpty Dumpty took the book, and 
looked at it carefully. “That seems to be 
done right — ” he began. 

“You’re holding it upside down!” Alice 
interrupted. 

“To be sure I was!” Humpty Dumpty 
said gaily, as she turned it round for him. 


274 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

“ I thought it looked a little queer. As I was 
saying, that seems to be done right — though I 
haven’t time to look it over thoroughly just 
now — and that shows that there are three 
hundred and sixty-four days when you 
might get unbirthday-presents — ” 

“ Certainly,” said Alice. 

“ And only one for birthday presents, you 
know. There’s glory for you ! ” 

“ I don’t know what you mean by ‘ glory,’ ” 
Alice said. 

Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. 
“ Of course you don’t — till I tell you. I 
meant ‘ there’s a nice knock-down argument 
for you ! ’ ” 

“ But ‘ glory ’ doesn’t mean ‘ a nice knock- 
down argument,’ ” Alice objected. 

“ When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty 
said in rather a scornful tone, “ it means just 
what I choose it to mean — neither more nor 
less.” 

“ The question is,” said Alice, “ whether 
you can make words mean so many different 
things.” 

“ The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, 
“ which is to be master — that’s all.” 

Alice was to much puzzled to say any- 
thing, so after a minute Humpty Dumpty 
began again. “They’ve a temper, some of 
them — particularly verbs, they’re the proud- 
est — adjectives you can do anything with, 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


275 


but not verbs — however, / can manage the 
whole lot of them ! Impenetrability ! That’s 
what /say ! ” 

“Would you tell me, please,” said Alice, 
“ what that means ? ” 

“ Now you talk like a reasonable child,” 
said Humpty Dumpty, looking very much 
pleased, “ I meant by ‘ impenetrability’ that 
we’ve had enough of that subject, and it 
would be just as well if you’d mention what 
you mean to do next, as I suppose you don’t 
mean to stop here all the rest of your life.” 

“ That’s a great deal to make one word 
mean,” Alice said in a thoughtful tone. 

“ When I make a word do a lot of work 
like that,” said Humpty Dumpty, “ I always 
pay it extra.” 

“ Oh ! ” said Alice. She was too much 
puzzled to make any other remark. 

“ Ah, you should see ’em come round me 
of a Saturday night,” Humpty Dumpty went 
on, wagging his head gravely from side to 
side: “ for to get their wages, you know.” 

(Alice didn’t venture to ask what he paid 
them with ; and so you see I can’t tell you.) 

w You seem very clever at explaining 
words, Sir,” said Alice. “ Would you kindly 
tell me the meaning of the poem called ‘ Jab- 
ber wocky ’ ? ” 

“ Let’s hear it,” said Humpty Dumpty. “ I 
can explain all the poems that ever were in- 


276 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


vented — and a good many that haven’t been 
invented just yet.” 

This sounded very hopeful, so Alice re- 
peated the first voice : 

“ 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe : 

All mimsy were the borogoves , 

And she mome ratlis outgrabe." 

“ That’s enough to begin with,” Humpty 
Dumpty interrupted : “ there are plenty of 
hard words there. ‘ Brillig ’ means four 
o’clock in the afternoon — the time when you 
begin broiling things for dinner.” 

“That’ll do very well,” said Alice: “and 
‘ slithy ’ ? ” 

“Well, ‘ slithy ’ means ‘lithe and slimy. 
‘ Lithe ’ is the same as ‘ active.’ Y ou see it’s 
like a portmanteau — there are two meanings 
packed up into one word.” 

“ I see it now,” Alice remarked thought- 
fully : “ and what are ‘ toves ’ t ” 

“ Well, ‘ toves ’ are something like badgers — 
they’re something like Lizards — and they’re 
something like corkscrews.” 

“ They must be very curious- looking crea- 
tures.” 

“ They are that,” said Humpty Dumpty, 
“ also they make their nests under sun-dials 
— also they live on cheese.” 


HUMP TV DUMPTY. 


277 


“ And what’s to 'gyre ’ and to ‘ gimble ’ ? ” 
“To ‘ gyre ’ is to go round and round like 



a gyroscope. To ‘ gimble ’ is to make holes 
like a gimblet.” 


278 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


“And ‘ the wabe' is the grass-plot round a 
sun-dial, I suppose?” said Alice, surprised at 
her own ingenuity. 

“ Of course it is. It’s called ‘ wabe', you 
know, because it goes a long way before it, 
and a long way behind it — ” 

“ And a long way beyond it on each side,” 
Alice added. 

“ Exactly so. Well then, ‘ mimsy ’ is ‘ flimsy 
and miserable’ (there’s another portmanteau 
for you). And a ‘ borogove ’ is a thin shabby - 
looking bird with its feathers sticking out 
all round — something like a live mop.” 

“And then ‘ monte raths' ?" said Alice. “I’m 
afraid I’m giving you a great deal of 
trouble.” 

“ Well, a ‘ rath ’ is a sort of green pig : but 
‘ mome ’ I’m not certain about. I think it’s 
short for ‘ from home ’ — meaning that they’d 
lost their way, you know.” 

“ And what does ‘ outgrabe ’ mean ? ” 

“Well ‘ outgribing' is something between 
bellowing and whistling, with a kind of 
sneeze in the middle : however, you’ll hear 
it done, maybe — down in the wood yonder — 
and when you’ve once heard it you’ll be 
quite content. Who’s been repeating all that 
hard stuff to you ? ” 

“ I read it in a book,” said Alice. “ But I 
had some poetry repeated to me, much easier 
than that, by — Tweedledee, I think it was.” 


HUMPTY DUMP TV. 


279 


“ As to poetry, you know,” said Humpty 
Dumpty, stretching* out one of his great 
hands, “ / can repeat poetry as well as other 
folk, if it comes to that — ” 

“ Oh, it needn’t come to that ! ” Alice 
hastily said, hoping to keep him from be- 
ginning. 

“ The piece I’m going to repeat,” he went 
on without noticing her remark, “ was 
written entirely for your amusement.” 

Alice felt that in that case she really ought 
to listen to it, so she sat down, and said 
“ Thank you ” rather sadly. 


‘ ‘ In winter , when the fields are white, 
I sing this song for your delight — 


only I don’t sing it,” he added, as an explan- 
ation. 

“ I see you don’t,” said Alice. 

“ If you can see whether I’m singing or not, 
you’ve sharper eyes than most,” Humpty 
Dumpty remarked severely. Alice was 
silent. 

“In spring , when woods are getting green, 

I'll try and tell you what I mean." 


Thank you very much,” said Alice. 


28 o 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


‘ ‘In summer , when the days are long, 

Perhaps you'll understand the song : 

In Autumn, when the leaves are brown, 

Take pen and ink , and write it down." 

“ I will, if I can remember it so long,” said 
Alice. 

“ Y ou needn’t go on making remarks like 
that,” Humpty Dumpty said : “ they’re not 
sensible, and they put me out.” 

‘ ‘I sent a message to the fish : 

I told them ‘ This is what I wish. ’ 

The little fishes of the sea, 

They sent an answer back to me. 

1 he little fishes' answer was 
‘ We cannot do it, Sir, because * ” 

“ I’m afraid I don’t quite understand,” said 
Alice. 

“ It gets easier further on,” Humpty 
Dumpty replied. 

‘ ‘I sent to them again to say 
‘It will be better to obey. ' 

The fishes answered with a grin, 

‘ Why, what a temper you are in ! * 


HUMP TV DUMPTY. 


281 


I told them once , I told them twice : 
They would not listen to advice. 

I took a kettle large and new , 

Fit for the deed I had to do. 



My heart went hop , my heart went thump ; 
I filled the kettle at the pump. 

Then some one came to me and said y 
1 The little fishes are in bed.' 


28 2 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


I said to him , / said it plain , 

‘ Then you must wake them up again .' 

I said it very loud and clear ; 

I went and shouted in his ear." 

Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost 
to a scream as he repeated this verse, and 
Alice thought with a shudder, “ I wouldn’t 
have been the messenger for anything ! ” 

“ But he was very stiff and proud ; 

He said 1 You needn't shout so loud ! ’ 

A nd he was very proud and stiff ; 

He said * I'd go and wake them , if — * 

I took a corkscrew from the shelf ; 

I went to wake them up myself. 

A nd when I found the door was locked, 

I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked. 

A nd when I found the door was shut, 

I tried to turn the handle, but — ” 

There was a long pause. 

“ Is that all ? ” Alice timidly asked. 

“ That’s all,” said Humpty Dumpty. 
“ Good-bye.” 

This was rather sudden, Alice thought : 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


283 


but, after such a very strong* hint that she 
ought to be going, she felt that it would 
hardly be civil to stay. So she got up, and 
held out her hand. “ Good-bye, till we meet 
again ! ” she said as cheerfully as she could. 

“ I shouldn’t know you again if we did 
meet,” Humpty Dumpty replied in a discon- 
tented tone, giving her one of his fingers to 
shake; “you’re so exactly like other people.” 

“ The face is what one goes by, generally,” 
Alice remarked in a thoughtful tone. 

“That’s just what I complain of,” said 
Humpty Dumpty. “Your face is the same 
as everybody has — the two eyes, so — ” 
(marking their places in the air with his 
thumb) “ nose in the middle, mouth under. 
It’s always the same. Now if you had the 
two eyes on the same side of the nose, for 
instance — or the mouth at the top — that 
would be some help.” 

“It wouldn’t look nice,” Alice objected. 
But Humpty Dumpty only shut his eyes and 
said “ Wait till you’ve tried.” 

Alice waited a minute to see if he would 
speak again, but as he never opened his eyes 
or took an}^ further notice of her, she said 
“ Good-bye ! ” once more, and, getting no an- 
swer to this, she quietly walked away : but 
she couldn’t help saying to herself as she 
went, “ Of all the unsatisfactory — ” (she re- 
peated this aloud, as it was a great comfort 


284 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

to have such a long word to say) “ of all the 
unsatisfactory people I ever , met — ” She 
never finished the sentence, for at this mo- 
ment a heavy crash shook the forest from 
end to end. 


CHAPTER VII. 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN. 

The next moment soldiers came running 
through the wood, at first in twos and 
threes, then ten or twenty together, and at 
last in such crowds that they seemed to fill 
the whole forest. Alice got behind a tree, 
for fear of being run over, and watched 
them go by. 

She thought that in all her life she had 
never seen soldiers so uncertain on their 
feet : they were always tripping over some- 
thing or other, and whenever one went 
down, several more always fell over him, so 
that the ground was soon covered with little 
heaps of men. 

Then came the horses. Having four feet, 
these managed rather better than the foot- 
soldiers : but even they stumbled now and 
then ; and it seemed to be a regular rule that, 
whenever a horse stumbled, the rider fell off 


286 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


instantly. The confusion got worse every 
moment, and Alice was very glad to get out 
of the wood into an open place, where she 
found the White King seated on the ground, 
busily writing in his memorandom-book. 

“ I’ve sent them all ! ” the King cried in a 
tone of delight, on seeing Alice. “ Did you 
happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as 
you came through the wood ? ” 

“Yes, I did,” said Alice : “ several thousand, 
I should think.” 

“ Four thousand two hundred and seven, 
that’s the exact number,” the King said, 
referring to his book. “ I couldn’t send all 
the horses, you know, because two of them 
are wanted in the game. And I haven’t sent 
the two Messengers, either. They’re both 
gone to the town. Just look along the road, 
and tell me if you can see either of them.” 

“ I see nobody on the road,” said Alice. 

“ I only wish / had such eyes,” the King 
remarked in a fretful tone. “ To be able to 
see Nobody! And at that distance too! 
Why, it’s as much as I can do to see real 
people, by this light ! ” 

All this was lost on Alice, who was still 
looking intently along the road, shading her 
eyes with one hand. “ I see somebody 
now ! ” she exclaimed at last. “ But lie’s 
coming very slowly — and what curious atti- 
tudes he goes into ! ” (For the Messenger 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN 


287 



kept skipping up and down, and wriggling 
like an eel, as he came along, with his great 
hands spread out like fans on each side.) 

“Not at all,” said the King. “He’s an 
Anglo-Saxon Messenger — and those are 


288 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does them 
when he’s happy. His name is Haigha.” 
(He pronounced it so as to rhyme with 
‘ mayor.’) 

“ I love my love with an H,” Alice couldn’t 
help beginning, “ because he is Happy. I 
hate him with an H, because he is Hideous. 
I fed him with — with — with Ham sand- 
wiches and Hay. His name is Haigha, and 
he lives — ” 

“ He lives on the Hill,” the King remarked 
simply, without the least idea that he was 
joining in the game, while Alice was still 
hesitating for the name of a town begin- 
ning with H. “The other Messenger’s called 
Hatta. I must have two , you know — to come 
and go. One to come, and one to go.” 

“ I beg your pardon ? ” said Alice. 

“ It isn’t respectable to beg,” said the King. 

“ I only meant that I didn’t understand,” 
said Alice. “ Why one to come and one to 
go?” 

“ Don’t I tell you ? ” the King repeated im- 
patiently. “ I must have two — to fetch and 
carry. One to fetch, and one to carry.” 

At this moment the Messenger arrived: 
he was far too much out of breath to say a 
word, and could only wave his hands about, 
and make the most fearful faces at the poor 
King. 

“This young lady loves you with an H,” 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN 2 8g 

the King said, introducing Alice in the hope 
of turning off the Messengers attention from 
himself— but it was no use— the Anglo-Saxon 
attitudes only got more extraordinary every 



moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly 
from side to side. 

“You alarm me!” said the King. “I feel 
faint — Give me a ham sandwich !■” 

On which the Messenger, to Alice’s great 
amusement, opened a bag thgt hung round 
his neck, and handed a sandwich to the 
King, who devoured it greedily. 


290 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


“Another sandwich! ” said the King. 

“ There’s nothing but hay left now,” the 
Messenger said, peeping into the bag. 

“Hay, then,” the King murmured in a 
faint whisper. 

Alice was glad to see that it revived him a 
good deal. “ There’s nothing like eating hay 
when you’re faint,” he remarked to her, as he 
munched away. 

“ I should think throwing cold water over 
you would be better,” Alice suggested : “ — or 
some sal-volatile.” 

“ I didn’t say there was nothing better ,” 
the King replied. “ I said there was noth- 
ing like it.” Which Alice did not venture 
to deny. 

“Who did you pass on the road?” the 
King went on, holding out his hand to the 
Messenger for some more hay. 

“Nobody,” said the Messenger. 

“Quite right,” said the King: “this young 
lady saw him too. So of course Nobody 
walks slower than you.” 

“ I do my best,” the Messenger said in a 
sullen tone. “I’m sure nobody walks much 
faster than I do ! ” 

“ He can’t do that,” said the King, “ or else 
he’d have been here first. However, now 
you’ve got your breath, you may tell us 
what’s happened in the town.” 

“ I’ll whisper it,” said the Messenger, put- 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN. 


291 


ting his hands to his mouth in the shape of 
a trumpet and stooping so as to get close to 
the King’s ear. Alice was sorry for this, as 
she wanted to hear the news too. However, 
instead of whispering, he simply shouted at 
the top of his voice “ They’re at it again ! ” 

“ Do you call that a whisper ? ” cried the 
poor King, jumping up and shaking himself. 
“ If you do such a thing again, I’ll have you 
buttered ! It went through and through my 
head like an earthquake ! ” 

“It would have to be a very tiny earth- 
quake ! ” thought Alice. “ Who are at it 
again ? ” she ventured to ask. 

“ Why, the Lion and the Unicorn, of 
course,” said the King. 

“ Fighting for the crown ? ” 

“Yes, to be sure,” said the King: “and 
the best of the joke is, that it’s my crown all 
the while! Let’s run and see them.” And 
they trotted off, Alice repeating to herself, as 
she ran, the words of the old song : 

‘ ‘ The Lion arid the Unicorn were fighting for the crown : 
The Lion beat the Unicorn all round the town. 

Some gave them white bread \ some gave them brown ; 
Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of 
town." 

“Does — the one — that wins — get the 
crown?” she asked, as well as she could, 


292 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

for the run was putting her quite out of 
breath. 

“ Dear me, no ! ” said the King. “ What 
an idea ! ” 

“Would you — be good enough,” Alice 
panted out, after running a little further, 
“ to stop a minute — just to get — one’s breath 
again ? ” 

“ I’m good enough,” the King said, “ only 
I’m not strong enough. You see, a minute 
goes by so fearfully quick. You might as 
well try to stop a Bandersnatch ! ” 

Alice had no more breath for talking, so 
they trotted on in silence, till they come in 
sight of a great crowd, in the middle of 
which the Lion and Unicorn were fighting. 
They were in such a cloud of dust, that at 
first Alice could not make out which was 
which : but she soon managed to distinguish 
the Unicorn by his horn. 

They placed themselves close to where 
Hatta, the other Messenger, was standing 
watching the fight, with a cup of tea in one 
hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the 
other. 

“ He’s only just out of prison, and he 
hadn’t finished his tea when he was sent in,” 
Haigha whispered to Alice : “ and they only 
give them oyster- shells in there— so you see 
he’s very hungry and thirsty. How are you, 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN 


2 93 


dear child ? ” he went on, putting his arm 
affectionately round Hatta’s neck. 

Hatta looked round and nodded, and went 
on with his bread-and-butter. 



“Were you happy in prison, dear child?” 
said Haigha. 

Hatta looked round once more, and this 
time a tear or two trickled down his cheek : 
but not a word would he say. 

“ Speak, can’t you ! ” Haigha cried impa- 
tiently. But Hatta only munched away, and 
drank some more tea. 



294 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

“ Speak, won’t you ! ” cried the King. “ How 
are they getting on with the fight ? ” 

Hatta made a desperate effort, and swal- 
lowed a large piece of bread-and-butter. 
“They’re getting on very well,” he said in a 
choking voice: “ each of them has been down 
about eighty-seven times.” 

“ Then 1 suppose they’ll soon bring the 
white bread and the brown?” Alice ventured 
to remark. 

“It’s waiting for ’em now,” said Hatt.a: 
“ this is a bit of it as I’m eating.” 

There was a pause in the fight just then, 
and the Lion and the Unicorn sat down, 
panting, while the King called ' out “ Ten 
minutes allowed for refreshments ! ” Haigha 
and Hatta set to work at once, carrying 
round trays of white and brown bread. 
Alice took a piece to taste, but it was very 

dry- 

“ I don’t think they’ll fight any more to- 
day,” the King said to Hatta : “ go and order 
the drums* to begin.” And Hatta went 
bounding away like a grasshopper. 

For a minute or two Alice stood silent, 
watching him. Suddenly she brightened up. 
“Look, look!” she cried, pointing eagerly. 
“ There’s the White Queen running across 
the country ! She came flying out of the 
wood over yonder — How fast those Queens 
can run ! ” 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN 


295 


“ There’s some enemy after her, no doubt,” 
the King said, without even looking round. 
“ That wood’s full of them.” 

“ But aren’t you going to run and help 
her?” Alice asked, very much surprised at 
his taking it so quietly. 

“No use, no use ! ” said the King. “ She 
runs so fearfully quick. You might as well 
try to catch a Bandersnatch ! But I’ll make 
a memorandum about her, if you like — She’s 
a dear good creature,” he repeated softly to 
himself, as he opened his memorandum- 
book. “ Do you spell ‘ creature ’ with a 
double ‘ e ’ ? ” 

At this moment the Unicorn sauntered by 
them, with his hands in his pockets. “ I 
had the best of it this time ? ” he said to the 
King, just glancing at him as he passed. 

“ A little — a little,” the King replied, 
rather nervously. “ You shouldn’t have 
run him through with your horn, you 
know.” 

“ It didn’t hurt him,” the Unicorn said 
carelessly, and he was going on, when his 
eye happened to fall upon Alice : he turned 
round instantly, and stood for some time 
looking at her with an air of the deepest dis- 
gust. 

“ What — is — this ? ” he said at last. 

“ This is a child ! ” Haigha replied eagerly, 
coming in front of Alice to introduce her, 


296 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

and spreading out both his hands towards 
her in an Anglo-Saxon attitude. “We only 
found it to-day. It’s as large as life, and 
twice as natural ! ” 

“ I always thought they were fabulous 
monsters ! ” said the Unicorn. “ Is it alive? ” 

“ It can talk,” said Haigha, solemnly. 

The Unicorn looked dreamily at Alice, 
and said “ Talk, child.” 

Alice could not help her lips curling up 
into a smile as she began : “ Do you know, 

I always thought Unicorns were fabulous 
monsters, too ! I never saw one alive 
before ! ” 

“ Well, now that we have seen each other,” 
said the Unicorn, “ if you’ll believe in me, 
I’ll believe in you. Is that a bargain ? ” 

“ Yes, if you like,” said Alice. 

“ Come, fetch out the plum-cake, old man!” 
the Unicorn went on, turning from her to 
the King. “ None of your brown bread for 
me ! ” 

“ Certainly — certainly ! ” the King mut- 
tered, and beckoned to Haigha. “ Open the 
bag!” he whispered. “Quick! Not that 
one — that’s full of hay ! ” 

Haigha took a large cake out of the bag, 
and gave it to Alice to hold, while he got 
out a dish and carving-knife. How they all 
came out of it Alice couldn’t guess. It was 
just like a conjuring-trick, she thought. 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN 


297 


The Lion had joined them while this was 
going* on : he looked very tired and sleepy, 
and his eyes were half shut. “ What’s this!” 
he said, blinking lazily at Alice, and speak- 



ing in a deep hollow tone that sounded like 
the tolling of a great bell. 

“ Ah, what is it, now ? ” the Unicorn cried 
eagerly. “ You’ll never guess ! /couldn’t.” 

The Lion looked at Alice wearily. “ Are 
you animal — or vegetable — or mineral?” he 
said, yawning at every other word. 

“It’s a fabulous monster!” the Unicorn 
cried out, before Alice could reply. 


298 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

“Then hand round the plum-cake, Mon- 
ster,” the Lion said, lying down and putting 
his chin on his paws. “ And sit down, both 
of you,” (to the King and the Unicorn): “fair 
play with the cake, you know! ” 

The King was evidently very uncomfort- 
able at having to sit down between the two 
great creatures; but there was no other place 
for him. 

“ What a fight we might have for the 
crown, now ! ” the Unicorn said, looking sly- 
ly up at the crown, which the poor King was 
nearly shaking off his head, he trembled so 
much. 

“ I should win easy,” said the Lion. 

“ I’m not so sure of that,” said the Unicorn. 

“ Why, I beat you all round the town, you 
chicken ! ” the Lion replied angrily, half get- 
ting up as he spoke. 

Here the King interrupted, to prevent the 
quarrel going on : he was very nervous, and 
his voice quite quivered. “ All round the 
town? ” he said. ■“ That’s a good long way. 
Did you go by the old bridge, or the market- 
place ? You get the best view by the old 
bridge.” 

“ I’m sure I don’t know,” the Lion growled 
out as he lay down again. “ There was too 
much dust to see anything. What a time 
the Monster is, cutting up that cake ! ” 

Alice had seated herself on the bank of a 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN 299 

little brook, with the great dish on her knees, 
and was sawing away diligently with the 
knife. “ It’s very provoking ! ” she said, in 
reply to the Lion (she was getting quite 
used to being called ‘the Monster’). “I’ve 



cut several slices already, but they always 
join on again ! ” 

“ You don’t know how to manage Looking- 
glass cakes,” the Unicorn remarked.^ “ Hand 
it round first, and cut it afterwards.” 


300 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

This sounded nonsense, but Alice very 
obediently got up, and carried the dish 
round, and the cake divided itself into three 
pieces as she did so. “ Now cut it up,” said 
the Lion, as she returned to her place with 
the empty dish. 

“ I say, this isn’t fair! ” cried the Unicorn, 
as Alice sat with the knife in her hand, very 
much puzzled how to begin. “ The Monster 
has given the Lion twice as much as me ! ” 

“ She’s kept none for herself, anyhow,” 
said the Lion. “ Do you like plum-cake, 
Monster ? ” 

But before Alice could answer him, the 
drums began. 

Where the noise came from she couldn’t 
make out : the air seemed full of it, and it 
rang through and through her head till she 
felt quite deafened. She started to her feet 
and sprang across the little brook in terror, 


* * 


* * 


* * 


* 


* 


❖ * * 


and had just time to see the Lion and the 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN 


3 ox 


Unicorn rise to their feet, with angry looks 
at being interrupted in their feast, before 
she dropped to her knees, and put her hands 
over her ears, vainly trying to shut out the 
dreadful uproar. 

“ If that doesn’t ‘ drum them out of town,’ ” 
she thought to herself “ nothing ever will ! ” 


CHAPTER VIII. 


“it’s my own invention.” 

After a while the noise seemed gradually 
to die away, till all was dead silence, and 
Alice lifted up her head in some alarm. 
There was no one to be seen, and her first 
thought was that she must have been dream- 
ing about the Lion and the Unicorn and 
those queer Anglo-Saxon Messengers. How- 
ever, there was the great dish still lying at 
her feet, on which she had tried to cut the 
the plum-cake. “ So I wasn’t dreaming, after 
all,” she said to herself, “unless — unless 
we’re all part of the same dream. Only I do 
hope it’s my dream, and not the Red Kings! 
I don’t like belonging to another person’s 
dream,” she went on in a rather complaining 
tone : “ I’ve a great mind to go and wake 
him, and see what happens ! ” 

At this moment her thoughts were inter- 
rupted by a loud shouting of “ Ahoy ! Ahoy ! 
Check ! ” and a Knight dressed in crimson 


“ ITS MY O WN INVENTION 303 

armour, came galloping down upon her, 
brandishing a great club. Just as he reached 
her, the horse stopped suddenly: “ You’re my 
prisoner ! ” the Knight cried, as he tumbled 
off his horse. 

Startled as she was, Alice was more fright- 
ened for him than for herself at the mo- 
ment, and w r atched him with some anxiety 
as he mounted again. As soon as he was 
comfortably in the saddle, he began once 
more “ You’re my — ” but here another voice 
broke in “ Ahoy ! Ahoy ! Check ! ” and Alice 
looked round in some surprise for the new 
enemy. 

This time it was a White Knight. He drew 
up at Alice’s side, and tumbled off his horse 
just as the Red Knight had done : then he 
got on again, and the two Knights sat and 
looked at each other for some time without 
speaking Alice looked from one to the other 
in some bewilderment. 

“ She’s my prisoner, you know ! ” the Red 
Knight said at last. 

“ Yes, but then I came and rescued her ! ” 
the White Knight replied. 

“ Well, we must fight for her, then,” said 
the Red Knight, as he took up his helmet 
(which hung from the saddle, and was some- 
thing the shape of a horse’s head), and put it 
on. 

“You will observe the rules of Battle, of 


304 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

course ? ” the White Knight remarked, put- 
ting on his helmet too. 

“ I always do,” said the Red Knight, and 
they began banging away at each other with 
such fury that Alice got behind a tree to be 
out of the way of the blows. 

“ I wonder, now, what the rules of Battle 
are,” she said to herself, as she watched the 
fight, timidly peeping out from her hiding- 
place : “ one Rule seems to be, that if one 
Knight hits the other, he knocks him off his 
horse, and if he misses, he tumbles off him- 
self — and another rule seems to be that they 
hold their clubs with their arms, as if they 
were Punch and Judy — What a noise they 
make when they tumble ! J ust like a whole 
set of fire-irons falling into the fender ! And 
how quiet the horses are! They let them 
get on and off them just as if they were 
tables ! ” 

Another Rule of Battle, that Alice had not 
noticed, seemed to be that they always fell 
on their heads, and the battle ended with 
their both falling off in this way, side by 
side : when they got up again, they shook 
hands, and then the Red Knight mounted 
and galloped off. 

“ It was a glorious victory, wasn’t it ? ” 
said the White Knight, as he came up 
panting. 

“ I don’t know,” Alice said doubtfully. “ I 



“ ITS MY O WN INVENTION 305 

don t want to be anybody’s prisoner. I 
want to be a Queen.” 

“ So you will when you’ve crossed the 
next brook,” said the White Knight. “I’ll 


see you safe to the end of the wood — and 
then I must go back, you know. That’s the 
end of my move.” 

“Thank you very much,” said Alice. 
“ May I help you off with your helmet ? ” 


3 o6 through the looking-glass. 

It was evidently more than he could man- 
age by himself; however she managed to 
shake him out of it at last. 

“ Now one can breathe more easily,” said 
the Knight, putting back his shaggy hair 
with both hands, and turning his gentle 
face and large mild eyes to Alice. She 
thought she had never seen such a strange- 
looking soldier in all her life. 

He was dressed in tin armour, which 
seemed to fit him very badly, and he had a 
queer-shaped little deal box fastened across 
his shoulders, upside-down, and with the lid 
hanging open. Alice looked at it with great 
curiosity. 

“ I see you’re admiring my little box,” the 
Knight said in a friendly tone. “ It’s my 
own invention — to keep clothes and sand- 
wiches in. You see I carry it upside-down, 
so that the rain can’t get in.” 

“ But the things can get out,” Alice gently 
remarked. “ Do you know the lid’s open ? ” 

“ I didn’t know it,” the Knight said, a 
shade of vexation passing over his face. 
“ Then all the things must have fallen out ! 
And the box is no use without them.” He 
unfastened it as he spoke, and was just 
going to throw it into the bushes, when a 
sudden thought seemed to strike him, and 
he hung it carefully on a tree. Can you 
guess why I did that ? ” he said to Alice. 


“ IT'S MY 0 WN invention: 


3 ° 7 


Alice shook her head. 

“ In hopes some bees may make a nest in 
it — then I should get the honey.” 

“ But you’ve got a bee- hive — or something 
like one — fastened to the saddle,” said Alice. 

“Yes, it’s a very good bee-hive,” the 
Knight said in a discontented tone, “ one of 
the best kind. But not a single bee has 
come near it yet. And the other thing is a 
mouse-trap. I suppose the mice keep the 
bees out — or the bees keep the mice out, I 
don’t know which.” 

“ I was wondering what the mouse-trap 
was for,” said Alice. “ It isn’t very likely 
there would be any mice on the horse’s 
back.” 

“ Not very likely, perhaps,” said the 
Knight ; “ but, if they do come, I don’t choose 
to have them running all about.” 

“ You see, he went on after a pause, “ it’s 
as well to be provided for everything . That’s 
the reason the horse has all those anklets 
round his feet.” 

“ But what are they for ? ” Alice asked in a 
tone of great curiosity. 

“ To guard against the bites of sharks,” 
the Knight replied. “ It’s an invention of my 
own. And now help me on. I’ll go with 
you to the end of the wood — What’s that 
dish for ? ” 

“ It’s meant for plum -cake,” said Alice. 


308 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

“ We’d better take it with us,” the Knight 
said. “ It’ll come in handy if we find any 
plum-cake. Help me to get it into this 

ba g-”. 

This took a long time to manage, though 
Alice held the bag open very carefully, be- 
cause the Knight was so very awkward in 
putting in the dish : the first two or three 
times that he tried he fell in himself instead. 
“ It’s rather a tight fit, you see,” he said, as 
they got it in at last ; “ there are so many 
candlesticks in the bag.” And he hung it to 
the saddle, which was already loaded with 
bunches of carrots, and fire-irons, and many 
other things. 

“ I hope you’ve got your hair well fastened 
on ? ” he continued, as they set off. 

“ Only in the usual way,” Alice said, smil- 
ing. 

“That’s hardly enough,” he said, anxiously. 
“ Y ou see the wind is so very strong here. 
It’s as strong as soup.” 

“ Have you invented a plan for keeping the 
hair from being blown off? ” Alice inquired. 

“ Not yet,” said the Knight. “ But I’ve got 
a plan for keeping it from falling off.” 

“ I should like to hear it, very much.” 

“ First you take an upright stick,” said the 
Knight. “ Then you make your hair creep up 
it, like a fruit tree. Now the reason hair 
falls off is because it hangs down — things 


“ ITS MY O IVN INVENTION , 309 

never fall upwards , you know. It’s a plan of 
my own invention. You may try it if you 
like.” 

It didn’t sound a comfortable plan, Alice 
thought, and for a few minutes she walked 
on in silence, puzzling over the idea, and 
every now and then stopping to help the 
the poor Knight, who certainly was not a 
good rider. 

Whenever the horse stopped (which it did 
very often), he fell off in front; and whenever 
it went on again (which it generally did 
rather suddenly), he fell off behind. Other- 
wise he kept on pretty well, except that he 
had a habit of now and then falling off side- 
ways; and as he generally did this on the 
side on which Alice was walking, she soon 
found that it was the best plan not to walk 
quite close to the horse. 

“ I’m afraid you’ve not had much practice 
in riding,” she ventured to say, as she was 
helping him up from his fifth tumble. 

The Knight looked very much surprised, 
and a little offended at the remark. “ What 
makes you say that ? ” he asked, as he 
scrambled back into the saddle, keeping 
hold of Alice’s hair with one hand, to save 
himself from falling over on the other 
side. 

“ Because people don’t fall off quite so often, 
when they’ve had much practice.” 


310 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

“ I’ve had plenty of practice,” the Knight 
said very gravely : “ plenty of practice ! ” 
Alice could think of nothing better to say 
than “ Indeed ? ; ’ but she said it as heartily as 
she could. They went on a little way in 
silence after this, the Knight with his eyes 
shut, muttering to himself, and Alice watch- 
ing anxiously for the next tumble. 

“ The great art of riding,” the Knight sud- 
denly began in a loud voice, waving his 
right arm as he spoke, “ is to keep — ” Here 
the sentence ended as suddenly as it had 
begun, as the knight fell heavily on the top 
of his head exactly in the path where Alice 
was walking. She was quite frightened this 
time, and said in an anxious tone, as she 
picked him up, “ I hope no bones are 
broken ? ” 

“ None to speak of,” the Knight said, as if 
he didn’t mind breaking two or three of 
them. “ The great art of riding, as I was 
saying, is — to keep your balance properly. 
Like this, you know—” 

He let go the bridle, and stretched out 
both his arms to show Alice what he meant, 
and this time he fell flat on his back, right 
under the horse’s feet. 

“ Plenty of practice ! ” he went on repeat- 
ing, all the time that Alice was getting him 
on his feet again. “ Plenty of practice ! ” 

“ It’s too ridiculous ! ” cried Alice, losing 


41 ITS MY O WN INVENTION 3 1 1 

all her patience this time. “You ought to 
have a wooden horse on wheels, that you 
ought ! ” 

“ Does that kind go smoothly ? ” the Knight 



asked in a tone of great interest, clasping 
his arms round the horses neck as he spoke, 
just in time to save himself from tumbling 
off again. 

“ Much more smoothly than a live horse/’ 


3 12 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


Alice said, with a little scream of laughter, 
in spite of all she could do to prevent it. 

“ I’ll get one,” the Knight said thoughtfully 
to himself. “ One or two — several.” 

There was a short silence after this, and 
then the Knight went on again. “I’m a 
great hand at inventing things. Now, I 
daresay you noticed, the last time you 
picked me up, that I was looking rather 
thoughtful ? ” 

“ You were a little grave,” said Alice. 

“ Well, just then I was inventing a new 
way of getting over a gate — would you 
like to hear it ? ” 

“ Very much indeed,” Alice said politely. 

“ I’ll tell you how I came to think of it,” 
said the Knight. “ You see, I said to myself, 
‘The only difficulty is with the feet: the head 
is high enough already.’ Now, first I put 
my head on the top of the gate— then the 
head’s high enough — then I stand on my 
head — then the feet are high enough, you 
see — then I’m over, you see.” 

“ Y es, I suppose you’d be over when 
that was done,” Alice said thoughtfully : 
“ but don’t you think it would be rather 
hard ? ” 

“ I haven’t tried it yet,” the Knight said, 
gravely, “ so I can’t tell for certain — but I’m 
afraid it would be a little hard.” 

He looked so vexed at the idea, that Alice 


“ ITS MY O IVN INVENTION, 1 ” 3 1 3 

changed the subject hastily. “What a curi- 
ous helmet you’ve got ! ” she said cheerfully. 
“ Is that your invention too ? ” 

The Knight looked down proudly at his 
helmet, which hung from the saddle. “ Yes,” 
he said, “ but I’ve invented a better one than 
that — like a sugar-loaf. When I used to 
wear it, if I fell of off the horse, it always 
touched the ground directly. So I had nveiy 
little way to fall, you see — But there was the 
danger of falling into it, to be sure. That 
happened to me once — and the worst of it 
was, before I could get out again, the other 
White Knight came and put it on. He 
thought it was his own helmet.” 

The Knight looked so solemn about it that 
Alice did not dare to laugh. “ I’m afraid 
you must have hurt him,” she said in a 
trembling voice, “ being on the top of his 
head.” 

“I had to kick him, of course,” the Knight 
said, very seriously. “And then he took the 
helmet off again — but it took hours and hours 
to get me out. I was as fast as — as light- 
ning, you know.” 

“ But that’s a different kind of fastness,” 
Alice objected. 

The Knight shook his head. “ It was all 
kinds of fastness with me, I can assure you!” 
he said. He raised his hands in some excite- 
ment as he said this, and instantly rolled 


314 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

out of the saddle, and fell headlong into a 
deep ditch. 

Alice ran to the side of the ditch to look 
for him. She was rather startled by the fall, 
as for some time he had kept on very well, 
and she was afraid that he really was hurt 
this time. However, though she could see 
nothing but the soles of his feet, she was 
much relieved to hear that he was talking 
on in his usual tone. “ All kinds of fastness,” 
he repeated : “ but it was careless of him to 
put another man’s helmet on — with the man 
in it, too.” 

“ How can you go on talking so quietly, 
head downwards?” Alice asked, as she 
dragged him out by the feet, and laid him in 
a heap on the bank. 

The Knight looked surprised at the ques- 
tion. “ What does it matter where my body 
happens to be ? ” he said. “ My mind goes 
on working all the same. In fact, the more 
head downwards I am, the more I keep in- 
venting new things.” 

“ Now the cleverest thing of the sort that 
I ever did,” he went on after a pause, “ was 
inventing a new pudding during the meat- 
course.” 

“ In time to have it cooked for the next 
course ?” said Alice. “Well, that was quick 
work, certainly ! ” 

“Well, not the next course,” the Knight 


“ ITS MY O WN INVENTION.” 315 

said in a slow thoughtful tone: “ no, certainly 
not the next course .” 

“ Then it would have to be the next day. 
I suppose you wouldn’t have two pudding- 
courses in one dinner ? ” 

“ Well, not the next day,” the Knight 



repeated as before : “ not the next day. In 
fact,” he went on, holding his head down, 
and his voice getting lower and lower, “ I 
don’t believe that pudding ever was cooked ! 
In fact, I don’t believe that pudding ever will 
be cooked! And yet it was a very clever 
pudding to invent.” 

“ What did you mean it to be made of?” 
Alice asked, hoping to cheer him up, for the 

10* 


3 1 6 THRO UGH THE LOOKING- GLA 55 . 

poor Knight seemed quite low-spirited about 
it. 

“ It began with blotting-paper,” the Knight 
answered with a groan. 

“That wouldn’t be very nice, I’m afraid — ” 

“ Not very nice alone" he interrupted, quite 
eagerly : “ but you’ve no idea what a differ- 
ence it makes, mixing it with other things — 
such as gunpowder and sealing-wax. And 
here I must leave you.” They had just 
come to the end of the wood. 

Alice could only look puzzled : she was 
thinking of the pudding. 

“You are sad,” the Knight said in an 
anxious tone : “ let me sing you a song to 
comfort you.” 

“ Is it very long? ” Alice asked, for she had 
heard a good deal of poetry that day. 

“ It’s long ” said the Knight, “ but it’s very, 
very beautiful. Everybody that hears me 
sing it — either it brings the tears into their 
eyes, or else — ” 

“ Or else what ? ” said Alice, for the Knight 
had made a sudden pause. 

“ Or else it doesn’t, you know. The name 
of the song is called ‘ Haddocks Eyes! ” 

“ Oh, that’s the name of the song, is it ? ” 
Alice said, trying to feel interested. 

“ No, you don’t understand,” the Knight 
said, looking a little vexed. “That’s what 


“ITS MY 0 WN INVENTION:' 3 1 7 

the name is called. The name really is ‘ The 
Aged Aged Man! " 

“ Then I ought to have said ‘ That’s what 
the song is called ’ ? ” Alice corrected her- 
self. 

“No, you oughtn’t: that’s quite another 
thing ! The song is called ‘ Ways and Means ’ : 
but that’s only what it’s called , you know ! ” 

“Well, what is the song, then?” said Alice, 
who was by this time completely bewil- 
dered. 

“ I was coming to that,” the Knight said. 
“The song really is ‘ A- sitting On A Gate' : 
and the tune’s my own invention.” 

So saying, he stopped his horse and let 
the reins fall on its neck : then, slowly 
beating time with one hand, and with a 
faint smile lighting up his gentle foolish 
face, as if he enjoyed the music of his 
song, he began. 

Of all the strange things that Alice saw 
in her journey Through The Looking-Glass, 
this was the one that she always remem- 
bered most clearly. Years afterwards she 
could bring the whole scene back again, as 
if it had been only yesterday — the mild blue 
eyes and kindly smile of the Knight — the 
setting sun gleaming through his hair, and 
shining on his armour in a blaze of light that 
quite dazzled her — the horse quietly moving 
about, with the reins hanging loose on his 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


3 l8 


neck, cropping* the grass at her feet — and 
the black shadows of the forest behind — all 
this she took in like a picture, as, with one 
hand shading her eyes, she leant against a 
tree, watching the strange pair, and listen- 
ing, in a half dream, to the melancholy 
music of the song. 

“ But the tune isn't his own invention,” she 
said to herself: “it’s * / give thee ally I can no 
more ! " She stood and listened very atten- 
tively, but no tears came into her eyes. 

“ 77 / tell thee everything I can ; 

There's little to relate. 

I saw an aged aged man , 

A-sitttng on a gate. 

‘ Who are you , aged man ? ' I said. 

‘ And how is it you live ? ' 

A nd his answer trickled through my head 
Like zvater through a sieve. 

He said ‘7 look for butterflies 
That sleep among the wheat : 

I make them into mutton-pies, 

A nd sell them in the street. 

I sell them unto men, ’ he said, 

‘ Who sail on stormy seas ; 

And that's the way I get my bread — 

A trifle, if you please.' 


“ IT'S MY O WN invention: 


319 


But I was thinking of a plan 
To dye one's whiskers green , 
And always use so large a fan 
That they could not be seen . 



So, having no reply to give 
To what the old man said \ 

I cried ‘ Come , tell me how you live ! ' 
And thumped him on the head. 

His accents mild took up the tale : 

He said ‘/ go my ways , 

And when I find a mountain-rill, 

I set it in a blaze ; 


320 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS . . 


And thence they make a stuff they call 
Rowlands' Macassar Oil — 

Yet twopence-half penny is all 
They give me for my toil l 

But I was thinking of a way 
To feed oneself on batter, 

A nd so go on from day to day 
Getting a little fatter. 

I shook him well from side to side, 
Until his face was blue : 

* Come , tell me how you live,' I cried, 
i A nd what it is you do ! ’ 

He said ‘/ hunt for haddocks' eyes 
A mong the heather bright, 

And work them into waistcoat-buttons 
In the silent night. 

And these I do not sell for gold 
Or coin of silvery shine, 

But for a copper halfpenny, 

And that will purchase nine. 

*/ sometimes dig for buttered rolls, 

Or set limed Twigs for crabs ; 

I sometimes search the grassy knolls 
For wheels of Hansom-cabs. 


“IT'S MY 0 WN IN VENT 10 NT 


321 


And that's the way * {lie gave a wink ) 

‘ By which I get my wealth — 

A nd very gladly will 1 drink 
Your Honor's noble health. ' 

I heard him then , for I had just 
Completed my design 
To keep the Menai bridge from rust 
By boiling it in wine. 

I thanked him much for telling me 
The way he got his wealth , 

But chiefly for his wish that he 
Might drink my noble health. 

A nd now , if e'er by chance I put 
My fingers into glue , 

Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot 
Into a left hand shoe , 

Or if I drop upon my toe 
A very heavy zv eight, 

I weep , for it reminds me so 
Of that old man I used to know — 

Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow , 
Whose hair was zvhiter than the snow , 

Whose face was very like a crozv , 

With eyes , like cinders , all aglow , 

Who seemed distracted with his woe , 


3 2 2 THRO UGH THE LOOKING- GLA SS. 

Who rocked his body to and fro , 

And muttered mumblingly and low, 

As if his mouth were full of dough, 

Who snorted like a bujfalo — 

That summer evening, long ago, 

A -sitting on a gate A 

As the Knight sang the last words of the 
ballad, he gathered up the reins, and turned 
his horse’s head along the road by which 
they had come. “You’ve only a few yards 
to go,” he said, “ down the hill and over that 
little brook, and then you’ll be a Queen — But 
you’ll stay and see me off first ? ” he added 
as Alice turned with an eager look in the 
direction to which he pointed. “ I shan’t be 
long. You’ll wait and wave your handker- 
chief when I get to that turn in the road ? 
I think it’ll encourage me, you see.” 

“ Of course I’ll wait,” said Alice : “ and 
thank you very much for coming so far — 
and for the song— I liked it very much.” 

“ I hope so,” the Knight said doubtfully : 
“ but you didn’t cry so much as I thought 
you would.” 

So they shook hands, and then the Knight 
rode slowly away into the forest. “ It won’t 
take long to see him off, I expect,” Alice said 
to herself, as she stood watching him. 


“ IT'S MY O WN INVENTION 323 

“ There lie goes ! Right on his head as 
usual ! However, he gets on again pretty 
easily — that comes of having so many 
things hung round the horse — ” So she 
went on talking to herself, as she watched 



the horse walking leisurely along the road, 
and the Knight tumbling off, first on one 
side and then on the other. After the fourth 
or fifth tumble he reached the turn, and then 
she waved her handkerchief to him, and 
waited till he was out of sight. 


324 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


“ I hope it encouraged him,” she said, as she 
turned to run down the hill : “ and now for 
the last brook, and to be ci Queen ! How grand 
it sounds ! ” A very few steps brought her to 
the edge of the brook. “ The Eighth Square 
at last ! ” she cried as she bounded across, 

* * * sfs % 

❖ * * Sic 

* * * * * 


and threw herself down to rest on a lawn as 
soft as moss, with little flower-beds, dotted 
about it here and there. “ Oh, how glad I 
am to get here ! And what is this on my 
head ? ” she exclaimed in a tone of dismay, 
as she put her hands up to something very 
heavy, that fitted tight all round her head. 

“ But how can it have got there without 
my knowing it ? ” she said to herself, as she 
lifted it off, and set it on her lap to make out 
what it could possibly be. 

It was a golden crown. 


CHAPTER IX. 


QUEEN ALICE. 

“Well, this is grand!” said Alice. “I 
never expected I should be a Queen so soon — 
and I’ll tell you what it is, your Majesty,” 
she went on in a severe tone (she was 
always rather fond of scolding herself), “ it’ll 
never do for you to be lolling about on the 
grass like that ! Queens have to be digni- 
fied, you know ! ” 

So she got up and walked about — rather 
stiffly just at first, as she was afraid that 
the crown might come off : but she com- 
forted herself with the thought that there 
was nobody to see her, “ and if I really am a 
Queen,” she said as she sat down again, “ I 
shall be able to manage it quite well in 
time.” 

Everything was happening so oddly that 
she didn’t feel a bit surprised at finding the 
Red Queen and the White Queen sitting 
close to her, one on each side : she would 


326 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS . 


have liked very much to ask them how they 
came there, but she feared it would not be 
quite civil. However, there would be no 
harm, she thought, in asking if the game 
was over. “ Please, would you tell me — ” 
she began, looking timidly at the Red 
Queen. 

“Speak when you’re spoken to!” the 
Queen sharply interrupted her. 

“ But if everybody obeyed that rule,” said 
Alice, who was always ready for a little 
argument, “ and if you only spoke when you 
were spoken to, and the other person always 
waited for you to begin, you see nobody 
would ever say anything, so that — ” 

“ Ridiculous ! ” cried the Queen. “ Why, 
don’t you see, child — ” here she broke off 
with a frown, and, after thinking for a 
minute, suddenly changed the subject of the 
conversation. “ What do you mean by ‘ If 
you really are a Queen ’ ? What right have 
you to call yourself so ? You can’t be a 
Queen, you know, till you’ve passed the 
proper examination. And the sooner we 
begin it, the better.” 

“ I only said ‘ if ’ ! ” poor Alice pleaded in a 
piteous tone. 

The two Queens looked at each other, and 
the Red Queen remarked, with a little shud- 
der, “ She says she only said ‘ if’ — ” 

“ But she said a great deal more than 


QUEEN ALICE. 


327 


that ! ” the White Queen moaned, wringing 
her hands. “ Oh, ever so much more than 
that ! ” 

“ So you did, you know,” the Red Queen 
said to Alice. “ Always speak the truth — 
think before you speak — and write it down 
afterwards.” 

“ I’m sure I didn’t mean — ” Alice was be- 
ginning, but the Red Queen interrupted her 
impatiently. 

“That’s just what I complain of! You 
should have meant ! What do you suppose is 
the use of a child without any meaning? 
Even a joke should have some meaning — and 
a child’s more important than a joke, I hope. 
You couldn’t deny that, even if you tried 
with both hands.” 

“ I don’t deny things with my hands" Alice 
objected. 

“ Nobody said you did,” said the Red 
Queen. “ I said you couldn’t if you tried.” 

“ She’s in that state of mind,” said the 
White Queen, “ that she wants to deny 
something — only she doesn’t know what to 
deny ! ” 

“ A nasty, vicious temper,” the Red Queen 
remarked; and then there was an uncom- 
fortable silence for a minute or two. 

The Red Queen broke the silence by say- 
ing to the White Queen, “ I invite you to 
Alice’s dinner-party this afternoon.” 


328 THRO UGH THE LOOKING-GLA SS. 

The White Queen smiled feebly, and said 
“And I invite you? 

“ I didn’t know I was to have a party at 
all,” said Alice; “but if there is to be one, I 
think / ought to invite the guests.” 

“We gave you the opportunity of doing 
it,” the Red Queen remarked : “ but I daresay 
you’ve not had many lessons in manners 
yet?” 

“ Manners are not taught in lessons,” said 
Alice. “ Lessons teach you to do sums, and 
things of that sort.” 

“ Can you do Addition ? ” the White Queen 
asked. “ What’s one and one and one and 
one and one and one and one and one and 
one and one ? ” 

“ I don’t know,” said Alice. “ I lost count.” 

“ She can’t do Addition,” the Red Queen 
interrupted. “Can you do subtraction? 
Take nine from eight.” 

“Nine from eight I can’t, you know,” 
Alice replied very readily : “ but — ” 

“ She can’t do subtraction,” said the White 
Queen. “ Can you do Division ? Divide a 
loaf by a knife — what’s the answer to that? ” 

“ I suppose—” Alice was beginning, bv t the 
Red Queen answered for her. “ Bread-and- 
butter, of course. Try another Subtraction 
sum. Take' a bone from a dog : what re- 
mains ? ” 

Alice considered. “ The bone wouldn’t re- 


QUEEN ALICE. 3 2 9 

main, of course, if I took it — and the dog 
wouldn’t remain ; it would come to bite me 
— and I’m sure /shouldn’t remain ! ” 

“ Then you think nothing would remain ? ” 
said the red Queen. 

“ I think that’s the answer.” 

“ Wrong, as usual,” said the Red Queen 
“ the dog’s temper would remain.” 



“ But I don’t see how — ” 

“ Why, look here ! ” the Red Queen cried 
“ The dog would lose its temper, wouldn’t it? ” 
“Perhaps it would,” Alice replied cau- 
tiously. 

“Then if the dog went away, its temper 
would remain ! ” the Queen exclaimed trium- 
phantly. 


33 ° 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


Alice said, as gravely as she could, “ They 
might go different ways.” But she couldn’t 
help thinking to herself, “ What dreadful 
nonsense we are talking ! ” 

“ She can’t do sums a bit ! ” the Queens 
said together, with great emphasis. 

“Can you do sums?” Alice said, turning 
suddenly on the White Queen, for she didn’t 
like being found fault with so much. 

The Queen gasped and shut her eyes. “ I 
can do Addition,” she said, “ if you give me 
time — but I can’t do Subtraction under any 
circumstances ! ” 

“ Of course you know your ABC?” said 
the Red Queen. 

“ To be sure I do,” said Alice. 

“ So do I,” the White Queen whispered : 
“ we’ll often say it over together, dear. And 
I’ll tell you a secret — I can read words of 
one letter ! Isn’t that grand ? However, don’t 
be discouraged. Y ou’ll come to it in time.” 

Here the Red Queen began again. “ Can 
you answer useful questions ? ” she said. 
“ How is bread made?” 

“ I know that ! ” Alice cried eagerly. “You 
take some flour — ” 

“ Where do you pick the flower ? ” the 
White Queen asked. “ In a garden, or in the 
hedges ? ” 

“ Well, it isn’t picked at all,” Alice explained: 
“ it’s ground — ” 


QUEEN ALICE. 


33i 


“ How many acres of ground?” said the 
White Queen. “You mustn’t leave out so 
many things.” 

“ Fan her head ! ” the Red Queen anxiously 
interrupted. “ She’ll be feverish after so 
much thinking.” So they set to work and 
fanned her with bunches of leaves, till she 
had to beg them to leave off, it blew her hair 
about so. 

“ She’s all right again now,” said the Red 
Queen. “ Do you know languages ? What’s 
the French for fiddle-de-dee ? ” 

“ Fiddle-de-dee’s not English,” Alice re- 
plied gravely. 

“ Who ever said it was ? ” said the Red 
Queen. 

Alice thought she saw a way out of 
the difficulty this time. “ If you’ll tell me 
what language ‘ fiddle-de-dee ’ is, I’ll tell 
you the French for it ! ” she exclaimed tri- 
umphantly. 

But the Red Queen drew herself up rather 
stiffly, and said “ Queens never make bar- 
gains.” 

“ I wish Queens never asked questions,” 
Alice thought to herself. 

“ Don’t let us quarrel,” the White Queen 
said in an anxious tone. “ What is the 
cause of lightning ? ” 

“ The cause of lightning,” Alice said very 
decidedly, for she felt quite certain about 


332 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

this, “ is the thunder — no, no ! ” she hastily 
corrected herself. “ I meant the other way.” 

“ It’s too late to correct it,” said the Red 
Queen : “ when you’ve once said a thing, 
that fixes it, and you must take the conse- 
quences.” 

“ Which reminds me — ” the White Queen 
said, looking down and nervously clasping 
and unclasping her hands, “ we* had such a 
thunder-storm last Tuesday — I mean one of 
the last set of Tuesdays, you know.” 

Alice was puzzled. “ In our country,” she 
remarked, “ there’s only one day at a time.” 

The Red Queen said “ That’s a poor thin 
way of doing things. Now here , we mostly 
have days and nights two or three at a time, 
and sometimes in the winter we take as 
many as five nights together — for warmth, 
you know.” 

“ Are five nights warmer than one night, 
then ? ” Alice ventured to ask. 

“ Five times as warm, of course.” 

“ But they should be five times as cold , by 
the same rule — ” 

“Just so!” cried the Red Queen. “Five 
times as warm, and five times as cold — -just 
as I’m five times as rich as you are, and five 
times as clever ! ” 

Alice sighed and gave it up. “ It’s exactly 
like a riddle with no answer!” she thought. 

“ Humpty Dumpty saw it too,” the White 


QUEEN ALICE. 


333 


Queen went on in a low voice, more as if she 
were talking to herself. “ He came to the 
door with a corkscrew in his hand — ” 

“ What did he want ? ” said the Red Queen. 

“ He said he would come in,” the White 
Queen went on, “ because he was looking for 
a hippopotamus. Now, as it happened, 
there wasn’t such a thing in the house, that 
morning.” 

“ Is there generally ? ” Alice asked in an 
astonished tone. 

“ Well, only on Thursdays,” said the Queen. 

“ I know what he came for,” said Alice : 
“ he wanted to punish the fish, because — ” 

Here the White Queen began again. “ It 
was such a thunderstorm, you can’t think ! ” 
(“ She never could, you know,” said the Red 
Queen.) “ And part of the roof came off, and 
ever so much thunder got in — and it went 
rolling round the room in great lumps — and 
knocking over the tables and things — till 
I was so frightened, I couldn’t remember my 
own name ! ” 

Alice thought to herself, “ I never should 
try to remember my name in the middle of 
an accident! Where would be the use of 
it? ” but she did not say this aloud, for fear 
of hurting the poor Queen’s feelings. 

“ Your Majesty must excuse her,” the Red 
Queen said to Alice, taking one of the White 
Queen’s hands in her own, and gently 


334 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


stroking it : “ she means well, but she can’t 
help saying foolish things, as a general rule.” 

The White Queen looked timidly at Alice, 
who felt she ought to say something kind, 
but really couldn’t think of anything at the 
moment. 

“ She never was really well brought up,” 
the Red Queen went on : “ but it’s amazing 
how good tempered she is ! Pat her on the 
head, and see how pleased she’ll be!” But 
this was more than Alice had courage to do. 

“ A little kindness — and putting her hair 
in papers — would do wonders with her — ” 

The White Queen gave a deep sigh, and 
laid her head on Alice’s shoulder. “ I am so 
sleepy ! ” she moaned. * 

“ She’s tired, poor thing ! ” said the Red 
Queen, “ Smooth her hair — lend her your 
nightcap — and sing her a soothing lullaby.” 

“ I haven’t got a nightcap with me,” said 
Alice, as she tried to obey the first direction : 
“ and I don’t know any soothing lullabies.” 

“ I must do it myself, then,” said the Red 
Queen, and she began : 

“Hush-a-by lady, in Alice's lap ! 

Till the feast's ready , we've time for a nap : 

When the feast's over , we'll go to the ball — 

Red Queen , and White Queen, and Alice, and all ! " 

“ And now you know the words,” she added, 


QUEEN ALICE. 


335 


as -she put her head down on Alice’s other 
shoulder, “ just sing it through to me. I’m 
getting sleepy too.” In another moment 
both Queens were fast asleep, and snoring 
loud. 

“ What am I to do ?” exclaimed Alice, look- 
ing about in great perplexity, as first one 
round head, and then the other, rolled down 



from her shoulder, and lay like a heavy 
lump in her lap. “ I don’t think it ever hap- 
pened before, that any one had to take care 
of two Queens asleep at once ! No, not in all 
the History of England — it couldn’t, you 
know, because there never was more than 
one Queen at a time. Do wake up, you 
heavy things ! ” she went on in an impatient 


336 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

tone ; but there was no answer but a gentle 
snoring. 

The snoring got more distinct every 
minute, and sounded more like a tune: at 
last she could even make out words, and she 
listened so eagerly that, when the two great 
heads suddenly vanished from her lap, she 
hardly missed them. 

She was standing before an arched door- 
way over which were the words QUEEN 
ALICE in large letters, and on each side of 
the arch there was a bell-handle ; one was 
marked “ Visitors’ Bell,” and the other “ Ser- 
vants’ Bell.” 

“ I’ll wait till the song’s over,” thought 
Alice, “ and then I’ll ring the — the — which 
bell must I ring ? ” she went on, very much 
puzzled by the names. “ I’m not a visitor, 
and I’m not a servant. There ought to be 
one marked ‘ Queen,’ you knoAV — ” 

Just then the door opened a little way, and 
a creature with a long beak put its head out 
for a moment and said “No admittance till 
the week after next ! ” and shut the door 
again with a bang. 

Alice knocked and rang in vain for a 
long time, but at last a very old Frog, 
who was sitting under a tree, got up and 
hobbled slowly towards her : he was dressed 
in bright yellow, and had enormous boots 
on. 


(J,UEEN ALICE. 


337 


“ What is it, now ? ” the Frog said in a 
deep hoarse whisper. 

Alice turned round, ready to find fault 
with anybody. “ Where's the servant whose 



business it is to answer the door?” she 
began angrily. 

“Which door?” said the Frog. 

Alice almost stamped with irritation at 


338 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

the slow drawl in which he spoke. “ This 
door, of course ! ” 

The Frog looked at the door with his large 
dull eyes for a minute: then he went nearer 
and rubbed it with his thumb, as if he were 
trying whether the paint would come off; 
then lie looked at Alice. 

“ To answer the door? ” he said. “ What’s 
it been asking of? ” He was so hoarse that 
Alice could scarcely hear him. 

“ I don’t know what you mean,” she said. 

“ I speaks English, doesn’t I ? ” the Frog 
went on. “ Or are you deaf? What did it 
ask you ? ” 

“Nothing!” Alice said impatiently. “I’ve 
been knocking at it ! ” 

“ Shouldn’t do that — shouldn’t do that — ” 
the Frog muttered. “ Wexes it, you know.” 
Then he went up and gave the door a kick 
with one of his great feet. “ Y ou let it 
alone,” he panted out, as he hobbled back to 
his tree, “ and it’ll let you alone, you know.” 

At this moment the door was flung open, 
and a shrill voice was heard singing : 

“To the Looking-Glass world it was Alice that said, 

‘I’ve a sceptre in hand, I’ve a crown on my head ; 

Let the Looking-Glass creatures, whatever they he, 

Come and dine with the Red Queen , the White Queen 
and me !’” 


QUEEN ALICE. 


339 


And hundreds of voices joined in the 
chorus : 

4 4 Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can , 

A nd sprinkle the table with buttons and bran : 

Put cats in the coffee , and mice in the tea — 

And welcome Queen Alice with thirty- times-three ! ” 

Then followed a confused noise of cheer- 
ing, and Alice thought to herself, “Thirty 
times three makes ninety. I wonder if any 
one’s counting ? ” In a minute there was 
silence again, and the same shrill voice sang 
another verse : 

“ l O Looking - Glass creatures , * quoth A lice , 4 draw near ! 

’ Tis an honor to see me , a favor to hear : 

y Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea 

Along with the Red Queen , the White Queen , and me ! ’ n 

Then came the chorus again : 

4 4 Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink , 

Or anything else that is pleasant to drink ; 

Mix sand with the cider , and ivool with the wine — 
And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nine ! ” 

44 Ninety times nine!” Alice repeated in 
despair. 44 Oh, that’ll never be done! I’d 
better go in at once — ” and in she went, and 


340 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS . 


there was a dead silence the moment she 
appeared. 

Alice glanced nervously along the table, 
as she walked up the large hall, and noticed 
that there were about fifty guests, of all 
kinds : some were animals, some birds, and 
there were even a few flowers among them. 
“ I’m glad they’ve come without waiting 
to be asked,” she thought: “ I should never 
have known who were the right people to 
invite ! ” 

There were three chairs at the head of the 
table ; the Red and White Queens had 
already taken two of them, but the middle 
one was empty. Alice sat down in it, rather 
uncomfortable at the silence, and longing 
for some one to speak. 

At last the Red Queen began. “ Y ou’ve 
missed the soup and fish,” she said. “Put 
on the joint ! ” And the waiters set a leg of 
mutton before Alice, who looked at it rather 
anxiously, as she had never had to carve a 
joint before. 

“You look a little shy ; let me introduce 
you to that leg of mutton,” said the Red 
Queen: “Alice — Mutton; Mutton — Alice.” 
The leg of mutton got up in. the dish and 
made a little bow to Alice ; and Alice re- 
turned the bow, not knowing whether to be 
frightened or amused. 

“ May I give you a slice ? ” she said, taking 


QUEEN ALICE. 


34t 


up the knife and fork, and looking from one 
Queen to the other. 

“ Certainly not,” the Red Queen said, very 
decidedly : “ it isn’t etiquette to cut any 
one you’ve been introduced to. Remove 
the joint ! ” And the waiters carried it off, 



and brought a large plum-pudding in its 
place. 

“ I won’t be introduced to the pudding, 
please,” Alice said rather hastily, “ or we 
shall get no dinner at all. May I give you 
some ? ” 


342 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


But the Red Queen looked sulky, and 
growled “ Pudding — Alice ; Alice — Pudding. 
Remove the pudding! ” and the waiters took 
it away so quickly that Alice couldn’t return 
its bow. 

However, she didn’t see why the Red 
Queen should be the only one to give orders, 
so, as an experiment, she called out “ Waiter! 
Bring back the pudding!” and there it was 
again in a moment, like a conjuring- trick. 
It was so large that she couldn’t help feeling 
a little shy with it, as she had been with the 
mutton ; however, she conquered her shy- 
ness by a great effort, and cut a slice and 
handed it to the Red Queen. 

“ What impertinence ! ” said the Pudding. 
“ I wonder how you’d like it, if I were to cut 
a slice out of you, you creature! ” 

It spoke in a thick, suety sort of voice, and 
Alice hadn’t a word to say in reply : she 
could only sit and look at it and gasp. 

“ Make a remark,” said the Red Queen : 
“ It’s ridiculous to leave all the conversation 
to the pudding ! ” 

“ Do you know, I’ve had such a quantity 
of poetry repeated to me to-day,” Alice 
began, a little frightened at finding that, the 
moment she opened her lips, there was dead 
silence, and all eyes were fixed upon her ; 
“ and it’s a very curious thing, I think — every 
poem was about fishes in some way. Do 


QUEEN ALICE. 343 

you know why they’re so fond of fishes, all 
about here ? ” 

She spoke to the Red Queen, whose answer 
was a little wide of the mark. “ As to fishes,” 
she said, very slowly and solemnly, putting 
her mouth close to Alice’s ear, “ her White 
Majesty knows a lovely riddle — all in poetry 
— all about fishes. Shall she repeat it ? ” 

“ Her Red Majesty’s very kind to mention 
it,” the White Queen murmured into Alice’s 
other ear, in a voice like the cooing of a 
pigeon. “ It would be such a treat ! May I ? ” 
“ Please do,” Alice said very politely. 

The White Queen laughed with delight, 
and stroked Alice’s cheek. Then she began : 

‘ ‘ ‘ First, the fish must be caught. * 

That is easy : a baby , I think , could have caught it. 

1 Next, the fish must be bought 
That is easy : a penny, I think would have bought it. 

* Now cook me the fish ! * 

That is easy, and will not take more than a minute. 

* Let it lie in a dish ! ’ 

That is easy , because it already is in it. 

‘ Bring it here ! Let me sup ! ’ 

It is easy to set such a dish on the table. 

‘ Take the dish-cover up ! ' 

Ah, that is so hard that I fear Tin unable ! 


344 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 


For it holds it like glue — 

Holds the lid to the dish, while it lies in the middle : 

Which is easiest to do, 

Un-dish-cover the fish, or dishcover the riddle ? ” 

“ Take a minute to think about it, and 
then guess,” said the Red Queen. “ Mean- 
while we’ll drink your health — Queen, 
Alice’s health ! ” she screamed at the top of 
her voice, and all the guests began drinking 
it directly, and very queerly they managed 
it : some of them put their glasses upon 
their heads like extinguishers, and drank all 
that trickled down their faces — others upset 
the decanters, and drank the wine as it ran 
off the edges of the table — and three of them 
(who looked like kangaroos) scrambled into 
the dish of roast mutton, and began eagerly 
lapping up the gravy, ‘‘just like pigs in a 
trough ! ” thought Alice. 

“You ought to return thanks in a neat 
speech,” the Red Queen said, frowning at 
Alice as she spoke. 

“We must support you, you know,” the 
White Queen whispered, as Alice got up to 
do it, very obediently, but a little frightened. 

“ Thank you very much,” she whispered in 
reply, “ but I can do quite well without.” 

“ That wouldn’t be at all the thing,” the 
Red Queen said very decidedly : so Alice 
tried to submit to it with a good grace. 


QUEEN ALICE. 


345 


( “And they did push so ! ” she said after- 
wards, when she was telling* her sister the 
history of the feast. “You would have 
thought they wanted to squeeze me flat ! ” ) 

In fact it was rather difficult for her to 
keep in her place while she made her speech : 
the two Queens pushed her so, one on each 
side, that they nearly lifted her up into the 
air : “ I rise to return thanks — ” Alice began : 
and she really did rise as she spoke, several 
inches ; but she got hold of the edge of the 
table, and managed to pull herself down 
again. 

“Take care of yourself!” screamed the 
White Queen, seizing Alice’s hair with both 
her hands. “ Something’s going to hap- 
pen ! ” 

And then (as Alice afterwards described 
it) all sorts of things happened in a moment. 
The candles all grew up to the ceiling, look- 
ing something like a bed of rushes with fire- 
works at the top. As to the bottles, they 
each took a pair of plates, which they 
hastily fitted on as wings, and so, with forks 
for legs, went fluttering about in all direc- 
tions : “ and very like birds they look,” 
Alice thought to herself, as well as she could, 
in the dreadful confusion that was begin- 
ning. 

At this moment she heard a hoarse laugh 
at her side, and turned to see what was the 


346 THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. 

matter with the White Queen; but, instead of 
the Queen, there was the leg of mutton sit- 
ting in the chair. “ Here I am ! ” cried a voice 
from the soup-tureen, and Alice turned 
again, just in time to see the Queen’s broad 
good-natured face grinning at her for a mo- 
ment o ver the edge of the tureen, before she 
disappeared into the soup. 

There was not a moment to be lost. 
Already several of the guests were lying down 
in the dishes, and the soup-ladle was walking 
up the table towards Alice’s chair, and 
beckoning to her impatiently to get out of 
its way. 

“ I can’t stand this any longer ! ” she cried 
as she jumped up and seized the table-cloth 
with both hands: one good pull, and plates, 
dishes, guests, and candles came crashing 
down together in a heap on the floor. 

“ And as for you” she went on, turning 
fiercely upon the Red Queen, whom she con- 
sidered as the cause of all the mischief — but 
the Queen was no longer at her side— she 
had suddenly dwindled down to the size of a 
little doll, and was now on the table, merrily 
running round and round after her own 
shawl, which was trailing behind her. 

At any other time, Alice would have felt 
surprised at this, but she was far too much 
excited to be surprised at anything now . 


QUEEN ALICE. 


347 


“As for you ,” she 
repeated, catching 
hold of the little 
creature in the very 
act of jumping 
over a bottle which 
had just lighted 
upon the table, “ I’ll 
shake you into 
a kitten, that I 
will ! ” 



CHAPTER X. 


SHAKING. 

She took her off the table as she spoke, 
and shook her backwards and forwards with 
all her might. 

The Red Queen made no resistance what- 
ever ; only her face grew very small, and her 
eyes got large and green : and still, as Alice 
went on shaking her, she kept on growing 
shorter — and fatter — and softer — and 
rounder — and — 




CHAPTER XI. 

WAKING. 

— and it really was a kitten, after all 



/ 












A boat, beneath a sunny sky, 
Lingering onward dreamily 
In an evening of July — 

Children three that nestle near, 
Eager eye and willing ear, 

Pleased a simple tale to hear — 

Long has paled that sunny sky: 
Echos fade and memories die : 
Autumn frosts have slain July. 

Still she haunts me, phantomwise, 
Alice moving under skies 
Never seen by waking eyes. 

Children yet, the tale to hear, 
Eager eye and willing ear, 
Lovingly shall nestle near. 

In a Wonderland they lie, 
Dreaming as the days go by, 
Dreaming as the summers die. 

Ever drifting down the stream — 
Lingering in the golden gleam — 
Life, what is it but a dream ? 


THE END. 





